Dystopia
by Warrior princess922
Summary: "This is not a test. This is your Emergency Broadcast System announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the US Government. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all." Clove&Cato AU
1. The commencement

**Disclaimer:** nothing belongs to me

 _English is not my first language._

Summary:

 **2023\. The world you once remembered is long gone. And for just one night every year everything you've learned in your life doesn't matter. For just one night you get to go with who you really are, even if it means aiming a gun at someone who wronged you. When every crime in the book becomes legal, how well do you think you know the people around you? Your neighbors? Your friends? Your own family? If you have to wonder, you just may not stay alive long enough to figure that out.**

* * *

 _"God, it was good to let go,_

 _let the tight mask fall off,_

 _and the bewildered, chaotic fragments pour out._

 _It was the purge, the catharsis."_

 _~ Sylvia Plath_

* * *

 **Chapter 1: "The commencement"**

 _Los Angeles_

 _March 21, 2023_

It was Tuesday around 4 p.m. The sun was shining brightly down onto the city and everything seemed perfectly normal. Just another day at school. Just another day at work.

"Okay, guys, it's getting late. Class is dismissed." our English teacher announced. "Hope to see you all tomorrow..." he added, sounding rather uneasy. "Stay safe."

Everybody immediately gathered their belongings and began walking out of the classroom. As for me? I didn't even move from my chair.

"Why so slow, girl?"

I looked up in the eyes of one of the very few people that I could still call my friends. "I was just thinking."

"Well now's not the best time for that, is it?" Johanna said with a smartass look on her face.

"Yeah," I sighed. "guess you're right."

"Hey, have you seen that video that everyone has been talking about?"

"What video?" I frowned. Johanna shook her head with a laugh, then handed me her phone.

"Stop living under a rock, would you?" she teased me, making me roll my eyes. Johanna was a rather strange girl who simply didn't give a shit about absolutely anything or anyone. Except for her family and friends, of course. And I was happy to be one of them.

I pressed the 'play' button on the screen and a face of a dark-skinned man came up.

" _We've lost our souls to attain this peace. We no longer worship at the altar of Christ, Muhammad, Yahweh._  
 _We worship at the altar of Smith & Wesson. We, the people, know not what we do." _he said, glaring straight in the camera as if he wanted to somehow affect every person that was watching the video. _" The Purge is not about containing crime to one night, and cleansing our souls by releasing aggression. It's about one thing. **Money."**_

Clips of people shooting guns followed and I took that time to raise my eyebrows at Johanna who just nodded her head at the phone, encouraging me to keep watching.

 _"Who dies tonight? The poor. We can't afford to protect ourselves. Whatever happened to 'give me your needy,_  
 _your tired, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free'? The redistribution of wealth upward through killing has to stop. We must pick up arms. This year, we will fight **back!"**_

"His name is Carmelo Johns. I saw his protest posters all over our neighborhood. He's just like us. He lives there, too."

"Talk is cheap, Jo." I said, giving her the phone back. "He might be right, but let's face it; he's not going to do anything about it."

Her eyes softened, as she watched me pack my books. "Clove."

"Yeah?"

All of a sudden, Johanna looked troubled, as if she was trying to choose words carefully before speaking; "You uh," she paused, making me furrow my eyebrows at her. "You are not going to try and do something about it yourself, are you?"

I bit my lip, looking away from her piercing stare. She was the one person who never judged me. Not for my past, not for who I was today. I was sure that if anyone, she would stick around no matter how ugly my life would get.

"No, Jo." I said, putting my hair into a high ponytail, before standing up. "I'm not."

"Okay," she nodded, looking satisfied with the sincerity of my words. "you going straight home now?"

"No, I promised Gale I'd wait for him." I told her, looking away. It was only a partial lie. I knew that Jo was good at calling me out on my bullshit, though, which is why I broke the eye contact.

"Alright then." she sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow. Call me when you get home, okay?"

I smiled and gave her a tight nod. "Sure."

"Stay safe, girl."

" _You too."_

* * *

Plenty of cars were out in the streets, as always, with the rush hours reaching their peak. Masses of people moved along the sidewalks and across the streets, as each individual was trying to get home to their families. One would say there was nothing odd about that. They all just wanted to go home and rest, having spent another day out working or studying. Nothing strange about that. Right?

 _"Traffic is building rapidly downtown, as citizens rush to get home before commencement_." I heard a female voice on the radio coming from somebody's car. " _If you're not Purging, we advise you to get off the streets as quickly as possible. It'll soon be a war out there."_

Most days aren't anything special. Most days have no affect on one's course of life. Most days are not remembered.

 _"Prognosticators estimate that more people will partake in this year's Purge."_

What if I told you this day wasn't like any other day? What if I told you this one day out of the whole year was going to stand out? What if I told you that this day could be your _last?_

My name is Clove Flair. I was born on the 22nd of March in 2006. Back when things in the world were still somewhat normal. Normal enough, I suppose. The world has been out of control for a while now. Today was only yet another living proof.

 _"Are you gonna cross any time soon today?"_

I shook my head at the sound of his voice and glanced at him with an absent look on my face. He stood there with those magic, blue eyes of his and shiny, brown hair. Looking as perfect as he always did without trying. I couldn't believe that I thought all those things of him; especially today. I could only be glad he couldn't read my mind. Only one person in this world had that ability. Well, _used to_ anyway.

When I didn't say anything for a while, he sent me a concerned look, something I did not like, and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You guys are gonna be okay, Clove. Like always."

"I wouldn't bet any money on that, Gale." I told him, moving away from his touch and attempting to cross the street. "You just might happen to be wrong about that."

"Don't say that." he almost snapped, following me. "It's not funny."

"Well, I wasn't trying to be funny." I replied simply, shooting him a glance over my shoulder. He caught up with me and we were now walking side by side, making our way across the street and away from the school. Lots of kids were getting picked up by their anxious parents who egged them on to hurry. "Look at how scared they seem."

Gale followed my gaze to the crowd of people and then locked eyes with me. "I'd say that's justified."

"Is it, really?" I snorted, stopping. He sighed, knowing what was about to come. "They got nothing to worry about. They'll be perfectly fine inside their rich, perfectly secure little houses."

"How do you even know how they live, Clove?"

"Have you seen their cars?" I asked as if it couldn't be more obvious as I started walking again. I really wanted to get away from all those people. I didn't need to see the fear in their eyes.

"You sound like Johanna." he snorted, receiving a well deserved slap on the shoulder from me. I did not want to be compared to his ex-girlfriend, as fond as I was of her. "Why are we not taking the bus?"

"I'm going to check on Cato. He didn't show up today at all and he isn't answering his- what?" I cut myself off when I saw the look Gale sent me. Without a word he grabbed my arm and pulled me along down the street. "Gale, _what?"_

He said nothing, but when we turned into an alley he stopped and let go of my arm, glaring at me, which I might add didn't happen very often. "You promised me you'd never do that again."

"What are you talking about?"

" _Going to check on Cato?_ How stupid do you think I am?" he snapped, looking sincerely offended.

I licked my dry lips, looking away because I did not want to see him glare at me the way he was now.

"I'm not going out tonight, Gale." I told him, but he just laughed dryly.

"Are you going to at least look me in the eye while you're trying to lie to me?"

"I'm _not_ lying." I insisted. "I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just worried about Cato, okay?"

"Of _course_ you are." Gale snorted, storming off.

"Hey!" I called to him, feeling anger start to build up inside of me. " _What is your problem?_ "

"I'll see you tomorrow, Clove." Gale dismissed me, disappearing in the crowd of people in front of me. I stood there, stunned. I couldn't believe he actually walked away from me. Not only was it something new for me, but to think he did that specifically _today?_ I swallowed down the lump in my throat and trying to think of something other than Gale's glaring eyes, I turned on my heels and began walking in the opposite direction.

The ringing of my cellphone snapped me out of my anger-filled thoughts. I quickly grabbed it out of my pocket and answered it.

"Hello?" I gasped, passing by a group of boys that were trying to get my attention. "Hey, mom... Yeah, I know it's late, I just left school... No, I'll be home in no time, don't worry... Tell Jakie we're gonna watch a movie together tonight, okay?... I love you too. Bye."

* * *

I knocked on the door three times, as I always used to and waited for him to open it. After half a minute or so, I heard approaching footsteps. The door opened and I faced a tall, muscular guy with cold, blue eyes and Blonde hair sticking out in all directions. I gave him a small smile.

"Hey."

He parted his lips slightly, surprised to see me. Stupid me thought he'd look happier than this.

"What are you doing here?"

 _Stupid me was also hoping for a simple "hey" back._

"I came to check on you, Cato." I told him, taking a step forward. "Can I come in?"

"Look, little girl, now's not a good time, alright?" he said, his voice sounding a bit too cold for my liking. I focused on the fact that he just used his old nickname for me and decided to smirk.

"Why, you got company?" I asked suggestively, very affectively pretending I didn't give a damn if he did.

Cato narrowed his eyes and when I tried to take a peak inside the apartment, he pushed on me, making me step back, then closed the door behind him. "I'm busy. And it's late. You should be on your way home now."

"You didn't show up at school today."

"Yeah, while I admire your observation skills, Cloves," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "you still need to leave."

What was left of my smirk faded completely; because I knew well enough why he refused to let me in. I knew exactly why he had not come to school today. And it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"You don't have to do this." I said, shaking my head. Cato groaned, running a hand through his hair. _"Please,_ don't go out there again."

"What do you care, anyway?" he snapped, his eyes shooting daggers at me. "Why don't you go back to your new _boyfriend_ and leave me alone?"

I felt tears tickling the back of my eyes but I choked them back. "He isn't my- Look, I just," I paused to take a deep breath. "I'm worried about you."

"No need. I'm not one of your concerns anymore, am I?" he whispered coldly. "Go home, Clove. _Now."_

"Don't do this." I tried again, placing my hands on his arms and feeling his muscles tense underneath my fingers. "It won't change _anything."_

"Clove, Goddamnit, leave me _alone!"_ he yelled, his angry voice echoing in the halls. I flinched, taking a step back, shock painted all over my face. He has never raised his voice at me like that before. I wish I actually knew if I deserved that.

His face relaxed when he saw my eyes glistening with hot tears. He rubbed the back of his hand against his forehead and cussed under his breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't-" he paused, at a loss for words. "I just need you to go, okay? It's getting late. You really shouldn't be here."

A lonely tear rolled down my cheek, as I nodded. "Okay."

"Shit, Clove, _don't-"_ Cato said in a begging tone.

"No, I'm cool." I said, turning away. "I'll see you."

As I was about to get the hell out of there, he grabbed my arm and turned me back around so he could face me. A look of pure regret filled his eyes and for once I didn't feel guilty for making him wish he could take back the things he just said. His thumb brushed away the tear from my cheek ever so gently.

"You know I can't stand it when you do that." Cato said, so much more softly now; it almost made me want to laugh.

"Yeah well, don't make me do it then, you _ass."_ I shot back, trying to stop my voice from shaking.

"You shouldn't have come here." he said, keeping his hand on my cheek still. "Why did you?"

"I came to stop you."

"You _can't."_

I looked deep into his eyes and saw how determined he was. There was no changing his mind. Whatever he had planned this year, I knew he was going to go through with it. Whether I cried or not.

"You are better than this, Cato." I said, slapping his hand away and taking a few steps back. He stared at me with a sad smile on his handsome face, then shook his head.

"You're _wrong."_

* * *

I used my fingers to carelessly wipe away tears from my face, as I walked toward the nearest bus stop. My hands were shaking and all of a sudden a fairly warm March evening seemed much colder. I hugged my arms to my chest and tried to ignore all the anger and helplessness that I felt. I couldn't believe how bad this day turned out to be. Especially _this_ day.

"Hey little girl, no need to cry!"

I flinched when I heard that infamous nickname Cato used to call me non stop once upon a time. But that voice did not belong to Cato for sure. It belonged to a tall man who stood by the side of the road with a few other guys, trying to make some profit from thoe godforsaken day.

"Need some protection tonight, sweetie?" he asked as I was passing him by. "I have everything you might need!"

I ignored him and walked faster. I just wanted to be with my mom and my little brother. They needed me there tonight. I _swore_ I'd be there.

I saw my bus coming and felt huge relief wash over me. In less than forty minutes I was going to be home. Not exactly safe. But as safe as it gets. And so I hopped on and took a seat in the back. I put my headphones on and leaned my head against the window, watching all the cars and people outside.

 _Some of you will never see the light of the day again._

The traffic was horrible, as I expected. I felt a slight pang of anxiety inside, as I looked down at my watch.

 _5:58_

"Shit," I cussed underneath my breath. It was late. It really was. I knew that if I didn't make it in time, my mom and Jakie would be left waiting for me with the lockdown. Chills ran down my spine as I looked around. I was still at least half an hour long bus ride away from home.

Out of the blue, there were some strange, worrying noises coming from underneath the floor and the bus started slowing down significantly. I glanced away from my watch and felt an unplesant feeling squeeze my stomach.

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"Why are we stopping?'_

Anxious voices interrupted the silence right before the bus came to a complete stop. I took off my headphones, my hands trembling slightly. I heard sounds of the driver trying to start the engine again but to no avail. After a few attempts he got up from his seat and looked back at his passangers. I didn't like the look on his face. I didn't like it one bit.

"It's dead." He announced, his voice shaking.

 _"What!?"_

"What are you talking about!?"

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do." the driver said, drops of sweat glistening across his forehead. He quickly gathered his stuff before opening the door.

"What are we supposed to do now!?" a man from the front yelled, panicked. And he wasn't the only one.

The driver froze halfway out the door. He then glanced to the side, making eye contact with all the people he was about to leave behind. " _Run fast_." he said. And then, just like that, he was gone.

I was unable to move for at least thirty seconds. Fear seemed to have paralyzed the rest of the people on the bus, as well. But it didn't last. Before long, everyone began to frantically try to make their way out of the bus. Some of them were already on the phone, trying to reach their friends or relatives who lived the closest.

"Oh my God, we're downtown! Everybody comes here to purge!" a woman before me cried out to the man, that I assumed was with her, as they were walking out the door. "No one's gonna help us tonight!"

I followed them out of the bus and was about to make a run for it, when we heard a couple of motorcycles heading our way. We all stopped at once.

There was at least five guys on the road, but they weren't just any typical motorcyclists. Each one of them had a different, white mask on his face, making it impossible for anyone to recognize them. I frowned when they passed us by, slowing down just enough to wave at us with the machetes they had in their hands.

 _They were the Purgers._

Before they were gone, one of them threw something in our direction. It fell right before our feet. I swallowed hard and the three of us bent down to see what it was.

 _Wires._

I felt my heart in my throat. Without a word, I walked over to the bus then kneeled in order to look underneath it. The man and woman followed me and now we were all looking at a bunch of wires which had been purposely cut.

"Oh my God, it was _them."_ I whispered in horror, getting up from the ground. " _They cut those wires_."

The sound of roaring engines made me look over my shoulder. The Purgers were still there, watching our reaction.

"We gotta run." the woman cried out, tugging at the man's jacket. "Shane, come on!"

He nodded and they both took off running. I watched them go, compeletely shocked.

 _What the hell was I gonna do?_

Gale's place was far but it was closer than my house. There was a slight chance I could make it there before the commencement. Cato's apartament was much closer, though. But he was not going to be there tonight; that much I was sure of. But maybe I could try making it there before he leaves. Maybe he'd still be there.

I reached for my cellphone only to realize that it was dead. "You gotta be _kidding_ me." I groaned, putting it back in my pocket. I turned on my heels and began running down the streets away from the Purgers. There were still cars in the streets and people here and there, who were probably minutes from getting to their homes. But I was not one of them.

Thinking of mom and Jakie, I began running faster, subconciously choosing the bus route back to Cato's apartment. Due to all the stress consuming me, I was out of breath in no time. But I didn't stop. I _couldn't_ stop.

Before I knew it, I was already running up the stairs in his apartment building. I made it to his door and desperately began pounding. "Cato!" I yelled, knocking so hard that my knuckles screamed in pain. _"Cato!"_

No one responded. He wasn't in. He was gone.

"Dammit!" I swore, before running down the stairs and back outside. Sweat began forming little drops on my forehead as I continued to run down the street, now heading toward Gale's house. I glanced down to my watch again.

 _6:32_

"Shit!" I gasped, speeding up. "Shit, _shit!"_

There was no way I'd make it there in time.

" _My name is Donald Talbot_." the voice I hated rang out in the street suddenly, his face coming on one of the many TV screens installed in the city. I stopped when I heard him, panting terribly, as I tried to catch my breath. " _Our regime was voted into office nine years ago. And the first order of business was to deal with the epidemic of crime that was plaguing this nation. The answer was the Purge."_

"Fuck you, Donald Talbot." I murmured, narrowing my eyes at the screen and clenching my fists tight. I tuned out the rest of his speech and began speeding down the street again, no longer sure which direction I was headed in.

How I wished I had never stopped by at Cato's today. How I wished I hadn't felt the need to check on him and try to talk him out of something that I knew I had no say about anyway. I knew he wouldn't listen to me. I had no idea why I even bothered. Maybe it just felt like an obligation even though I was no longer a part of his life; which was my own decision. I guess I just wanted to make sure I'd get to see him before this fucked up holiday was going to take place. People these days had this tendency to either shut everyone out or the opposite; they'd act all nice and friendly, because everyone knew that anything could happen. For many, things would not be the same the morning after.

Well, as far as I knew, because of Cato and my own stupidity I was now stranded downtown fifteen minutes before the commencement. I couldn't imagine how scared my poor family must be. Their faces appeared in my head and I choked back all the tears that were trying to get out.

Another face crossed my mind. _Gale._ I remembered our last chat and I couldn't believe that for all I knew that could have been our last conversation. Ever. How could he go off on me like that and just walk away? Especially today. I knew he might have had his reasons to believe that I wasn't going to _just_ check on Cato. If it was any other day, I would have said his anger was actually well justified. But it _wasn't._

There was nowhere to hide. I knew that very well. After all, I _have_ been out during the Purge before. I knew what kind of people were going to be out in the streets. I knew how well prepared they would be. I had no weapons. I had absolutely nothing on me. I was screwed.

Soon enough I heard the last words that I wanted to hear while stranded in the middle of downtown Los Angeles;

 _"News 13 wishes anyone who is not participating in this year's Purge a safe evening and for those releasing the beast, a successful cleanse. Good luck."_

I stopped in the middle of an intersection, looking around frantically, as the most horrifying sounds of alert followed the voice of the reporter;

 _"This is not a test. This is your Emergency Broadcast System announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government."_

Oh dear God.

 _"Weapons of Class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during other weapons are restricted. Government officials of Ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed."_

I kept looking around, as if I was searching for a miracle rescue team to suddenly come to my aid.

No one was going to come. _No one_ was going to help.

 _"Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours._

 _Police fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7:00 am when The Purge concludes."_

The faces of all the people I cared for were hunting my mind, making me feel dead. Because for all I knew... I _was_ dead already. I was screwed.

 _"Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn._

 _May God be with you all."_

The siren was like an announcement of a death sentence for me, filling my insides with cold fear. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I was all alone.

 _I was royally screwed._

* * *

 **A/N:** Seems like my inspiration for writing Clove/Cato stories is neverending.

So just to fill you guys in; this fanfic is obviously a crossover. I have recently seen a movie called _The Purge: Anarchy_ (which in my modest opinion is a very good and eye-opening film) and it was not the first time I watched it, actually. But it was the first time I got an idea for an AU Hunger Games fanfiction. If you think about it, the idea of The Purge and The Hunger Games are quite similar. They both take place in the future where the people have become slaves to the system, more or less. Scary, huh?

This story will be a Clove/Cato centric with a couple of other Hunger Games characters included of course. So far, it's those two, Gale and Johanna. Now, because this story is an AU, the characters will be relatively OOC, although I'll try to keep them somewhat in character, still.

I hope you guys enjoyed it and will leave me a little review! Let me know if you're interested.


	2. Hide and Seek

_"Stop the clocks, stop the cars._

 _Tell your dad at the plant to come home._

 _Do not smile. Do not sing._

 _Close your eyes and go to bed._

 _I forgive, I pretend not to smile_

 _cause I am stronger than you._

 _You're transparent and glasslike."_

 _~Carpark North 'Transparent and glasslike'_

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Hide and Seek"**

 _January 5, 2021_

I hated school. Ever since I remembered I have hated school. Not because I didn't enjoy learning. Or because it was such a fucking monotony. I just hated all those kids. All those stuck up, materialistic, 'it's all about me' kinda girls. And all those guys who thought they could have anything and anyone thanks to their good looks and/or money. My school was very diverse. You could take your pick. I belonged to the poor and weird group, so naturally my days never really went smoothly.

As I walked out of my science class, I collided with someone who was walking down the hall with a group of his friends. I dropped all my books on the floor and heard them all snicker, as I kneeled to pick them up.

"Now sweetheart, get it together or there won't be much left of you in three months from now." the guy I bumped into teased me with a mischevious smirk on his face. "wouldn't wanna see such a doll go too soon."

"Fuck you, Marvel." I snapped, getting up from the floor and storming off, ignoring whatever it was they were yelling after me. See what I meant when I said I hated school?

I made it to my locker and angrily opened it, almost breaking the lock. "Stupid, nasty ass, rich little _douchebag."_ I murmured under my breath, throwing all my books inside carelessly.

 _"Nice language, little girl."_

I glanced to the side and glared at the boy who was standing next to me, leaning against the lockers. He was tall and muscular and looked like any other jerk in school. And yet the smirk on his face was amused and warm, not mischevious. He had blonde hair and intense, blue eyes. I found myself staring at him for too long so I shook my head and turned my head away.

"Seems like you're fed up with shit being the way... shit is." he said, his smirk growing wider. I allowed a small smile to curve my lips before glancing at him again.

"Failed English class, didn't you?" I joked, closing my locker.

"No, but it was close." he grinned. "So listen, feisty." I rolled my eyes. "I'm not trying to hit on you or anything, no stress. I just heard your and that punk's little _word exchange_ back there and figured you would be interested in something I'm about to offer you."

 _"Yeah?"_ I said in a voice full of doubt. "What would that be?"

He smiled mysteriously and as much as I didn't want to think of him that way, he was very nice to look at. That I couldn't deny even if I wanted to.

"Ever been out on a Purge night?" he whispered, piercing me down with his intense eyes.

"I, uh," I stuttered. _Why the question?_ "No."

His smile faded just a little bit and then he looked around to make sure no one was trying to eavesdrop on us. I furrowed my eyebrows at his behavior. This guy was intriguing. But he also made me feel uneasy. What was it that he wanted to offer me?

He suddenly leaned closer to me, his hand placed on the locker above my head. I could feel his breath on my face. I fought back a blush and looked straight into those blue eyes of his;

And one smirk later...

 _"Wanna change that?"_

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _7:12_

From previous years, I sure have learned one thing when it comes to the Purge: if you stop moving, _you're dead._

And so I didn't. Ignoring all the fatigue and diziness, I never stopped. I made sure that I was always moving at a pace faster than a jog. I stuck close to the buildings, avoiding open streets cause that was just like asking for someone to come and kill me. My head felt like exploading and I could swear my heart was about to jump out of my chest. I had never wanted to be home as much as I did now.

I heard multiple gun shots in the near distance so I quickly turned into the dark alley on my left and hid behind one of the trash containers, panting heavily. Next came a few panicked screams and then, the already familiar to me, roaring of motorcycles. And then I saw two men running down the street before the gang of masked guys I had seen before caught up with them. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle any noises my heavy breathing was making. The two man tried to escape but they had no chance. I watched a couple of guys get off their motorbikes and grab them. I expected for them to take out knives and stab those two right there and then. But that didn't happen.

Instead a white truck suddenly arrived and the two men were picked up and thrown into the back of it. I furrowed my eyebrows quizzically. _Where the hell where they taking them?_

The two men begged and screamed but nobody listened. Shortly after the truck door was slammed closed and the gang was gone. I couldn't help but wonder who they were. What were they going to do with those people?

I didn't need a mirror to know that my face was white and glistening with sweat. All of a sudden I felt really sick so I squatted and threw up on the ground in front of me. I cringed at the unpleasant taste, then slowly dragged the back of my hand across my mouth.

 _"Fuck,"_ I gasped, tears filling my eyes when I truly began understanding just how bad my situation was.

No weapons. All alone. _11 and a half hours to go._

* * *

 _March 20, 2021_

 _2:13 pm_

I didn't know why I was doing this. I really had no clue. I guess I had decided to go with it simply because for once in my life I was doing something exciting. Different. It was like a shot of adrenaline. It was quite a change from how I used to live before. I felt like I could do whatever I wanted.

"Ready, little one?"

I turned around and faced the guy in front of me, allowing myself to glare. "I will be if you stop calling me _a little one_ , Cato."

"Sure thing, little _girl,"_ he smirked, handing me something that looked like a machete. I rolled my eyes, but said nothing, as I took it from him. "no worries, it's not real."

"Too bad." I said, twirling it in my hand and sending him a dark look.

"Easy there, tiger." he said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. "I wanna live."

"Then shut up and let's do this." I snapped impatiently.

And so we did. Like on every weekend, we were in the school gym, training for something that I was yet to experience. Cato sure knew how to fight. He knew many tricks. He knew how to move fast enough to avoid getting hit or injured. It was like a dance. Before long I knew how to dance along to the beat with him.

At one point during our training session, Cato thrusted his machete forward and I spun around quickly. In a matter of few seconds I disarmed him. His machete flew across the room, hitting the wall with a dull sound. He watched his weapon fall to the ground, then I felt his eyes land on me. "Nice job, feisty."

"What is it with you and all those nicknames?" I huffed in annoyance. I liked the guy. I did. He was something else. He was clever and ambitious. Talented, as much as he refused to admit it. He treated me with respect. I was really starting to see a friend in him. But man, was he not a pain in my ass at times.

"I don't know." He smirked. "Call it me being creative."

I laughed, walking away. "You mean _annoying-"_

Something huge hit me out of the blue and before I knew what was going on, I was already on the floor, face down. I felt my hands being held together behind my back and his warm breath on my ear before he whispered: "One final advice for tomorrow, little girl," he said, making goosebumbs cover my skin. " _Watch your back_."

He quickly rolled me over and I was now staring straight into his amused eyes, my hands now held above my head. "They won't care how pretty you are, they'll try killing you anyway."

As soon as he said that, his smile faded and he looked like he caught himself off guard. I frowned, because it was the first time since we'd met that I've seen him look so serious all of a sudden especially after throwing a harmless compliment.

His hand held both of mine in captive as he had me pinned down. But he wasn't looking at me at all. I could tell his mind was somewhere else. He had this absent look on his face and for the first time I actually became worried for him. So worried that I even decided to ignore what he'd just said.

 _"Cato, you alright?"_

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. We stayed like that for a minute maybe and then he got off of me and got back on his feet. "Hope I didn't hurt you." he said, offering me his hand. I took it, frowning, and he swiftly pulled me up.

"I'm fine," I said slowly, my eyebrows still furrowed. "what's wrong?"

He put his hand on the back of his neck, looking strangely troubled. I didn't understand his behavior. I wasn't sure what to think and truth be told, I wasn't sure if I wanted him to tell me.

"Look, Clove.." he whispered, locking eyes with me. "I want you to think twice before you leave the house tomorrow."

 _"What?"_ I gasped in disbelief. He couldn't be serious. It was _his_ idea in the first place.

"I mean it, okay? You don't know what it's like out there. People are fucking _animals."_

"Then why the hell would you waste time training me if you're gonna try and talk me out of it now?"

"I didn't expect I'd start feeling so responsible for your life, Clove." he blurted out so fast I almost missed the message. I took a step back, shocked to the core, but said nothing. I let him continue: " **I'm** the one who put you into this! Okay? And if you _die_ out there tomorrow, that'll be on **me,** too."

I looked away, feeling sick all of a sudden. I guess I didn't think much of what could actually happen if I followed through with the plan. Seemed like I didn't do much thinking at all. "You said you guys only go to rich neighborhoods. Nobody else is there-"

"Clove, you make it sound so easy, when it's _not._ Just because nothing has happened to me so far doesn't mean this time won't be different. You can't predict _shit_ when it comes to that night."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped, my blood boiling. "You could have told me all that three months ago when you first introduced me to this brilliant idea of yours. We would've saved a lot of time."

"I didn't say anything because I want you out there with me tomorrow!" he yelled, making me flinch. "I _do!_ You're a good fighter and you're passionate about teaching those fucks a lesson they deserve. I _want_ you to go with me. But that's just fucking selfish, ain't it?" he turned his back on me and cussed some more under his breath, running a hand through his hair. Silence filled the room for a good minute before he spoke again;

"I can't."

 _"What?"_ I asked him, my voice dry and cold. _Who the hell did he think he was?_

"You shouldn't go out there tomorrow, you can't." he said, glancing at me over his shoulder. "You should stay home. I'll see you Monday."

And with that he just began walking away. _Just like that._ I fumed.

"What the **hell** was the point of all this then?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I realized I felt somewhat used and betrayed. I couldn't just let him get away with that. "What was the point of all those speeches you've been feeding me about making a difference?! About how we have the right to fight for justice after it had been taken away from us!"

Cato stopped walking and so did I. I watched his shoulders move up and down fast as he breathed faster than normally to keep up with his pounding heart. "Talk is cheap, Clove." he said, his back still facing me. " _It doesn't mean anything_."

"Then what did you come to me for?" I laughed with irony, even though I was far from being amused. He let out a deep breath and finally turned around.

"We look for people who are willing to risk their lives to show the world just how much we disagree with the system. We look for those who aren't afraid to not make it through the night." he told me with a pained look on his face. "When I first saw you, I thought you were like that."

"I _am."_

"Yeah, you are." he admitted reluctantly. "But I don't think you want to be like us."

"What are you _talking about_?"

"It all sounds great when I talk about it, ok? You probably have visualized us as this rebellious group of young people marching through the city, waving flags and protest posters around. But trust me," he lowered his voice to a whisper, taking a few steps toward me. _"that's not the case_."

I looked deep into his eyes, searching for answers, but he was no open book. I barely knew the guy. He knew hardly anything about me. And yet, here he was, sounding concerned about my life. He was the one to come to me with that offer and now, three months later, he suddenly was having second thoughts?

"If that's true, why'd you ask me to join you?" I asked, sincerly curious. Because at this point I really had no clue what was going through that guy's mind. He seemed to have lost himself, as well, looking as if he wasn't sure what his problem was anymore.

"Honestly?" he whispered, looking away. " _I don't know_."

* * *

 _March 21, 2021_

 _5:00 pm_

I nervously played with my fingers as I stood in front of a door, debating with myself whether I actually wanted to go in that apartament or not. After last night I wasn't sure. All those things that Cato had said; was he just trying to be all protective or was he only trying to scare me? I didn't know anymore.

See, I was the type of person that did not like changing plans. Whenever I decided something, I would always be very eager to follow through with it. I had made my decision weeks ago and have been determined to fullfill the plan ever since. Cato had invited me to join them tonight and I was sure as hell I didn't need his permission at this point. And so I lifted my hand and firmly knocked on the door three times, then waited for someone to respond. And I didn't have to wait long.

A tall guy with sandy brown hair and brownish eyes opened the door. As soon as his eyes landed on me, he put on a smirk, showing off his dimples. "Why good evening, princess." he drawled, trying to sound sexy. "Name's Finnick. You must be Clove."

"And you must like pain." I snapped, referring to the nickname he just gave me. My half-hearted threat didn't really have the desired effect on him, because all he did was laugh.

"Come on in then, killer." he said, moving aside so I could walk past him. I just sent him a glare, then walked inside, ignoring Finnick's attempt to check me out. I looked around and saw at least a dozen of people, dressed in similar black, sport outfits. Some of them were just standing around, chatting; others were sitting on the couch by the table where all kinds of weapons had been lied out. From pistols to swords and knives. At the sight of them I felt a quickly growing lump in my throat.

 _I was really going out there tonight.._

"Yo, Cato!" Finnick's voice rang out from behind me. _"Someone's here."_

I noticed him almost immediately; he was standing by the window, checking out the gun in his hand, accompanied by some girl I don't think I've ever seen before. As soon as he heard Finnick, though, his head shot up and his eyes found mine. We stared at each other for a little while and then he said something to the girl, before making my way over to me.

"You came." he said, lacking that famous smirk of his he always used to greet me with.

"Yeah," I nodded, my eyes daring him to start some shit again. "did you think I'd chicken out?"

"Nah," he said with a laugh. "girls like you don't come around."

My face slowly broke into a smile but it quickly faded when Finnick came back into the picture.

"Hey, princess, want a sugar cube?" he asked, tossing one up in the air before catching it again. "I mean, they're supposed to be for the coffee, but considering we're all about to head outside on a Purge night, I think it'd be pretty wise to grab everything sweet in sight, don't you think?" he winked at me suggestively, ignoring Cato's glare.

"Sure," I said in an extremely fake sweet voice. "but if you keep this up, that sugar cube will be your _last_ meal."

Finnick laughed before slapping Cato on the back. "You sure know how to pick them."

Having said that, he strolled away, leaving Cato looking pretty embarrassed. "Ignore him, he's a douche."

"That's okay, I'm sure he knows where he can stick that sugar cube." I said, smirking at him and making him laugh.

"As long as he can run fast with it, I don't care." he joked, looking down at his gun. _"Come on, let's get you some weapons."_

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _7:45  
_

Blood of the innocent splittered on the streets. Screams of the poor and homeless echoed around the city, making chills run down my spine. I was terrified. There was nowhere to hide. Gale's place was still quite far and I couldn't run as fast as I wanted because I began stumbling across more and more people which was affectively slowing me down.

I was thankful to Cato that he had taught me how to fight and handle weapons. But then again, if it wasn't for him, I would not be stuck out here with _no_ weapons. I wouldn't have been out here to begin with.

This time wasn't like the last two times I found myself out on the streets, purging. This time I had no one to watch my back. This time I was on my own and I had no plan because being here was never my intention. How did this happen? _How could this happen?_

A horrifying scream startled me and before I could locate where it came from, I saw a man falling from a third-story window onto the ground, no more than ten feet from me. I gasped in shock and took a few steps back, feeling my hands start to shake. Then I heard some footsteps behind me. Yet when I turned around, no one was there. An empty wine bottle caught my eye. I quickly picked it up, feeling rather pathetic knowing that that was all I had on me.

I walked close to the wall of the building next to me, counting steps as I got closer and closer to the end of the alley. I knew someone was out in the street close to me so I lifted my arm, bottle at ready. I could almost hear my own heart beating wildly in my chest. I felt like I was suspended between life and death in that moment.

And it would soon turn out that that feeling was very correct.

As soon as I peeked my head from behind the wall to check the street, something hit me across the head. I fell on the ground, dropping the bottle in result. It crushed into pieces right next to me. As I blindly tried to get up, I felt agonizing pain cut through my arm. I couldn't hear anything. My ears were ringing and everything was a blur.

It almost seemed like minutes had passed by before I finally heard yells somewhere far in the distance right before I felt myself being picked up. I began struggling but the person holding me from behind just lifted me up in the air so that I ended up kicking my legs around in order to try to get myself free. He was too strong, though.

"Get off me!" I screamed. At last, my vision cleared up and I was able to see more moving figures in the darkness and to my horror, my eyes found the white truck that I had seen before. _"No!_ Get the hell **off** of me!"

"We got one more!" the man holding me yelled to the rest who were busy grabbing two other homeless guys that had been hiding behind trash containers. I started struggling even more, feeling something hot and wet flowing down my hand. Suddenly, I was thrown onto the ground roughly right by the truck. "Get her inside, I see one more over there!" the man who grabbed me shouted at somebody else. Before I had the chance to even think of getting up or crawling away, I felt someone's hands on my arms again. That person picked me up and I frowned at his mask-covered face because there was something off about him; his grip was simply too gentle and despite the mask he was wearing I could tell that he was staring at me intensely.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" I cried out, trying to push him away. His grip on me tightened and then he roughly pulled me closer to him, making my eyes grow wide in surprise. "What the-"

 _"Be **quiet**!" _ he whisper-yelled, his chest moving rapidly against my own.

 _That_ _voice._ Where did I know that voice fro-

 _"Cato, we're behind schedule, let's go!"_

My body went cold. His name coming out of that guy's mouth hit me so hard that I became dizzy all over again. I looked up and in the eyes of the man in front of me. His clear, blue eyes stared right back at me and instantly, I recognized him.

 _Cato._

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope you guys liked it and please, share your thoughts with me!

Special thanks to " _Somebody knows_ " for reviewing! :)


	3. Trespass

_"I can see the wind coming down,_

 _Like black night._

 _So speak to me, like the winds outside._

 _It's broken up, pushing us._

 _Hear the rain fall, see the wind come to my eyes._

 _See the storm broken._

 _Now nothing..."_

 _~ Moby Sky is broken"_

* * *

 **Chapter 3: "Trespass"**

 _March 21, 2021_  
 _5:07_

"Come on, let's get you some weapons." Cato said, nodding in the direction of the table. I agreed with a nod and followed him to the living room. I took a seat right next to him on the couch, feeling everyone's eyes on me. I thought that Cato would go ahead and introduce me but he seemed not to care too much. Without a word he grabbed one of the pistols from the table. "Check this one out," he said, handing it to me. "you remember everything I taught you, right?"

I raised my eyebrows coldly and he smirked. I mean, _of course I remembered._

"Nice to finally have a new girl in the pack." a female voice suddenly rang out in my ear and I turned my head to the left where a reddish brown haired girl was sitting, gaping at me with a quite crazy smirk on her face. Before I had the chance to respond, Cato got on his feet and looked down at us.

"Johanna, help her out, alright? I gotta go check something." he told the girl then glanced at me. "You gonna be ok?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm good." I said, sounding rather uncertain. But he just smiled down at me and walked away, leaving me alone with Johanna.

"Don't worry, I won't bite you." she winked at me, then picked up a small axe from the table. "So how'd you meet Cato?"

For a moment I stared at her hands that were playing with the axe, then looked up. "He came up to me one day at school, like three months ago." I explained. "I'm Clove, by the way.

"I know who you are." she said with a snicker. "I'm in your science class."

I blinked fast with surprise, feeling a bit stupid. _"Oh._ Sorry, I don't really pay much attention to people at school."

"You're friends with that Gale guy, right?" she asked out of the blue, ignoring my last sentence. I frowned at her question.

"Yeah," I drawled, nodding "we've been friends for years."

"Lucky girl. He's _hot."_

It seemed to me like Johanna was the type of person who always speaks her mind, no matter how others might react to it. I felt a pang of an unidentified feeling in the pit of my stomach after she said that but I ignored it.

"So," I said, putting down the pistol Cato had given me and hoping to change the subject. "How'd you end up here?"

"I'm afraid my story isn't much different from yours. Cato came up to me one day, too. Over a year ago."

I bit my bottom lip and frowned again; I guess I was nothing special then. I really wasn't sure why that bothered me.

"He has a good instinct, that guy." Johanna continued, failing to notice my reaction. "Most people in this room had been invited by him to join the pack at some point throughout the last two years. And trust me when I say they all can kick some serious ass."

 _Well, I had no doubt about that.._

"So how many times have you gone out to purge?"

"Once." she said, smirking again. And I honestly had no idea what was so funny. "Ever since we first went purging, Cato's been looking for more people to join."

"He train you too?" I asked, now admiring a rifle. Johanna laughed dryly, making me narrow my eyes at her.

"Girl, I don't _need_ anybody to train me. I trained myself." she told me, grabbing one of the guns and handing it to me. "This one will suit you."

I took it from her hesitantly, wondering how the hell she was so sure which gun I might like. She was very self-confident, that much I could tell. I looked the gun over, remembering the one Cato had used before to teach me how to shoot. This one looked similar enough. I guessed Johanna actually did know a thing or two about guns, after all.

"Cato call you to make sure you were coming?" she asked me all of a sudden.

"No, why?"

She looked genuinely surprised by my answer. "Well, he usually calls the newbies. Last time a few people chickened out. He was **so** pissed."

"Oh," I said, a bit confused myself. "Well actually, yesterday he suggested that I should stay home tonight. He kinda tried to talk me out of coming here."

At this point, Johanna looked like I'd just slapped her. She watched me carefully for a while, before breaking into a sly smirk once more. " _That's a first_."

"What do you mean?"

She laughed in a way that made me think it couldn't be more obvious. "Let's just say Cato's not exactly the caring kind, okay? He's never tried to talk _me_ out of purging before. Or anyone else here for that matter. It'd kinda defeat the purpose, wouldn't you say? Why ask people to join if you're later going to tell them not come, right? But if you ask _me,_ I'm pretty sure he told you not to come because he's actually _worried_ about you."

I scowled, because as clear as Johanna was making it, I still found it rather hard to believe. She gave me this annoyingly smug look before glancing somewhere over my shoulder. I turned around and saw Cato standing there, talking to Finnick and some other guys. He suddenly glanced away from them and to me. Having noticed me staring, he smiled. Before I had the chance to do anything, he went back to chatting with others.

I felt Johanna give me a pat on the back before she too walked away. And I just knew she saw that smile that Cato had sent my way. My eyes followed her for a moment, before I turned my focus back to the weapons.  
My hand reached out and got a hold of a very sharp-looking, shiny knife.

* * *

 _March 22, 2021_  
 _8:15am_

I walked down the same hall of the very same school that I've been going to for too long by now. But something seemed different. I _felt_ different. I watched the faces of all those people that I hated and, to my surprise, for the first time ever I felt more in control of the rage inside of me. For once I kept my head high, as I walked. Nobody tried coming in my way. It was almost as if all of them suddenly knew what I had done last night. Even though I knew they couldn't possibly know.

I turned into the corridor on my right and only managed to take a few steps, before someone grabbed me and pulled me into one of the classrooms. My instinct kicked in and I immediately fought back, but then I was pushed against the wall and just as I was about to punch the shit out of whoever it was, I froze.

" _Why good morning to you, too, little girl."_

I wanted nothing more than to wipe that smirk right off of his face. "Cato, what the _hell?"_

 _"Scared_ you?" he laughed, looking pleased with himself and still not letting me go.

"Nothing scares me," I told him arrogantly, pushing him back hard. "but you're an ass."

"Well, I can live with that."

I rolled my eyes but then I saw a quite long and fresh cut going from the base of his neck and down his chest, disappearing under his shirt. Without thinking, I ran my fingers across it. When I realized what I was doing I quickly jerked my hand back, feeling his amused stare on me. "Don't worry, feisty. It doesn't hurt anymore."

I smiled a little, having a hard time looking away from those blue eyes of his. He looked away from mine, though and fixed his stare on my forehead where I had a plum-sized, blue-ish lump. "How's your head doing?" he asked, recreating what I did to his wound and making me hit him on the chest. "Ow jerk, it hurts!"

"Aww, should I call you a little _baby_ from now on?" he teased. Laughing, I pushed him as far away from me as I could. "I'm gonna kick your ass." I told him, putting on a serious face.

"After last night.. girl, I have _no_ doubt about that." he assured me, receiving a grin from me. For another while we just stood there, gaping at each other stupidly. As if we were happy to see each other. As if we were happy to be alive. _Oh, wait._

We **were.**

Cato glanced at my bruised forehead once more before looking me in the eyes again;

 _"Wanna get out of here?"_

* * *

 _March 22,2021_  
 _9:15_

I didn't know that it was possible for me to have fun anymore. I didn't expect for me to still be capable of something as simple as _fun._ In the world where all the good and decent values were like ancient history, I guess I figured fun was no longer meant for everyone. I thought it was just for the rich. Those who had no worries. Those who knew they weren't going to die a gruesome death anytime soon. Those who were safe from the worst of their enemies.

 _I guess I was wrong._

"I can't believe we're actually going to do that!" I laughed, watching Cato work on a padlock.

 _"What,_ you're trying to tell me you've never trespassed before?" he asked, throwing an amused glance at me. I shook my head, grinning like a kid on Christmas. "Well, little girl, you have _not_ lived!"

In a matter of seconds, Cato removed the padlock and opened the door to some rich folks' swimming pool. I looked at him in disbelief, but he just smirked. "Ladies first."

I couldn't believe I actually went in. Then again, why would I _not?_ This felt almost as exciting as last night.

"You should've told me we were going swimming, I don't have a bathing suit on me."

"Who said you needed one?" Cato said, taking his shirt off with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and watched him strip down to his boxers. _Funny._ But I really didn't feel embarassed, nor was I shocked that he did that. I really did feel like a whole new person after last night. It was almost frightening.

"Come on, feisty." he encouraged me, throwing his shirt at me. I caught it before it could hit me on the face. "Make my day, would you?"

I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows. He just stood there, basically naked. Or at least as naked as I've ever seen him or any other guy for that matter.

"We might get caught." I told him. _As if he didn't know that._

"Hey now. What's life without a risk?"

I smiled and dropped his shirt. _What the hell, right?_ My top and jeans joined his shirt on the ground. Before he could even think of checking me out, I ran right into him and we both fell into the pool. The water made it into my eyes and nose right away, as I sank down almost to the bottom. Immediately, I began pushing my way up in a desperate need for oxygen. I finally came up to the top and took a deep, choking breath. At once, I felt Cato's hands on my arms, as I continued to try and catch my breath. I placed my hands on his shoulders and coughed some more.

 _"You okay?"_

I nodded and when I finally managed to open my eyes, I realized just how close we were. I ended up having my arms wrapped around his neck with my legs around his waist. I swear I've _never_ seen anyone look at me the way he was in that moment. His eyes were incredibly bright and warm. I watched the water drops roll down his face and my breath has been taken away. I felt like I was back under the water and there was no oxygen around whatsoever.

Glimpses from excitements of last night appeared in front of my eyes and I found myself moving my hands from Cato's shoulders and up his neck. They came to rest on his cheeks, making him smile. I really didn't care what was going to happen next. It's been a very long time since I last felt truly ... _happy._ Last night has changed a lot for me. I felt more in control than ever. It might have been silly, but I really did feel like I had a say in all this now, like I wasn't helpless anymore. And it was all thanks to him.

At last, it seemed that Cato got tired of waiting and he was about to take matters into his own hands. He began leaning in and I sucked in a breath because I knew what he was going to do. And damn me if I wasn't going to let him-

 _"Hey, what are you kids doing here!?"_

"Shit!" Cato cussed, pulling away from me with a smirk. " _Time to go_!"

I laughed and we both swam to the edge of the pool. Cato got out first and then helped me out.

"I'm calling the police!" the lady screamed from the window. I snickered, pulling my top over my head in a hurry, while Cato was trying to put on his pants so fast he almost fell over.

"Let's go!" he gasped, picking up our shirts and shoes. I ran toward the door and he followed me. We ran down the street together; he was shirtless and I was jeans-less, both of us running barefeet with our clothes sticking to our wet skin. But we didn't stop until we felt we were far enough from that property. We turned into a little park on our right, ignoring the onlookers.

 _"Man,_ that was the shortest swim I've ever taken." Cato summed up, breathing hard, as we stopped running. I agreed with a laugh. "Here." he handed me my jeans and shoes and I took them from him with a thankful smile. "Your feet okay?"

"I think so." I told him, putting my jeans and sandals on.

"Good." he smiled, pulling his shirt over his head. "So _now_ what? Wanna go back to school?"

I looked up at him with raised eyebrows, then pulled my dripping wet hair to the side, squeezing some water out of it. That was all the answer he needed from me. "Okay," he laughed."I have an idea. _Let's go_."

We didn't talk about what happened in the pool. Or rather what _almost_ happened. We didn't say a word about it. And that was more than fine with me because that gave us the chance to spend the best post-Purge day anyone could ever hope for. We didn't mention anything that went down only a few hours ago. We didn't think of the aftermath of last night's events . We didn't want to think about all the tragedy that presumbly so many families had woken up to. In our minds, we've done all we could. We've done everything that kids our age could have done.  
With that in our heads, we found the strenght to carry on with our day and somehow tune out the sounds of sirens that our city was constantly filled with; they almost sounded like the screams of all the people that last night's Purge had hurt. But we weren't one of them. We were lucky. We were strong.

We spent that day doing everything and anything we could think of. We went to the movies, we walked around, we went to the beach and ate junk food. I didn't want to think. I felt good.

 _I felt good._

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _7:52_

 _"Be quiet!" he whisper-yelled, his chest moving rapidly against my own._

 _That voice.. where did I know that voice from?_

 _"Cato, we're behind schedule, let's go!"_

 _My body went cold. His name coming out of that guy's mouth hit me so hard that I became dizzy all over again. I looked up and in the eyes of the man in front of me. His clear, blue eyes stared right back at me and instantly, I recognized him._

 _Cato._

I couldn't br _e_ athe. All the much needed oxygen left my lungs as soon as his name was mentioned. This couldn't be Cato. This _couldn't_ be the guy that I thought I knew so well.

"What's with the hold up!?" same guy yelled again, beginning to head our way. "Get her inside the truck!"

Cato squeezed my arms gently and though I couldn't see his face, I knew that underneath that mask, horror was cringing his features. When the other guy was halfway to the truck, all the shock at having seen me captured seemed to finally have passed.

He let go.

 _"Go."_ he whispered. I took a few steps back, feeling almost incapable of running at that point. "I'll catch up with you. Go, **now**!" he told me and I finally listened. I turned on my heels and began running for my life.

"What the _hell_ are you doing!?" I heard the same guy's voice again, screaming at Cato. I quickly assumed he must have been the leader. "She's getting away, go get her!"

"No, _not her_ , Jackson." Cato said, so calm it amazed me. While running at full speed, I looked over my shoulder and saw the rest of the gang becoming interested in what was going. There was about six of them and they were scattered in different parts of the street. They all began to approach the truck and I felt fear in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't help it. _I couldn't leave him_. I stopped running.

"Look, I don't give _one_ shit if she's your sister or girlfriend or Goddamn classmate!" the guy, whom Cato had called Jackson, yelled in his face. "We get paid five grand per person, so go get her or I **swear** I'll kill her right in front of you-"

Those were the last words that he had managed to scream out. In a blink of an eye, Cato moved his arm back and then punched him hard enough to bring him to the ground.

" _Didn't you hear what I said_?!" Cato roared, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. "NOT _her!"_

I saw him glance up to the rest of the gang and he quickly realized what I had known ever since he'd let me go. He was no longer one of them. And so he did the one thing he could; he took off. As soon as he did, I started running down the street again, hoping that he would manage to catch up. Or at least that he'd get to me first. Before any of them do.

"Son of a _bitch!"_ I heard Jackson yell furiously, as he was probably getting up from the ground, likely with a broken nose. "Go get them! _Now!"_

I figured we'd get an extra minute or so before they put all those people they had caught before me in the truck and before each one of them grabs their scooter. But right after that, they were going to be right on our heels. I looked over my shoulder once more.

 _No Cato._

For a few seconds I had nothing. My head was empty. I had no idea whatsoever as to what I should do to escape the upcoming death. But thank goodness, that black out didn't last very wrong.

I remembered one of the things that Cato had told me about once. Quickly I turned into the first alley to my left, then ran all the way until the end of it. Once I made it to another street, I turned left again and began running back in the direction I first came from where the gang was. Except, now we were a block apart with buildings seperating us. I turned into the alley on my left once more and jumped behind a big trash container, praying that they would just ride down the street where they had last seen me and not think of turning around or searching too close to where they had captured me.

I heard roars of the engines and some cuss words filled yells. Trying to calm down the pacing of my heart, I took a few deep breaths as quietly as I could, covering my mouth with a trembling hand. Moments after, all the sounds began to die down and I managed to shakily get myself up. Keeping my eyes on the street, I took a few steps back and, as I felt someone's huge hands roughly grab me from behind, I remembered one more thing that Cato had once told me, only a little _too_ late;

 _Watch your back._ He'd said. _  
_

I gasped and began struggling, but before I had the chance to even think of a way to get myself free, those strong hands let go of me. I quickly turned around and faced a big man with a dirty, blood-marked face, standing there with wide eyes. At first I didn't understand what had just happened, but then the man fell to his knees and was hit on the head by someone behind him. The man collapsed on the ground, unconcious, and I looked up.

His hand reached up and took off the mask from his face and I instantly felt sick. It really _was_ him. Every bit of naive hope that I had inside of me died. It was him.

 _It was Cato._

I stared at him with a look of pure disbelief and disappointment painted on my pale face. _How could he?_

"You okay?" he asked and all I wanted was to slap him with that mask he had put on for the night. _Coward._ He should've at least let the people know who he was. Let them see his face before he puts them in the back of that truck and takes them God knows where.

I wanted to shout it all out to him, even though I knew it was not the wisest idea. But I cared so little in that very moment. And so I opened my mouth and was about to give it to him, but then we heard the motorcycles coming our way again. I felt Cato grab me fast and pull me down. We squatted behind the trash container and listened.

"You find them?" the guy, whose voice I remembered oh too well by now, asked the others. I couldn't see him from our hiding spot but I could tell he was enraged.

"No, we lost them." somebody else replied and then there was a sound of something heavy hitting a wall.

"Fucking _knew_ it was a mistake to let that assbag join us!"

I glanced at Cato; if he felt any way about those words, he was doing a damn good job at not showing it.

"What can you do? I mean, I guess that's better for us. We won't have to split our cash with him. We don't need him anyway-"

" _Better for us?_ " I heard Jackson's voice again, shaking with rage and madness. "That bastard cost us _five_ grand because of that damn girl. I want you to find them _both,_ are we clear?"

There was silence for a few moments in which I had to hold my breath; I was too scared they'd hear me.

"I'm sure they're around. We'll find them." a new voice rang out, followed by Jackson's dark laugh;

" _You better_." he warned them. "Now let's move."

Moments later they were gone and I was left, frozen to the ground with Cato next to me. Cato who was afraid to even look at me. Cato who I didn't think I knew anymore.

I glanced at him but, as I expected, he refused to meet my eyes. And I couldn't help but have one word echoing in my pain-filled head;

 _Coward._

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading. :)


	4. Sabotage

_"There are ways that I've been falling,_

 _There are times that I've been so weak._

 _There are moments I hear redemption calling,_

 _But I'm too far down to speak._

 _So come sweet fire of mercy,_

 _cover up my skin,_

 _warm me like the sun,_

 _won't you let me in?"_

 **~ Jackson Waters 'Come Undone'**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: "Sabotage"**

 _April 7, 2021_

 _12:15 p.m._

It was amazing but ever since that remarkable Purge night, I found myself actually _accepting_ school. I no longer dreaded getting up every morning. Nor did I hate every minute of every school day around all those people. I was almost in a _good mood;_

"I'm starving." Gale groaned next to me, as we were both walking down the hall toward the cafeteria.

"You're _always_ hungry." I said with a chuckle and he gave me a dirty look. _"What?_ It's true."

"Says the girl who always eats half of my food." he fired back teasingly.

"I can't help that you always happen to get something I have an appetite for!" I defended myself, placing my hand on the chest in mock shock. "You always make me question my lunch choice, man."

Gale laughed, giving me a slight push. He and I have always been joking around and teasing each other; that was what our long time friendship centered upon. He was a truly great friend and I couldn't be more happy to have him around. For the most part he was the only reason that I had been able to carry on swallowing this big joke in the form of school. But _now,_ I couldn't forget about one more major reason why my life had taken a turn for the better-

 _"Hey, Clove!"_

You know what they say; _speak of the devil_. Gale and I both stopped and turned around as soon as my name was mentioned. I saw Cato heading our way and I just couldn't help but smile.

"Hey," I said once he made it to us. "how's it going?"

"Pretty good, thanks for asking." Cato replied politely, sending me a smirk. "How are _you,_ little girl?"

"Decent, thanks."

Lost in my own thoughts and that smile of his, I almost forgot about my company. I snapped back to reality and glanced at my best friend who didn't look very happy. "Gale, this is Cato."

"Hey man," Cato said, holding out his hand. "how you doin'? You're in my English class, right?"

Reluctantly, Gale shook his hand. "Yeah, last time I checked."

"Cool." Cato said, ignoring his glare and turning to me. "So Cloves, it's my birthday later this week. And while I honestly don't care much for it, Finnick likes to use every and any excuse to throw a party, _so..._ I was wondering if you'd like to stop by."

The tension between the three of us seemed to only be getting thicker by the minute. I knew Gale wasn't happy. He's always been very protective of me and now this new guy shows up out of nowhere, calls me nicknames and invites me to a party. A guy that I didn't even bother telling him about. I mean, I wouldn't be too happy if it was the other way around, either. I actually started feeling bad. I realized that ever since I met Cato, I've been kind of neglecting our friendship. I used to tell him about everything. And now, I didn't even _think_ of telling him about Cato.

"I, uh-" I stuttered, feeling my face growing hot. "When is it?"

"Friday night." he told me, throwing a quick glance at Gale. _"Interested?"_

I looked at my friend, as well, making it seem like I was asking for permission. "Sure. Sounds good."

"Great," Cato smiled. "we start at 8."

"Okay." I nodded, smiling back and watching him go. For a moment, I just stood there, feeling uneasy with how this just played out. I waited for Gale to speak first and he sure did;

"You forgot to ask him for his address, _little girl_."

Little did he know I didn't have to since I had already been at his apartment. Deciding it wasn't a good idea to point that out, I just sighed and turned to face him with a pleading look in my eyes. "Don't be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad?" he shrugged, continuing to walk down the hall. I ran a hand through my hair and stared after him, not very sure what to do. At last, I caught up with him and tried to meet his eyes, but he wouldn't even look at me.

"Look, I'm sorry, Gale, ok?" I said to him softly. "I know I haven't been exactly a very good friend these days."

"It's not that you haven't been a good friend. You just haven't been around much."

"Which is what I mean-"

"Yeah, but I'm saying that I thought you've just been busy. I didn't realize _that_ guy was the reason." he explained, looking both hurt and betrayed. "It's fine, you know. I'm just not sure at what point did you stop telling me things."

"I'm _sorry."_ I apologized again, pretty much at a loss for words. I felt really crappy. If he was so hurt because I never bothered telling him about Cato, then I had no idea how he was going to react if I told him I had gone out purging and that was actually why I've been acting so different.

"Yeah, you said that already." Gale said and I almost shivered at the coldness of his voice. "Let's just go grab lunch."

With that he just went ahead of me and to me it felt like he might have as well just slapped me across the face. That was literally a first. Gale had never, not _once_ treated me this way before. I trailed behind him with a heavy stomach and one word left in my confused mind;

 _Ouch._

* * *

 _April 10, 2021_

 _10:35 a.m._

I woke up with a pounding head and aching body, barely able to get my eyes open. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I placed my hand on my forehead and propping myself up on my elbow, I slowly pulled myself up into a sitting position. At last, I opened my eyes and as soon as I did, I froze.

 _This was not my room._

I looked around, my eyes widening more with every second passing. This wasn't my room or my bed _or-_

I glanced down and made a shocking discovery; the shirt I was wearing was also definitely _not mine_ , because first of all it was a man's shirt and secondly, it was like five sizes too big. My stomach was in knots as I slowly pulled the covers off of me and scrambled out of the bed, which I had already established **wasn't** mine.

Ignoring all the dizziness that I was experiencing, I walked over to the door and quietly opened it. I poked my head out of the room and saw nobody in the hallway. Carefully, I stepped outside and slowly walked toward the other room, finally remembering the party I had come for last night. Which must have meant that... _I was in Cato's apartment._

As I walked inside the familiar living room, a male voice startled me. " _Well, well._ Morning, princess."

I turned my head and saw Finnick standing shirtless in the kitchen, smirking at me with a flirtatious sparkle in his eyes. I stared at him with my own eyes wide open, still as a statue. He laughed at me and I realized how ridiculous I must have looked; all messy hair, yesterday's make up leftovers and wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt.

" _Where's Cato?_ " I asked him the only question I could think of at the time, sounding horribly hoarse.

"He's in the shower." Finnick said, leaning back against the fridge with his arms crossed over his toned chest. "Which, when you think about it, gives us a perfect opportunity to get it on-"

" _And here I thought you liked your face, Finn."_

I felt an immediate lump in my throat when I saw Cato coming into the kitchen, shooting daggers at Finnick. I was glad to see that at least _he_ was fully dressed in a simple white top and shorts. Finnick smirked at him, unfazed.

" _Aaand_ I'm out." he drawled, beginning to make his way out of the living room. "Be good!"

As soon as he was gone, Cato looked at me with a warm smile. "How are you feelin'?"  
Feeling a blush coming up, I nervously pulled at the hem of the shirt I was wearing, hoping I wasn't showing too much. " _Uh_... I'm okay. Just have a massive headache."

"Go figure." Cato snickered, reaching inside one of the cabinets. "There." he said, placing a bottle of aspirin on the counter. "Take these."

I glanced down at it and slowly took a few steps toward the kitchen. Cato actually had enough common sense to not watch me; he must have sensed how confused and embarassed I was.

I made it to the counter and grabbed the aspirin. He poured me a glass of water and handed it to me without even looking at me. "Thanks." I whispered, taking two pills out of the bottle and in my mouth. I washed them down and let out a deep sigh.

"I'm making breakfast, want some?" Cato asked, grabbing some stuff from the fridge.

"I didn't know you were the cooking type." I said, staring at the glass in my hands, not sure how to act.

"I've got many hidden talents that you don't know about." he announced, sending me a smirk. I felt myself blushing again so I cleared my throat and prepared to ask him something that I'd really prefer not to have to ask. But I needed to know. There was no avoiding it.

"Cato, did we-" I choked out, making him look up from the food he was busy prepping. "Last night... _did we_ -"

" _Oh yeah_." he cut me off, laughing carelessly, before he went back to his previous task. Instantly, I felt like the floor had been removed from beneath my feet. _What the hell did I do?_ Feeling sick, I placed my hand on my twirling stomach and was about to walk away when his voice stopped me; " _Come on, Clove_." he said, his smile no longer suggestive. "You don't actually think I'd do something like that, do you?"

I felt huge relief wash all over me, but that didn't stop me from glaring at him. " _That was a bad joke_."

"Yeah maybe, but the look on your face was priceless." he grinned, breaking some eggs onto the pan.

"Well, why am I wearing your shirt?" I asked, knowing this was not yet the end of awkward questions.

 _"Because_ you spilled all there was to spill on your clothes last night. I figured you'd be happy if you didn't have to wake up today not only hungover, but all gross and sticky, too." Cato explained, following it with an amused snicker. "But don't worry; I didn't see anything. Johanna was the one who helped you change."

"Why was I in your bed?" I narrowed my eyes at him, looking for any possible signs of dishonesty.

"Because it was either my bed or Finnick's." he shrugged. "Again, though, no worries. I didn't sleep in there with you. I took the couch." he said, nodding toward the living room. I looked over my shoulder and noticed pillows and a blanket on the couch he just referred to. I licked my dry lips and turned back around, feeling my body start to relax.

"You're not much of a drinker, are you?" Cato raised his eyebrows at me and I shook my head with a small smile.

 _"No..._ last night was actually the first time I drank alcohol."

He looked genuinely surprised for a second, but quickly shook it off. "Well, had I known that I would of stopped her."

"Stopped who?" I frowned, putting my, now empty, glass down on the counter.

 _"Johanna."_ Cato said, smirking at me. "She's the one who got you so messed up."

I scowled, taken aback. _"Really?"_

"Yeah," he laughed again. "you were hanging out with her all night. In fact, you and I barely even talked. Which, by the way, broke my _heart,_ little girl." he said with a hand placed over his heart and a fake expression of sorrow on his face. Smirking, I rolled my eyes. I suddenly realized that that was probably my favorite thing to do while around him. I never really rolled my eyes at anybody else.

"So you're saying Johanna and I got drunk together?"

"Nah, she was straight. Can't say the same about _you."_ I glared, poking my tongue out at him like a darn first grader. Cato just continued, "By the end of the night you shouted out how you have finally found your _'_ female BFF'." I snapped my mouth shut, feeling my eyes go wide as ever. He chuckled. "You actually **did** say ' _female BFF'_."

"Oh _God."_ I groaned, closing my eyes and burying my face in my hands. "Okay, I need to go." I said, opening my eyes again and letting out a deep breath. "I'm supposed to meet a friend."

"Sure you don't want to eat first?" he asked me, sounding genuinely concerned. I glanced down at the eggs and cringed.

"As good as this looks, I don't think my stomach would be up for any food right now. _I'll pass_."

"Sure. Your clothes are in the dryer." he told me, pointing at the bathroom door. I furrowed my eyebrows, yet again surprised with the events from last night. _He washed my clothes for me?_

"Thank you." I whispered and he just smiled. "I don't even remember if I wished you a happy birthday-"

"Clove, I think that last night you wished me a happy birthday more times than everybody altogether _in my life._ You're good." he assured me with his face so amused it rubbed off on me. I laughed.

"Okay, great." I said, scratching my head awkwardly. "Well, uh.. I'm gonna go change now. And, thanks for inviting me. Sounds like I had a lot of fun." I giggled, feeling more and more embarassed with every time he'd look at me.

"You sure did." he confirmed. "Glad you stopped by."

"Me too." I said sincerely, giving him one last smile before heading for the bathroom. I sensed that he was watching me so I stopped and looked over my shoulder only to see him quickly glance down. _"And here I thought you liked your face."_ I joked, throwing his own line from a few minutes ago back at him.

"Sorry," he smirked. "couldn't help myself."

I shook my head and quickly went inside the bathroom with my cheeks burning and my stomach filled with the figurative butterflies that I had never felt before.

* * *

 _April 12, 2021_

 _12:15 p.m._

It was a sunny Monday and Gale and I were, as always at that time, going for lunch. I spent the entire last weekend with him, during which we've done a lot of fun stuff but we also did talk about some important things and thanks to that it seemed like Gale's anger with me had completely evaporated. He still didn't seem very happy about me making friends with someone like Cato, but well, he had to suck it up for my sake. I liked Cato. He could tell I did. And so I was hoping he would push all the protective nature of his aside to make room for acceptance. I really had no intentions of cutting Cato out. He made me feel good. Strong. And for the first time ever, attractive. The way he looked at me was something else. I had no idea how to go about it because before I met him, I had only been hanging out with one guy. And Gale and I have never moved our friendship anywhere close to the level that Cato and I seemed to be on these days. Even though, I still kinda thought it was all in my head at times. I mean, he trained me for almost three whole months, _every_ weekend. Not once did he try anything. Not once did he say anything that'd make me assume he was interested. But then I remembered how desperate he seemed to convince me not to go purging with them. And I remembered everything that Johanna had told me about how he seemed worried about me. And then there was that brief moment in the swimming pool that neither me or Cato had talked about ever since. And I won't even mention the morning after his birthday party-

"Clove!" I heard Johanna's voice and it startled me out of my thoughts. "Come sit!" she called to us from the table she was sitting at by herself. I looked at Gale to make sure he was okay with that. He nodded with an uncertain smile and so we took her up on that offer and moments later, the three of us were sitting together. "Still hungover?" Johanna decided to tease me, receiving a whole-hearted glare from me.

"That's funny, Jo. I heard it was _you_ that poured drinks down my throat all night."

 _"Hey,_ I was only handing them to you." she said, putting her hands up in mock surrender. She then stared at Gale with a smirk. "Hi there, handsome."

I glanced at Gale who had a rather sheepish look on his face. Still, he did smile back. "Nice to meet you, too. Your name's Jo?"

"Johanna. But you can call me _anything_ you want." she winked at him and I had to stop myself from clearing my throat. "Clove, 9 o'clock."

"What?" I asked, confused. Jo rolled her eyes at my lack of cooperation.

" _Look to your left, girl_. Someone's been watching you like a hawk ever since you came in."

I frowned but decided to see what the hell she was talking about. To my surprise (or not, actually) my eyes met Cato's. He was sitting at another table not too far from ours with Finnick and two other guys I strangely found familiar. I figured they must have attended his party, too.

Of course, Johanna was right. He _was_ staring. As soon as our eyes met, he sent a smile my way. I quickly got rid of the frown my face was holding and felt my lips involuntarily curl upwards at the sight of him. Sensing Gale's eyes on me, I tore my gaze away from Cato and turned my head around. "I don't think he's _watching_ me."

"Suit yourself." Johanna sighed, leaning back in her chair and giving Gale another flirtatious smirk. I honestly didn't know how to feel about this girl. On the one hand, I was very fond of her because she actually did remind me of Cato a bit; the way she behaved and talked. But on the other hand... I wanted her to back the _hell_ away from Gale. Which was ridiculous, really, given the fact that at first I had a hard time understading why Gale had such a big problem with Cato. _Guess now I knew._

"I forgot to bring a drink." I lied, choosing to get away from Johanna for a minute. "Be right back." I added, getting up and glancing at Gale who just nodded, busy with his sandwich. I took that opportunity to glance back at Cato again. His eyes were still on me and I felt the intense tension between us squeeze my heart until I was out of breath. I looked away and began heading toward the nearest vending machine.

I was halfway there when I heard someone call my name from behind me. _"Clove."_

I turned around and barely managed to smile before he pulled me in and kissed me right then and there in the cafeteria with everyone's eyes on us. Oddly enough, I didn't care. I felt Cato's hands on the back of my thighs shortly before he picked me up so that now I was slightly above his eye level. His lips never left mine as he did so and I had no complaints. Ignoring the fact we were being watched by half of our school, not only did I let him kiss me; I kissed him _back._ I placed my hands on his cheeks and responded so enthusiastically it made him smile into my mouth.

We didn't really hear all the whistles and clapping that filled the cafeteria. It was only me and him. And I have never felt more careless and lighter in my entire life. It seemed like minutes have passed before Cato slowly dropped me to my feet again and pulled away, leaving me completely breathless. I looked up at him with so many emotions written on my face it'd be hard to name any of them.

"Sorry," he rasped, smiling at me softly but with a playful spark in his eyes. " _couldn't help myself_." he said, making me flashback to last Saturday morning when it was just me and him in that kitchen and where, for the first time, I had acknowledged the unusal tension between us.

Without waiting for any sort of response from me, Cato turned back around and began walking back to his table, as if nothing happened. I stood there with my slightly swollen lips parted, deeply in shock. At one point, he glanced over his shoulder and sent me a wink before sitting back at his and Finnick's table, ignoring all the smirks people were sending his way.

With a dumb-founded expression on my face, I took a few, slow steps forward, trying to look contained and completely composed, when in fact I was the exact opposite. Still, I made my way back to the table _somehow_ with all those eyes watching my ever move. I don't think my presence has ever been recognized by so many people at once before.

"Okay," I breathed, sitting down beside Gale and facing Johanna. "he _was_ watching me."

She just snickered, then dug her fork into her salad. I watched her play with it for a little while, dreading the moment I'd have to look at Gale. But when I finally did, I learned that he was still busy as ever with his sandwich, a very unfamiliar cold and indifferent look on his face.

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _8:03 p.m.  
_

The gang of masked cowards finally seemed to have left the scene and it was just me and Cato, hiding behing the trash container, sensitive to every single sound. We gave the silence another minute, before getting back on our feet. I glanced to the man Cato had knocked out cold to make sure he was still unconcious and then stared at my former friend with nothing but hatred filling my glistening eyes.

"You _bastard,"_ I whispered darkly and that eventually made him look at me. "You _motherfucking_ bastard!" I cussed, lunging forward and hitting him on the chest. "How **could** you!?"

"Stop!" Cato whisper-yelled, trying to grab my arms. " _Stop it, Clove_!"

He was stupid if he thought I'd listen. I wasn't even close to stopping. I kept hitting him everywhere I could, calling him every insulting name in the book. Tears sprung to my eyes and I just felt so betrayed. I felt like everything that had made me fall for him before was just a dirty lie.

 _"You lying piece of sh-"_

I didn't get the chance to finish, because Cato pushed me against the wall behind me, his hand across my mouth cutting my breath short. "Shut **up**!" he hissed and if it hadn't been for the fact that I really did not feel like dying tonight, I would've kicked him in the crotch, yelled some more and left him right there in that alley. But I knew that whether I liked it or not, I _needed_ him to get through the night. _And_ ... it didn't really matter how much I hated him in that moment; I still cared too much to leave him behind.

Cato moved his hand at last and grabbed my arm quite roughly, dragging me along. Looking around frantically, he led me across the street and then into another alley. He then stopped suddenly, let go of me and kneeled beside the building wall. I watched him look over a small basement window at the bottom of the wall before he easily opened it, pushing it to the inside. He glanced at me over his shoulder. "Get in there." he said, making me glare and frown at the same time. _"Go."_

I shot him a hateful look, but listened anyway. I sat down by the window, putting my legs inside first, then I swiftly jumped down. My feet hit the ground and I looked up. Cato was much bigger than me, but somehow he finally managed to slide through. He closed the window behind him quietly, just to make it seem like nobody could be hiding in here, then grabbed my arm again and pulled me as far away from it as he could. I guess he knew things would get ugly and that I'd have no problem screaming my ass off.

"What the _hell_ are you doing outside?" he asked me and I laughed coldly, looking at him in disbelief. _He couldn't be for real._

"The bus that I was on broke down. Any idea _why?"_ I asked, my voice dripping with irony. _"Somebody_ had cut the wires."

At once, Cato let go of my arm and took a step back, his eyes filled with horror. "Clove... I _swear_ I didn't do it-"

"But it was **your** idea, wasn't it?" I snapped, tears rolling down my cheeks. " _Wasn't it_?"

He didn't respond and he didn't have to. I knew I was right and it made me sick. "How many more cars and buses have you sabotaged?" I hissed, clenching my fists tight. "How many more innocent people are now stranded in the streets because of _you?"_

Cato looked at me, his bloodshot eyes full of regret, his face turning whiter by the minute. "Clove-"

" _How many!_?" I cried out, unable to help myself. Immediately, I covered my mouth with a shaking hand, muffling all the sobs that were trying to slip through my lips. He just stood there, his eyes now plastered to the floor, as I watched him with a truly broken heart. I reached up to shakily run my fingers through my hair. I had no clue what to do. My entire body was hurting and I couldn't take the pressure on my chest anymore. I finally let out a cry.

Cato glanced up and I was shocked to actually see tears in his eyes, as well. It was the second time ever that he had let me see him like that. And if that was even possible, it made me feel even more terrified.

 _"Forgive me, Clove_." he said in such a weak and pained voice that it made me want to hug him. But I stayed put. "I _never_ meant for you to end up like this. This has been my greatest fear ever since I met you."

I swallowed hard, squeezing out more hot tears that marked my cold cheeks, making my skin burn. _"Why_ were you with those guys?"

He let out a deep breath and turned away from me, as if too ashamed to look me in the eye while explaining. "Money, Clove. Nothing more. It had _nothing_ to do with you or the rest-"

" _That's it_?" I gasped, wincing as if his words physically hurt me. _"That's_ why you were willing to literally sell innocent, poor people to those you hate so much? All those years you tried everything to stand up to the system, show them that money _doesn't_ make them untouchable. That money shouldn't decide who gets to live and who dies. And what, now you've decided to do the exact opposite-"

" _I did it for Rue!_ "

My breath was taken away so suddenly it felt as if somebody had hit me on the chest. Cato turned back around to face me and I just stood there, gaping at him in absolute terror because everything started making sense now. Rue's innocent face crossed my mind and I found myself trying to remember how to breathe.

And as I looked at all the pain that Cato's eyes were filled with, I pieced everything together, making my whole body go cold.

 _I couldn't breathe._

* * *

 _April 12, 2021_

 _3:15 p.m._

"So where are we going?" I asked, shooting Cato a glance as we walked side by side, ignoring people's stares. I knew that what happened it the cafeteria was going to haunt us for a good few weeks, but I really didn't care. Everything about Cato seemed so natural. There was no awkwardness whatsoever between us when I saw him waiting for me outside of the classroom after my classes. He had simply smiled at me and asked did I want to take a walk with him. And so here we were, walking outside of the school together and heading down the street.

"I need to pick someone up." he told me with a smile. "You up for that?"

"Sure." I said, returning his smile and following him to the nearest bus stop. I could only hope we weren't going to pick up some female friend of his. Cause that would definitely ruin the mood for me.

The bus came faster than expected and so we both got on and took seats in the back. During the time we spent on the road, I laughed so much at all the things Cato was saying that my stomach started to hurt. Other people began throwing us dirty looks from the front, but we were so good at tuning everything out, that we barely even noticed.

At last, we made it wherever Cato was taking me. We got off the bus and I just followed him, quickly realizing he was headed in the direction of a school. When we stopped before the front door, I opened my mouth to ask him who we were waiting for, but I didn't get that chance.

 _"Cato!"_

We both turned around and I was shocked to discover who had called his name. A tiny girl with beautiful, brown eyes, shiny curls and olive skin stood in front of us with a sweet smile on her innocent face.

"Hey there, baby girl." Cato greeted her and I couldn't help but notice how much softer his voice sounded all of a sudden. "Feeling okay?" he asked, ruffling her hair with a smile.

"I'm good." she said, her face lightning up even more when she looked at me. " _No way._ Are you Clove?"

I parted my lips in surprise, feeling rather speechless. I glanced at Cato, then back at the girl and nodded. "Yeah, that'd be me. What's _your_ name?"

"I'm Rue." she sang, waving at a group of kids that just passed us by. "Cato, can I go say bye to Millie before we go to the doctor? Please?"

"Sure, kid. But make it quick." he told her, making her break into a grin before she ran off. I watched her go before turning my face to Cato again, eyebrows raised and all. "She's sick." he explained. I figured _that_ much. That's not what I was so eager to find out. I was about to open my mouth to ask him about a dozen questions, when his next words shocked me to the core. " _She was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia."_

My eyes went wide and I looked over my shoulder at Rue who was busy happily chatting with her friend, looking anything but ill. "I'm so sorry to hear that." I told him, sincerely. _"But wh-"_

"She's my sister." Cato said before I had the chance to ask him that question. "We're both foster kids."

I didn't know what to say. In that precise moment, I found it very hard to understand why Cato had picked this specific day to share and introduce me to one of his secrets. I knew he had noticed how deeply confused I was, but it didn't seem like he was about to explain his actions. And so I decided to ask him myself;

"Why did you bring me here?"

As soon as I said that, I realized how insensitive that question might have sounded, given the fact he had just taken a big step forward to letting me in. I bit my bottom lip and anxiously waited for his reaction that I wasn't able to predict.

 _But all he did was smile_. "I just wanted you to meet her. She's the coolest kid."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you tons for reviewing _Somebody knows_ and _Guest._ I only updated so fast thanks to you both! Hope you enjoyed. :)


	5. Promise

_"Silence so mighty you go deaf.._

 _Bombs are going off inside your chest.."_

 _ **~ Mikky Ekko "Feels like the end"**_

* * *

 **Chapter 5: "Promise"**

 _March 21, 2023_

 _8:09 p.m._

 _"I did it for Rue!"_

His words were painfully echoing in my head over and over again, bringing more and more tears to my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to push them back. I stood there, paralyzed. The adrenaline had passed and an agonizing pain in my forearm suddenly hit me. I glanced down at my hand and learned it was red from blood. Cato followed my eyes and what he saw only added to his pain. He approached me slowly, then gently grabbed a hold of my arm. He rolled my sleeve up and winced at the deep cut that the glass had left in my skin. He reached inside his jacket and got a small bottle and a bandage roll from his pocket.

"Stay still." he whispered, letting go of me so he could open the bottle. He then gently placed his hand back on my arm, just above the cut, and poured some of the liquid on the wound. I hissed at the burning pain and involuntarily tried to jerk my arm away, but he held on tight. He then tore a piece off the gauze and used it to clean the blood off first before dressing my wound, rolling the bandage around my arm and tying a knot when he was done.

I expected him to just let go of me and walk away to try and get back outside, but he stayed puy. Still holding onto my arm and with his eyes on it, he rasped: "Her disease began progressing a few months ago." I felt a sharp pain in my chest when he said that, trying not to think of the little girl's happy face that I remembered oh so well. I glanced up in his aching eyes, but he refused to look at me. "I started taking extra shifts and worked every day after school and all day on the weekends, but that wasn't nearly enough. Insurance could only pay for so much. And my foster parents contributed less than even I had expected into her treatment." he explained, and to my horror his voice sounded as though at the verge of breaking. _"I had no choice, Clove."_

"Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?" I asked him softly. "I could have helped you-"

"Why?" he almost barked, his head shooting up. " _Why_?"

"Cato-" I started in a begging tone, but he wasn't having any of it.

"You left me, Clove." he hissed reproachfully, glaring at me. "You **left** me. I lost _way_ more than any of you that night and _you_ made it about **us**."

"I was in _shock,_ okay?" I hastily whispered, sending him a tearful look, desparete to make him understand. "I was _hurt-"_

 _"YOU_ were hurt!?" he actually shouted out, apparently losing it. I flinched and took a step back. _"Did you not think_ _ **I**_ _was hurt, too!_?"

It was funny how the two of us seemed to always do things in the most inappropriate places. We had a truly great timing. I couldn't remember the last time Cato had yelled at me the way he just did. When I thought about it, he actually might have never done that before. But if Cato and I were to start a shouting match, we sure would pick the one night in a year where anyone could hear us and come with an intention to kill.

As much as I wished that was not the case, I knew Cato was right. I had abandonded him when he needed me the most. I guess I was too wrapped up in my own pain. Too selfish. Too scared. I was holding too much of a grudge _. I was **wrong.**_

* * *

 _April 12, 2021_

 _4:02 p.m._

We arrived at the hospital with Rue and I was not at all surprised, seeing just how many people there were in the hallways and in every single room we walked by. It's been only around three weeks since last Purge; I knew there were still hundreds of people in need of intense care.

"Clove, would you mind waiting here with Rue? I gotta go find her doctor." Cato asked hopefully. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rue perking up.

"Sure, no problem." I said, smiling.

"It won't last long." he promised. "Thank you."

With that he walked away toward the front desk, trying to get somebody's attention; from where I was standing, it looked like every single nurse and doctor were completely occupied. I looked down at Rue who seemed to have been watching me for a while with the biggest smile on her face.

"You're so pretty." she said to me out of the blue and I couldn't help but look taken aback.

"Um, thank you..." I responded, smiling back at her. "That's sweet of you to say."

"Cato's been talking about you for weeks now, you know. But _don't_ tell him I said that."

I laughed despite her surprising confession. "I won't. I _promise."_

"He tells me everything." she told me, sounding very proud. "I think he _really_ likes you."

The big smile on my face faded slightly as I stood there, looking at her innocent, young face and how thrilled she seemed about meeting her big brother's friend.

How easy is it to misjudge a person? There she was, so healthy-looking, so fresh and happy, seemingly worry-free. But on the inside she was a little soldier, fighting to stay alive. And then there was Cato; the big, bad Cato who was on the one hand over-confident, sarcastic and arrogant. On the other, he was a loving brother to this little girl who wasn't even his family biogically.

 _"Our appointment been rescheduled._."

I managed to snap myself out of all those thoughts when I heard Cato's groan, as he approached us with those unfortunate news. "How come?"

"The entire staff will be fully booked for the rest of the week at least. Too many patients." he explained to us, sounding really pissed and hell, I couldn't blame him. " _Motherfucking Purge._ " he murmured under his breath before realizing his words still reached Rue's ears. "Sorry, baby girl." he apologized, casting a smile her way. "Come on, let's get you home."

"But I want to come with _you!"_ Rue protested. "Can I come stay with you today, please?" she whined and Cato ruffled her hair playfully, catching the smile that formed on my lips at her request.

"Oh don't be wailing, kiddo. I'll have you all weekend next month, remember?" he reminded her but she still pouted.

"That's so long away!"

"Well look at it this way; now you have something great to look forward to!" he told her, before purposely locking eyes with me; the intensity of his gaze effectively making me blush. Because I knew that his words had been directed at more than one person.

* * *

 _April 12, 2021_

 _4:46 p.m._

I had been waiting for Cato outside of his foster family's apartment building for maybe five minutes before he came back out. I'd expected for his mood to turn all gloomy, after Rue's doctor appointment had been rescheduled. But he just grinned at me.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously when he walked past the bus stop.

"My buddy's gonna lend me his car." he told me, casting a smile at me over his shoulder. "We gotta make up for that short swim we took last time before we were interrupted."

I felt my insides twist when he brought that up; for the first time since it happened. I shook it off, though and smiled back at him, quickly realizing that I really liked his idea.

And so almost an hour later we were already strolling down the beach, barefeet, enjoying the breeze and bathing in the sun. We walked in a very comfortable silence for a while, just letting the waves brush our feet, before Cato spoke:

"I think Rue really likes you." he said, glancing at me with a pleased look on his face. "She kept asking when she's gonna see you again."

"Really?" I chuckled. "She's a sweet kid."

"Yeah," he agreed, his eyes lightening up. "she really is."

People sometimes say that there is always more to a person than the eye can see. In Cato's case, that couldn't be more true. If you don't know him, he might come off as arrogant and cocky. And if that wasn't enough, he's really well built and good looking. I used to think that people like him could never treat another person the way that he has been treating me. Had I not gotten the chance to know him, I'd have thought he was just yet another brainless jock with five girlfriends and a rich daddy. I knew that it was wrong to judge people like that; but my assesments had turned out to be correct so many times in my life before that I could no longer help it.

"What are you thinking about?"

I shook my head at the sound of his voice and realized I must have switched off for a good few minutes. "Nothing, really." I said, clasping my hands together in front of me and hoping he wouldn't see through my little lie.

"Well, I'm thinking about something." Cato told me with a suspicious smirk. I glanced at him and raised my eyebrows.

"What?"

"I'm thinking if you can tell me just how warm the water is!" he exclaimed and next thing I knew I was wet from head to toe after he had splashed me multiple times, laughing at the look on my face.

"Oh no you _didn't!"_ I screamed and pushed him hard enough to make him stumble backwards and fall. I burst out laughing and began running away, knowing that his revenge would be _cold._

Time didn't matter. Literally. Before long, the sun was setting and my clothes were still slightly damp from our water fight but I didn't care. We were sitting on the sand, watching the waves and chatting about everything and nothing. It almost felt as if we've known each other forever. I didn't have to go through my mind in a desperate search of a subject. The dialogue between us just kept flowing. I realized I had never felt this comfortable before with anyone but Gale.

"I have a confession." Cato said suddenly, cutting our previous subject short.

"Really?" I asked curiously. "Why I'm listening."

"You asked me before what did I come to you for." he murmured, making me frown. Cato _never_ murmured. "You wanted to know why did I ask you to join us."

"Yeah." I whispered with a slow nod.

"Clove, I do believe that you have what it takes to be a part of our team. I do believe that you're a fighter. You're super smart and clever and you're a good person, proud to stand up for what you believe in." he said, making me smile hard. "But that's not why I came up to you that day."

"Was it because I cussed Marvel out?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and he laughed.

"No, not at all. Though I gotta admit that that was something."

I grinned and looked away from him and back to the waves, just waiting for him to carry on whenever he was ready. It took him another minute but at last, his voice rang out in my ears again:

"I guess I was looking for a good enough reason to spend some time with you."

As soon as he said that, I turned my head so fast that it actually hurt my neck. I ignored it and instead, stared at him with my eyes slightly widened. I did not see that coming. He gave me another minute to digest that information before he got up the guts to look me in the eyes. At that point I was wearing a slowly growing smile on my face that quickly broke into a full on grin when I realized something;

"Wait," I said, holding my hand up. "are you actually telling me that your idea of trying to get to know a girl you like," I paused there to gather my thoughts. "is to ask her to go out purging with you?"

Cato wrinkled his nose, making himself look like he's just been caught doing something embarassing. He then awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and gave me a half-nod combined with a half-shrug. "It worked, though. _Didn't it?"_

I couldn't help the amused laugh that escaped me and was shocked to see a ghost of a blush cross his features. "I've never been that great in this department." Cato confessed, looking away so that I was now staring at the back of his head. I couldn't believe what just happened. Feeling both, taken aback and pleased, I decided that the next thing I'd say was going to make up for the fact that I'd just laughed him up.

"I think you're doing _just fine."_

As I expected, that made him recover quite fast. He looked at me again with a semi-satisfied smile on his lips, making me beam. I couldn't remember the last time I smiled so many times within such a short period of time.

Cato stared at me for what seemed like a very long minute before saying the last thing I'd expect to come out of his mouth in such a sweet and genuine way:

 _"God, you're beautiful."_

As my face decided to go and resemble the color of a dark red rose, I couldn't help but wonder; had he said that to somebody before me? Has he ever let someone in before? Has he ever brought anyone with him to meet Rue?

All of those questions were going to be left unanswered and even if I had an intention to ask him about any of those things, he wasn't about to give me the chance.

For the second time that day, he went ahead and took matters into his own hands. And I was glad he did because it was difficult for me to even breathe normally at this point, let alone initiate a make-out session first. If somebody had told me a few months back that one day I'd end up on a beach with Cato complimenting and kissing me, I'd have laughed them up so hard I'd possibly get bitch slapped.

And yet, here I was.

Here **we** were.

As hard as I tried to keep that blissful moment going, I couldn't help but have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to happen. Because my life couldn't have just turned so wonderful, could it?

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _8:12 p.m._

I knew that as soon as he raised his voice at me, our discussion was over. This was not the right time or place for any of this, to begin with. But I felt as if so much had piled up inside of me that all I could do was shout it out because it seemed like I just was not able to keep this all in. And yet, I still kept my mouth shut long enough for Cato to speak again:

"Let's go." he said in a voice so freezing that it literally made me shiver. He went over to the window and waited for me to move. But I couldn't; I was paralyzed. "Clove, _come on_."

Tears filled my eyes again and I suddenly felt so pathetic; like the person I was before I met him. The girl I was before my first Purge; helpless and bitter. The girl I _hated._

But I sucked it up. For Cato's sake more than my own, because he was in enough pain as it was and I did not have any intentions to make it worse. I knew how he couldn't stand to see me cry and this was not the right time for any of that anyway. There was no room for soft and weak. Not if I wanted to survive. And so with a sniff and a wipe of my mouth, I made my way to the window and allowed Cato to help me up. I crawled back out on the street, looking around frantically to make sure it was safe and then looked over my shoulder at Cato and nodded. He swiftly jumped up and began making his way out of the window and I grabbed onto his arm, assisting him although I knew there was no need for my help. After we were both back on our feet, Cato retrieved a machete that I hadn't even realized he had until now. I glanced down to it and then back at his face and saw how determined and vicious his eyes were. There was no crossing him.

"Stay behind me," he told me in a warning tone, holding something out to me. I looked down and saw a long and sharp knife in his hand. But it wasn't just any other knife. It was _my_ knife. The knife that I had picked out of a whole bunch of weapons before that very first time I went purging with him. I looked up at Cato, pure shock filling my bloodshot eyes. I took it from him with a shaking hand and his face somewhat softened. "did you hear me? I need you to stay behind me. Do not get ahead of me no matter what. _Do you hear me, Clove?_ "

I nodded, squeezing the handle of my knife and feeling my stomach twirl unpleasantly.

"With a little bit of luck I'm gonna get you home safely. But you have to promise me that you are going to listen to me, ok?" Cato whispered, placing his hand on the side of my head. "If I tell you to hide, you hide. If I tell you to run, you run _for your life_. And if I tell you to leave me behind, _you do that_ without any hesitation. Do you understand me?"

I shook my head, tears filling my eyes all over. "I will **never-"**

"Clove, _listen to me!"_ he barked at me as quietly as he could. "I'm gonna be _fine._ The one thing that could get me killed is trying to make sure you're alright while we're under attack. So if I tell you to go, you're gonna **go.** Do you understand me?"

I opened my mouth to try and protest again, although deep inside I knew he was right. I knew how strong of a soldier he was. How well trained he was. How big of a chance he had to survive. Me? Not so much.

He silenced me with a kiss and I whimpered out of surprise. I hadn't been this close with him for months now. I'd have never thought that I'd ever get the chance to have his lips on mine ever again. Things had simply turned to shit.. and I was partly responsible. I could only wish this was happening under way different circumstances.

Cato's lips left mine faster than I'd hoped, but I knew there was no time. We could't afford being careless. "We're gonna make it through the night," he vowed, his thumb rubbing my cheek. A gesture so soft and sweet and yet so rare for him. " **if** you do as I ask."

His eyes begged me to comply and I was stuck between common sense and the strong feelings that I had for him. After all this time and after everything that we've been through, I still cared so unbelievably much that the thought alone of leaving him behind was unbearable.

 _"Please."_ Cato whispered and I reached my hand up and placed it over his.

"Okay." I choked out, barely above a whisper.

 _"Say 'I promise'."_

I didn't want to. I really didn't. But then I thought of Jakie and his innocent face marked by numerous tears because his big sister hadn't made it home like she'd _promised_ she would. I thought of my mom panicking and popping prescription pills out of worry for me and I realized that I couldn't afford not making it back home. If I died, my mom would completely lose it and they would take Jakie. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't.

"I promise." I said with a stern face, looking into Cato's blue, soft eyes. He let out a quick sigh of relief and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you." he whispered, pulling away from me. "We'll be okay." he assured me again, his eyes glistening in the darkness, as he raised his machete. "Follow me. Knife at the ready, okay?"

I nodded shakily, but as soon as I reminded myself of the cold and sharp blade that I was now armed with, my breathing went back to normal and my heart began slowing down. I was not going to be this pathetic girl anymore. I was **not** going down tonight. I washook going to fight my ass off to make it back home to my family.

* * *

 _8:45 p.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:10:14:57_

Now for the first time I understood how beneficial and important the training I'd gone through with Cato was. Thanks to which he and I automatically had a way better chance of surviving that hell of a night. Had I not been trained, I would have slowed us down and I would have actually put us in a even bigger danger, if that was even possible. Cato didn't have to tell me how to behave, how fast to run or when it was okay to cross a street. He didn't have to tell me any of that because he had taught me well. And I was way too determined and pissed to be scared. There was no room for fear anymore. Nor was there any room for mistakes.

 _"Stop, stop!"_ Cato whisper-yelled at me all of a sudden, keeping me back behind him with his arm. He put the machete back behind the belt of his pants where it was secure, then retrieved a gun instead. He peeked his head from behind the building wall and I did the same, my promise already long forgotten. I only managed to see Cato's former partners in crime, putting more screaming people in the back of their truck before he roughly grabbed onto my arm and pulled me back. "Clove, fucking stay **behind** me, I said."

I risked a glare at him but his own was much more powerful so I decided to let him win. "They'll be occupying this part of the city now." Cato told me and I _hated_ the fact that I knew how he knew that. "Shit, we'll have to go all the way around-"

"Johanna's place is a few blocks away!" I suddenly remembered, my eyes widening. "Think we could try-"

"Fuck yeah we're gonna try." Cato cut me off. "If there's one person in this city that's gonna let us in their house, it's _her."_ he stated, loading his gun and checking the street again. "Okay, come on!"

We took off running again, taking a route different from the one Cato claimed his former group was going to head down. Staying alert every second of every passing minute, we crossed streets and ran down alleys, our weapons at the ready at all times. Before long, we stormed out into the street where I remembered Johanna's building was. And yet again that night my arm was unexpectadly grasped by Cato's strong hand before he pulled me back. _"Wait!"_

My mouth opened in a breathless gasp when I saw what made Cato stop me. A big truck stood right by Johanna's building, surrounded by a few men, all dressed in black uniforms with gas masks covering their faces.

"What the fuck is that?" I whispered, feeling Cato squeeze my arm lightly. The men we were watching weren't doing anything until the door to their left got kicked open and two more people came out.

"Get your hands **off** of me!" a young, brown-haired girl screamed, struggling to the fullest to try and get herself free from the tight grip the man behind her had her in. "Get off of me!"

 _"Shit."_ Cato swore and I saw a dangerous spark shimmering in his eyes. Because we both knew that girl very well.

Johanna.

As if the entire situation wasn't bad enough, another soldier marched out of the bulding, roughly pushing a young guy in front of him.

All blood drained from my face. I turned to Cato and learned his eyes had already been watching me. With a voice full of terror, I only managed to whisper one word:

 _"Gale."_

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so very much for reading and please review if you want me to continue! I hope you liked it. :)


	6. Forefeit

_"What happened to us?_

 _I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here._

 _I miss who I used to be._

 _I wanna have a home again. And real friends._

 _You know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that._

 _And I miss you.."_

 **Peyton Sawyer 'One Tree Hill'**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: "Forefeit"**

 _April 10, 2021_

 _11:24 a.m._

"You look like crap."

I didn't really have too much to say about that. I was certain that I didn't look my best. But hearing Gale point that out was particularly unpleasant.

"Thanks, it's lovely to see you, too." I replied, sending him a pretend sweet smile and taking a seat by the kitchen table.

"You sound like crap, too." He added just for good measure, handing me a cup of coffee that I'd asked for. "I guess it's safe to assume that you had a blast at Cato's party."

"It was alright." I said, shrugging, deciding not to mention the fact that I had blacked out and couldn't actually tell him how much fun it was. "I stayed up late so I don't exactly feel too great."

Gale sat down in the chair in front of me and gave me _the look._ The look he liked giving me whenever I'd try to lie to him. "What?" I asked innocently, taking a sip of the coffee.

"Am I still your best friend?"

I froze with the cup halfway to my mouth and looked up at him; he had this tiredness and resignation in his eyes and it scared me. I didn't understand why he felt it was necessary to ask me such a question.

" _Of course_ you are, Gale." I whispered, putting my coffee down. "Why would you even ask me that?"

"Because it seems to me like you've long forgotten that as your best friend who's known you for _years,_ I can tell when you're tired and I can _also_ tell when you're just plain hungover."

Blood drained from my already pale face and I looked down, deciding it was a good time to admire the color of my coffee. I could tell Gale was watching me carefully, probably curious as to how I was going to react. I didn't know how to react, though. I didn't know what to say. I knew that from his point of view I'd become a totally different girl within the past couple of weeks. I mean, I could see it myself. But until this moment, I was certain that I liked that change. That I liked who I had become. But feeling his disappointed eyes on me, I wasn't so sure anymore if I was happy to be who I had turned into. Friendship with Gale always meant a whole lot to me; it felt horrible to see him stare at me like I was just a stranger. "I guess I let myself get carried away." I whispered, sounding like a kid justifying his actions to a parent.

"Yeah, I guess you did." Gale said, getting up. "Look, Clove. You should just go home and sleep it off. We can hang out some other time; it's fine."

 _"No."_ I protested at once, also rising from my chair. "I'm here. And I feel fine, _really."_

Gale said nothing. He walked away and grabbed a water bottle from the counter, his back turned on me. I just stood there, feeling helpless as if I were about to hear some sort of a virdict.

 _"I miss you."_

His pained voice echoed in my ears and I clenched my fists, as nausea tried to overcome me.

"I'm here." I whispered, taking a few steps toward him.

"Are you?" he murmured, looking at me over his shoulder. I didn't like whatever his eyes were filled with; I wasn't sure if it was doubt or disappointment. But whatever it was, it made me feel even sicker.

"Gale, you gotta give me a chance to make it up to you, okay?" I asked, hoping that all the emotions I felt in that moment were very much hearable in my voice. He turned around and looked at me with sadness crossing his features. "Wanna go to our favourite Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet? My treat." I offered him a small smile, hoping I still was capable of cheering him up. And that he wasn't _that_ mad. "And I promise I'll let you give it to me and I won't argue. You can just let it all out. I'll take it."

Gale stared me for a minute with furrowed eyebrows before breaking into the slightest smile I've ever seen him give me. But I supposed that was good enough, given the situation. "Fine." he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Although all-you-can-eat buffet might not be a good idea."

"How come?"

"You look about ready to puke." he smirked at me in what was supposed to be a mischevious way. But this was Gale we were talking about; he didn't do mischevious. Like _ever._

"Okay, fair enough." I said with a laugh. "You can pick then."

And so he did. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out like we always used to on the weekends. We ate at some cheap restaurant and the food sucked but we made the best of it, arguing whose dish was less fresh. We walked around, went to visit his cousins and took a long bus ride around the city during which Gale finally decided to talk to me. I can honestly say that I didn't know about half the things he had told me and it really made me worry that I had been neglecting our friendship more than I'd originally thought. It scared me. But after he was done, the tension between us was gone and there was no more hard feelings. He let it all out and I listened, not once did I try arguing. There was nothing for me to argue over to begin with; he was completely right about everything. And who was I to argue whether it was appropriate for him to feel a certain way because of my behavior? If my best friend was upset then it was my job to make it better. And I was planning on doing just that. And let me just say that I was doing just fine until we went back to school on Monday and Cato decided to go and kiss me in front of everyone in the cafeteria.

And after that took place, things went downhill faster than that first time. At first I still tried to go back to how he and I used to be before Cato showed up. But I quickly realized that there was no point; because Gale made it very clear that he wasn't going to try and tolerate the other guy. He made it crystal clear that he was basically asking me to _choose._ And I felt so hurt. Why would he not try and be happy for me? He was my best friend. Best friends are supposed to be happy when good things happen to you, aren't they?

For me Cato was the best thing that's ever happened in my life. For Gale... he was the worst.

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _9:02 p.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:09:57:24_

 _"Gale."_

Cold blood pulsated in my veins, making it hard for me to stop the shaking of my entire body. It couldn't be. _Not Gale._ What was he even doing out here?

"Oh my _God."_ I gasped and before I knew what I was doing, I lunged forward in a desperate attempt to reach my best friend. I knew I had to get to him. I needed to help him. He could **not** die. I couldn't let that happen.

But Cato's strong hands pulled me back as I'd expected. I began struggling furiously, using all my power to make him let me go. I was not about to just stand by and let those people, whoever they were, kill my friends. Cato held on tight and once again that night he pinned me against the nearest wall, covering my mouth with his hand to muffle my sobs. _"Shh!"_ he tried soothing me, gazing deep into my tear-filled eyes.

"Let go!" my muffled, almost incomprehensible cry rang out in the air as I still tried to fight him off.

"What are you gonna do, stab them all with that knife of yours!?" Cato whisper-yelled at me.

"LET _GO."_ I tried screaming again but to no avail; I knew he wouldn't comply.

" _Calm down_." he told me, his voice contained and soft, his eyes burning into mine. _"Breathe."_

I let out another cry, deciding that I had no choice. I needed to get it together. I remembered Cato teaching me how to react while in a stressful or life-threatening situation. He'd told me that there was _nothing_ worse than panic. There was nothing worse than losing control over your mind and body.

"It's going to be okay." Cato carried on, still holding onto me tightly. "I got this, okay? _Breathe,_ Clove. _I got this_."

I took a few deep breaths through my nose, since he had his hand closed around my mouth. I felt oxygen make its way into my lungs; my heart began slowing down and my hands stopped shaking as much. Having noticed that, Cato finally released me from his tight grip and let me push myself off the wall.

"I need you to stay here."

 _"But-"_

"You **promised**." Cato reminded me, his voice no longer soft. I cussed under my breath, choking my tears back.

"Okay." I said hurriedly, hearing Gale and Johanna's screams echoing in the street. _"Okay, I'll stay here."_

Cato nodded and putting his gun in front of him, he disappeared into the darkness. He was good. I knew he was. Well trained, great with guns, super fast and strong. But there were at least four of those guys standing by the truck and they looked like they were just as well trained and strong as Cato. I could tell they were professional soldiers. With that thought clouding my mind, fear attempted to consume me once more. And I found it super hard not to give in while I was watching Gale and Johanna struggle for their lives. Cato was still nowhere to be seen.

"Get your hands off of her!" Gale roared at the guy holding Jo but he didn't pay him any mind. Having his arm wrapped around her neck from behind, he took a step forward and slapped the back door of the truck.

 _"We got two for your personal purge!"_

I squeezed the handle of my knife when I heard the man say that, rage quickly building up inside of me. There was no way that my friends were going to be someone's _personal purge_. Whoever they were.. _they could go and fuck themselves._

Hate and disgust took over me. I no longer felt like the same person. I wasn't the Clove I had become after my first Purge. Nor was I that Clove I had turned into after last year's Purge. I was furious.

 _Good luck to anyone who would want to cross me right now._

Just as I decided to take a few steps forward, I saw Cato coming up behind two soldiers that stood on the side of the truck, talking about something I couldn't care less about. Gale and Johanna's screams were enough to drown any noise that Cato was about to cause and he used that to his advantage.

When the back door of the truck began sliding open, I saw Cato kick one of the men hard in the middle of his back, making him fall down on his face right away. Before his companion could even analyze what had just happened, Cato's hands had already removed his gas mask and were now wrapped around his neck. I wasn't close enough to actually hear the crack of his spine but I saw him fall limply to the ground while the guy that Cato had kicked was now trying to get up. Cato was fast to stop him. I turned my eyes away when I saw him reach for his machete and I sure knew what he was about to do.

I didn't allow myself to cringe, though; Clove from a couple of minutes ago possibly would have. _But not me._

A moment later, I looked to where I last saw Cato only to realize he was gone. Gale and Johanna continued to scream at the top of their lungs, struggling and cussing. The back door was now all the way up and I saw another man inside the truck. He was wearing a white cap, glasses and an apron that made him look like a fucking butcher.

With every intention to make those people hurt, I began heading their way. Gale and Johanna were both pushed down to their knees. I was halfway there when all of a sudden there were multiple shots. I stopped abruptly and saw Cato coming from around the other side of the truck with a gun at the ready. The two man who were holding my friends were now both on the ground. I saw Gale's attempt to cover Johanna, as he apparently had yet to realize what was going on and who was the one doing the shooting. Only after Cato came into the picture, did he relax and let Johanna lift her head. Cato jumped in front of them and shot one more time, getting the butcher guy in the face. He dropped down to the floor inside the truck. Cato did not lower his gun; he looked around frantically, ready to take down anybody in sight. After a few moments, he put his gun down and looked at the couple on the ground.

 _"You guys okay?"_

Gale and Johanna didn't get the chance to respond because one of the guys that Cato had shot seconds before was getting back on his feet. "Cato, look _out!"_ Jo screamed and he turned around just in time to see the man gasp breathlessly when a 15 inch long knife hit him in the neck. Cato's eyes widened and all three of them turned in my direction.

I stood there with my heart beating faster than ever before and my shaking hand still in the air in front of me.

* * *

 _May 21, 2021_

 _12:21 p.m._

I looked down at my watch as I waited in the hallway. Usually by now I was already in line for lunch. But Gale was still nowhere to be seen. Frowning, I decided to check the cafeteria and see if maybe he was there.

Minutes later I was already walking between the tables and looking around in search of Gale. My stomach rambled loudly and I placed my hand just beneath my ribs, swallowing hard.

"Hey, feisty!" Cato's voice reached my ears and I turned around and smiled when I saw him making his way toward me. "Where's your lunch?"

"I was about to go get it." I lied and I really didn't know what for.

"Want to share mine?" he asked, presenting his lunch tray to me. I looked down and rose my eyebrows; there was sure way more on that tray than he could possibly eat. "Look, I have yogurt; _your favorite kind."_

I looked up at him again and seeing his joy-filled eyes, I slowly broke into a warm smile. "Thanks, Cato."

"No problem." he said, smiling back. "So come on, let's go sit down."

"I was actually looking for Gale. Have you seen him?" I asked, honestly hoping that that question wouldn't ruin his mood. Those two really needed to start getting along because I was getting tired of this.

To my surprise Cato didn't look the slightest bit bothered; he simply looked around and then nodded somewhere to my left. "There."

I turned my head and saw Gale at a table with Johanna, already eating away. I felt an unpleasant feeling making my chest tighten as I watched them chat and laugh as if they did that every day. Sensing Cato's eyes on me, I turned to look at him; he stared at me curiously as if expecting me to react in a certain way. "You alright, little girl?"

I didn't know if I was okay. I didn't know what to feel. It was almost like a ritual for me and Gale to always accompany each other to the cafeteria and eat together. Today was the first time that he just went ahead and completely blew me off.

 _"Clove."_

I shook my head as an attempt to get back to reality and get rid of all those bitter thoughts that had gathered in my mind already. "Yeah." I said, sounding very absent.

"You can go sit with them if you like, it's okay." he assured me. "You go ahead and enjoy yourself while I'll be enjoying your _favorite_ strawberry yogurt."

I laughed despite how sad I felt. That's what I really liked about him; he had this amazing ability to make me laugh no matter how crappy I felt. Not even Gale could do that.

"You're not playing fair, Cato." I said with a smirk. He picked up the yogurt and teased me, waving it in front of my face. I rolled my eyes and snatched it from him. He grinned and pointed at an empty table in the corner, inviting me to go sit there with him. I bit my bottom lip and twirling the yogurt in my hands, I glanced at Gale one last time before following Cato.

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _9:05 p.m._

My hand could still feel the handle of my knife that I had just sent flying and that had just dug itself deep inside the soldier's neck. Everyone's eyes were now on me. Gale and Johanna were still on their knees and Cato stood beside them with his gun pointed somewhere to my left. Adrenaline was pulsating furiously in my veins and all I could hear was white noise. I dropped my arm to my side and stood up straight, watching Cato approach me; his lips were saying something but I couldn't hear a word. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heart down. I felt his hands grabbing my shoulders and giving me a gentle shake. My eyes snapped open and as soon as they did, I saw Cato frown. And I knew what had thrown him off. I knew he could see that all the softness my eyes used to have to them was now gone.

"I told you to stay in cover." I heard Cato's voice at last, sounding as if he stood a mile from me.

" _You're welcome_." I snapped, following that with a shake of my head to get rid of the buzzing that it was filled with. I went around him and took several steps toward Gale and Johanna who were not both back on their feet. "Are you alright?" I asked, my eyes jumping from Jo to Gale and softening instantly. "Are you hurt?"

Gale's face had shock written on every inch of it. He opened his mouth to respond but he never got the chance, as sounds of approaching motorcycles interrupted his intent.

"Shit." Cato cussed behind me. "We gotta get. Come on!" he told us, quickly grabbing a machine gun that was on the ground next to the man I had killed. Without closing my eyes, I got my knife out of the guy's neck, cringing at the sound it made and followed Cato along with the others.

We ran non stop for at least ten minutes, until we noticed Subway entrance across the street. We stopped next to each other, pressing our backs to the wall of the building beside us. Cato was first, next was Jo, Gale and myself. From our hiding place, we heard sounds of fighting coming from the street next to us. As Cato carefully peeked his head from behind the wall to check everything out, I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one had followed us into the dark alley. And then out of the blue I felt something crawl up my leg. Startled, I glanced down and gasped; it was a rat. I desperately shook my leg to try and get him off and by an accident I knocked over an empty pail. It rolled over a couple of times, hitting some cans and bottles on its way and making a lot of very undesirable noise.

All three of them looked at me with wide eyes and I slapped my hand across my mouth, horror filling my own. Cato's chest began moving faster as he handed the machine gun he had on him to Johanna, then put his finger on his lips, signaling for us to stay as quiet and still as we can. He then moved slightly closer to the corner of the wall and waited. My heart began pounding all over again because I knew that at least one of the people who were out in the street had definitely heard the noise I had made.

And I was not wrong. Before any of us had a chance to take a breath, a man jumped Cato from around the corner, craziness in his eyes. But Cato was too fast; he wrapped his arm around the attacker's neck and held on tight despite his wild attempts to get himself free. I stood there with my knife in the air in front of me, not very sure if in that very moment I'd even know what to do with it. Cato was not as big as the guy he had in a chokehold, but it quickly turned out that he was no competition for him. The man soon lost conciousness and Cato slowly lowered him to the ground as to not make any more unnecessary noise. He then grabbed the machine gun back from Johanna and motioned with his head for us to follow him. Silently I let out a deep breath, trying to recover from the situation I'd caused.

Gale grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me in front of him so that he'd be the last person in our chain. I sent him a small, thankful smile then followed Cato and Johanna across the street. There was so much going on, with all the people killing each other left and right and fire in between, that nobody even heard us run by from twenty feet away.

We made it to the Subway entrance and quickly ran down the stairs. Cato pulled out two flashlights and handed one of them to Johanna. Thanks to the small amount of light we were able to make it to the tracks without killing ourselves on the way. Cato was the first to jump down, he then held his arm out for Johanna who allowed him to assist her. Gale was the next to hop down.

"Come on." he said softly, offering me a hand. I threw a quick glance over my shoulder although I could barely see a thing, then approached the edge and let Gale wrap his arm around my thighs. I put my hand on his shoulder as he helped me down.

"From what this says, this tunnel is going to lead us to the outskirts of town where it should be safer." Cato told us, his voice echoing in the darkness.

"Why don't we just try going back to your place?" Jo asked him, frowning. "Or Clove's?"

Cato rose his eyebrows and looked at her with a face of a disappointed teacher when a student gives the wrongest answer possible. "Haven't you seen those guys who attacked your building?" he asked, his voice cold. "Do you really think that it was just a bunch of friends purging together? That was a professional unit of soldiers; very well prepped, very well equipped. From my experience, and I have got quite lots of it, there are more of them out there. And I can bet you _anything_ that they are now trying to hunt us down." he said, loading the machine gun so that it's ready to shoot, then handing it to Gale who took it from him hesitantly. "Do you really want to go back to my place and wait for them to come? Or mabe _you_ want to lead them right to your family, Clove?" he asked, now looking at me. I just stared right back at him without a word; he knew very well that that was not an option. "Okay then." he summed up, taking our silence as an answer he had expected. "You know how to shoot?" he then asked Gale.

"It's not rocket science." Gale snapped. "Just gotta pull the trigger."

Cato ignored the rude tone of his voice. "It's loaded now. Pull the trigger and hold; it's a full auto."

"Yeah, what are you doing outside anyway?" Gale demanded when Cato turned around and tried to walk away. "And what is Clove doing with you?"

I froze. I knew that what was about to go down was inevitable. Gale was not going to let this go or even wait until we're somewhere safe. I knew that much.

"Why don't you ask _her?_ I'm sure she can talk for herself." Cato said, his back turned on all three of us.

 **"You** are the one who talked her into going out to purge!" Gale half-yelled, taking a few quick steps forward and making Cato finally stop and turn back around.

"Do you have a problem?"

"Yes, I have a _problem!"_ Gale snapped, pushing him hard. "You're willing to risk her life for your own damn entertainment!"

"Listen to me." Cato whispered dangerously low. "I don't give one shit how much Clove cares about you. If you put your hands on me again, _I'm going to kill you_."

Gale seemed to be taken aback by his response because he just stood there, panting and enraged. I glanced at Johanna, who had a rather helpless look on her face, before getting between the two glaring guys.

 _"Stop it,"_ I said firmly, placing my hand on Cato's chest and pushing him slightly away. "this is not the right time for any of this."

"Why don't you say that to your _boyfriend?"_ Cato suggested, obviously aiming for hurting my feelings. "And while you're at it, don't forget to remind him who has just saved his sorry ass."

And with that he turned on his heels and walked away without any intention to wait for us. Biting my bottom lip, I ran a shaking hand through my hair as I fought the urge to just sit down and bawl. _How did we get here?_

"I'll talk to him." Johanna offered, handing me her flashlight. "try not to stay too far behind."

I nodded and let her run off. I knew that if there was anyone who could still reason with Cato, it was Johanna. She was the only one who had been trying to support him after last year's Purge. She was the only one who had not walked out on him like the rest of us. _Like_ _me._

"I'm sorry." I heard Gale whisper, making me look at him. "I kinda lost it."

"What were you doing at Johanna's?" I asked, ignoring his apology.

"What were you doing with Cato?" he fired back at me, his eyes hardening.

"The bus I was on broke down, Gale." I explained as I started to walk, knowing we had to catch up with the others as fast as we could. "Had it not been for him, I'd have been long dead." I confessed, sending him a glance to see his reaction.

"Had it not been for _him,_ you'd have not been outside one hour before commencement to begin with."

"What are you talking about?" I frowned.

"You wanted to check on his dumb ass so bad because you knew he wanted to purge again this year. You went there to stop him, didn't you?"

"Which is what I _told you_ I was going to do!"

"Yeah well it's still his fault you found yourself on that bus so late tonight."

"He never asked me to come!" I argued, trying to keep my voice down. "You wanna blame someone for this, blame **me**."

"Your mom called me shortly before 7, crying that you hadn't come home." Gale snapped at me, his voice bitter and accusing. "She was in over her head and begged me to call every single friend of yours. Johanna's place is halfway between your place and Cato's. I decided to go and check if something made you stop at her house. I went out there to _look for you,_ Clove."

"Well why would you do something so _stupid!?"_

"Because _I love you!"_

His voice echoed loudly between the walls of the tunnel and inside my head. I stood there, unmoving, with my heart halway up my throat because I could not have possibly heard him correctly. And yet something about the deeply hurt look in his eyes was telling me a different story.

It was not the right time or place for any of this. But here we were. Here I was, going through all the memories I'd gathered throughout the last two years and for once I was able to give them some sense. For once everything seemed to have finally fallen into its place. I now understood why Gale and I had fallen out before. And I also understood why we had made up. I no longer had to look for answers because just those three words from him were enough to explain every single thing I'd been driving myself nuts over for years.

How could I miss that? How could I not _see_ this?

How the hell could I be so remarkably _stupid?_

* * *

 _September 17, 2021_

 _3:35 p.m._

"Gale, wait up!" I yelled down the hall when I finally noticed him sandwitched between the crowd of people heading outside. I'm sure he'd heard me. But he didn't stop, nor did he even look over his shoulder. He just kept walking. He's been acting like this ever since we came back to school and by now I was fuming. I knew he was holding a grudge that I hadn't spent enough time with him during the summer but this was simply childish. "Hey, _hold up!"_ I screamed again, my voice sounding angrier and angrier every time I opened my mouth.

He didn't stop. I somehow managed to squeeze through the crowd and make it close enough to him so I could roughly grab his arm and turn him around. "What the hell are you doing?" I snapped, sending him a glare.

"I'm walking." he told me flatly, looking so indifferent that it literally stung.

" _Don't play stupid with me_. You've been avoiding me like fire. What is your deal?"

"Clove, I'm not avoiding you, okay?" he said, now sounding resigned. "I'm just done chasing you."

 _"Chasing me?"_ I gasped in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"Seems to me like I only got your attention now because I was ignoring you." he said, adjusting the bag over his shoulder. "Which is quite ironic since you no longer recognize my presence when I'm around you."

"You know that that's not _true."_ I defended myself, ignoring all the feelings of mine he just hurt when he said that. "Why don't you just _talk_ to me?"

"I've tried." he sighed. "But what's the point when you refuse to listen?

I blinked fast in surprise and took a step back. "So you'll be ignoring me from now on because I won't do what you apparently want me to do? Because I won't stop seeing Cato?"

"No, I'll be ignoring you from now on, Clove, because that's the only way I can get your attention these days." he whispered in a tone that I could describe as hateful. "I'm kind of in a hurry here. Anything else you wanna say?"

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, choking tears back but I could already feel how wet my eyes were getting. _"What happened to us?"_

Gale's eyes softened as he opened his mouth to respond and I actually allowed myself to feel hopeful; whatever he was about to say I was hoping that it wasn't going to be half as bad as everything else he'd just told me.

 _"Clove, come on, we're gonna be late!"_

Cato's voice interruped him from the other end of the hall. I turned around and saw him waiting there with a couple of his friends; same people that I had gone purging with a few months ago.

"Can you just give me one minute?" I asked and he nodded, quickly returning to chatting with the rest. I turned to look at Gale again who was by then wearing a quite disgusted smile on his face.

 _"Wanna ask me that again?"_ he said and all I could do is stare back at his glaring eyes. He nodded to himself as if to say he already knew the answer. With that he simply turned around and walked away without so much as a 'bye'. And I simply watched him go.

I wiped my eyes before any tears had the chance to mark my cheeks and I put on a hard face, trying to stop the shaking of my lips.

I guess I should have said something. _Anything._ I should have asked him to wait. I should have walked home with him; skip town on Cato and the rest for once. For him. _For my best friend._ I should have tried harder. _  
_

But I didn't. It was that simple. He walked away. For the first time ever. And I let him.

 _I let him._

* * *

 **A/N: Special thanks to Somebody Knows, Lies of a Silver Tongue and SillyPopcorn for all the feedback! I dedicate this update to you guys! :)**

Now onto a bit of bad news; I am starting college next week and I just recently got my class schedule, it doesn't look too good. Very busy. I will try my best, as I always do, to post another chapter asap. But just giving you heads up as to why I might be a bit slower when it comes to updating from now on. Sorry about that.

Thank you so very much for keeping up with me! You all are the best. :) Enjoy your week!


	7. Oblivious

_"See her come down through the clouds,  
_

 _I feel like a fool._

 _I ain't got nothing left to give. Nothing to lose._

 _So come on, love, draw your swords._

 _Shoot me to the ground."_

 **~ Angus & Julia Stone 'Draw Your Swords'**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: "Oblivious"**

 _October 4, 2021_

 _9:14 a.m._

 _"Class is dismissed."_

I lifted my head and saw everyone already on their way out of the classroom. I had completely shut down. Wrapped up in my own thoughts, I had spent the entire first class basically asleep.

"Move it, princess." Johanna's loud voice rang out in my ears.

"Why of course, _Finn."_ I teased her; he was the one that insisted on calling me that all the freaking time. I got used to it by now and apparently, so did Jo because she just smirked. "I hate Mondays." I decided to moan, getting up and grabbing my bag off the floor.

"I hate _every_ day, period." she responded with a snort. "Be happy it's just Mondays for you."

I shook my head with a tired smile and ran my fingers through my ponytail. "I _wish."_

Together we walked out of the classroom and headed down the hallway for our next torture hour. I really wanted to go home. I was so exhausted.

"Are you okay, girl?" Jo asked me as if on cue and I was surprised when I heard actual concern in her voice. That didn't happen very often.

"Yeah. Just been having some trouble sleeping lately." I explained, choosing not to elaborate on that. I really didn't want her to know that Gale was the major reason for my late nights. I didn't want to admit to anyone, let alone Johanna or _myself_ even, that I just missed my best friend so much I couldn't turn my thoughts off long enough to be able to fall asleep. These days I didn't fall asleep. I stayed up until I'd pass out.

 _"Hello, pretty ladies!"_ The infamous Finnick Odair's voice echoed around the hallway and Jo and I both rolled our eyes at the same time. We turned around and saw him coming our way along with Cato.

"Why good morning, _sunshine."_ Cato greeted me with a smirk, having noticed my frown. "You sure seem thrilled."

"Get off her back, Cato. She had a rough night."

Yup. Typical Johanna. _Big fucking mouth._

"How come?" he asked immediately. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. _"Nothing,_ just one of those nights, you know?"

"Well that wouldn't have happened had you slept by my side- _ow!"_

I rose my eyebrows, watching Finnick rub the back of his head that Cato had just smacked.

 _"Geez,_ man. Get a sense of humor, it's about time!" Finn snickered, winking at me.

"Walk away." Cato warned and his best friend sure listened.

"Whatever, _I'm not here."_ Odair called over his shoulder, still laughing. Cato glared after him then looked at me again, his eyes softening instantly.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I just need a nap, I guess." I told him dismissively. He stared at me sort of suspiciously but finally decided to let it go.

"Alright then." he said with a small smile. He then leaned in and gave me a soft kiss which he really didn't do very often at school; that's how I could tell he didn't believe me and that he knew something was wrong. "I'll see you guys later."

As soon as he was out of earshot, Johanna rose her eyebrows at me. "Question."

 _"What?"_

"How long are you and Gale gonna do this whole _silent treatment_ thing?"

I huffed and began walking again, naively hoping she would take the hint. But this was Johanna we were talking about. Hints were something absolutely unnecessary in her book. If she wanted to drill a subject, then she damn well was going to do just that, no matter how hard one would try to let her know it was undesired.

"Seriously, Clove. You guys are both miserable." she carried on, as I expected. "Why continue to do that to each other? I know you wanna make up."

"I thought you were happy that Gale's been way more focused on _you_ these days?" I asked her dryly, because I still didn't know how I felt about the two of them hanging out. I guess I was being unfair and hypocritical, though. Cato was Johanna's friend before he was mine so I was sort of doing the exact same thing.

"Come _on,_ Clove." Johanna snapped, sounding almost insulted. "I'm not a _total_ bitch. I can see how hard it's been on the both of you."

I sent her an apologetic look as I began to feel crappier with every passing minute. "I just don't know what to say to him."

"' _I'm sorry'_ perhaps?" she suggested in a smartass-like fashion. "That'd be a quite decent start."

"Honestly though, why do _I_ have to apologize?" I blurted out, making Johanna's eyes go wide. _"He's_ the one that's been acting all childish and jealous because at the age of _15_ I have finally begun interacting with another guy."

 _"Um, are you for rea-"_

"I mean, I know he's my best friend but if that's the case, he should be happy for me. It's not my fault that for some reason he just won't accept Cato. I don't feel like he has the right to make me choose. I _won't._ And do you know what annoys me the most?"

"I'm sure you're gonna tell me." Jo said with an eye roll that I decided to ignore.

"Cato's never said a bad word about him. Ever since I first introduced him to Gale, he's been nothing but nice to him under any and every circumstance."

Johanna stopped walking so abruptly it looked like she hit a glass wall. I stopped as well and rose my eyebrows questioningly.

 _"What?"_ I sighed impatiently when she didn't explain her actions right away.

"You are the most _clueless_ girl alive, Clove." she told me and I frowned, slightly insulted.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her coldly and she laughed. She actually _burst out laughing._

"Dude, how have you _not_ figured this out? I thought you knew Cato a little better than this."

Now I was **really** insulted. "Ok, I'm lost. _Care to elaborate?"_

"With pleasure." she smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Cato's never said a bad word about Gale only because that's how smart that guy is. He knew that the more Gale would grill on him, the more frustrated you'd become. And if it came to picking sides, I'm sure he was counting on you to side with _him_ for that very reason. He hasn't _been_ nice to Gale, darling. He's been _playing_ nice."

Do you know that feeling when you're completely convinced about something for the longest time and then in a matter of seconds somebody just goes and removes the ground right from beneath your feet and brutally brings you back to reality? And you realize you had been looking past the ugly truth all this time simply because it was easier?

Well that's close enough to how I felt in that very moment, seeing Johanna's amused eyes stare me down.

"Oh crap." I gasped finally, as a wave of realization almost literally sweeped me off my feet.

 _"Yeah."_ Jo nodded, giving me a pat on the shoulder. _"Now_ are you gonna talk to him?"

Of course I was. I still didn't know what to say but at this point that was a no brainer. I _needed_ to try.

"I just really don't wanna have to choose-"

 _"Honey,"_ Jo cut me off, shaking her head pityingly. "from where I'm standing, it sure looks like you _already have."_

* * *

 _October 5, 2021_

 _12:24 p.m._

I watched Gale sitting all alone at a table in the cafeteria; eating his lunch reluctantly as if someone was making him do it. An unidentified feeling squeezed my heart and I sucked in a breath. It's been almost three weeks since we'd last spoken. He had stopped picking me up for school. He had stopped talking to me at all. Calling me. _Looking at_ _me._ But that was not the worst part; the worst part was that I'd stopped trying, as well. And I couldn't figure out why. I mean, I _loved_ this guy. He was my best friend. I grew up with him. He made me a better person.

But then there was Cato. I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach when his name crossed my mind. _That_ was how much he affected me. I couldn't say he made me a better person because truth was he made me become someone completely different. He'd talked me into _Purging,_ for God's sake. He made breaking the law fun and I did it with full awareness; it excited me rather than scared me like it used to.

Gale was a _good_ guy. Cato? _Not so much._ Maybe that's what I found so attractive about him. Maybe that's where all those romantic feelings were coming from.

"Hey."

He looked up. And I felt huge relief because I was so sure he'd just ignore my voice. But he didn't. He actually _did_ look up. He didn't say anything but hey, he did lock eyes with me. That was already more than I'd expected.

"Can I sit here?" I asked carefully, playing with my fingers awkwardly, while waiting for him to respond. He chewed his sandwich in silence for a moment, then shrugged.

"It's a free country." he murmured, no longer looking at me. I bit my lip, then let out a heavy breath, as I sat down on the other side of the table, facing him.

"Gale, I'm sorry." I said and was glad to hear my voice sound at least half as remorseful as I felt.

 _"I'm sorry?"_ he echoed, looking up and at me again with a frown of total disbelief. "That's _it?"_

I opened my mouth in an attempt to say something but I knew I had nothing. He didn't even give me one moment to come up with anything else and slapped his sandwich back on his lunch tray, making a sound of a buzzer. I flinched _. "Wrong answer._ It's not good enough." Gale said, his voice so unbelievably cold. "Try again later." he added, as he went to stand up.

"Gale, _wait!"_ I begged, reaching across the table and grabbing his arm. _"Please."_

He glared down at me, breathing deeply. I let go of him, allowing him to do as he pleased. He could walk away if he chose. But I guessed he didn't want me to think that I found it in myself to try and he just blew me off, because he actually did sit back down and stared at me with those sad eyes of his that lacked everything they used to be filled with when he used to look at me before. And it hurt.

"I screwed up." I admitted. "I did and I _know_ that. But Gale, we've known each other forever. I want us to be friends like before-"

 _"Like before_ is **gone,** Clove." he cut me off; the brutal honesty of his words hit me like a truck. I blinked any upcoming tears away and clenched my fists under the table to stop my hands from shaking.

"You may not be _my_ best friend anymore. _But I am still yours."_ I declared truthfully and for the first time in weeks that hard look in his eyes softened. "I miss you **all** the time. And you can _glare_ at me all you want, Gale, but I know you miss me too."

He looked away as if scared that I'd notice how right I was about that. Hesitantly, I reached across the table again and placed my small hand over his.

"I want to fix this more than anything." I whispered, as he glanced down to my hand. "But I can't do it alone."

"I've tried _everything,_ Clove." he told me. "I've tried ignoring how much you've changed. I've tried looking past all those times you'd forget to come see me or call me back. I tried accepting the fact that I was no longer the person you would come to for advice or when something bad happens."

 _"Gale-"_

"No, _I'm_ talking now." he cut me off again with a stern look. "You want to fix this? Well, good luck trying, Clove. Cause I don't see how this could ever be fixed, okay? You are not my best friend anymore simply because you are ... _someone else._ I don't _know_ who you are."

Every single word stung like hell. As I jerked my hand back and let it fall to my lap, I began wondering; did I really deserve all this? Did I _really_ hurt him so bad that the only choice he had left now was to hurt me _back?_

"You got one thing right," he continued, very much aware of my pain. "I do miss you. I miss you every day. And I have been for months. I'd miss you even when you were around. I miss _my_ Clove. But that's **not** you. That girl's long gone. _What happened to her?"_

What _did_ happen to her? I knew that I had changed. But was it really such a radical change? Were all those hurtful words he was throwing at me justified? Or was he just being disgustingly jealous because for the first time ever I had another guy in my life? I didn't know what to say or how to feel; I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to be furious. Because how could he say all those things to me so lightly? Looking like he didn't care that I was about to fucking cry in public? _People change._ I was no longer a child. I've met people who showed me a different way to live my life and I _liked_ it. Who was it that he actually missed? The miserable, depressed and cold girl he used to always love to try cheering up? Did he miss _that?_ That sick challange?

"I can't be happy unless it's **you** that makes me happy, _can I?"_ I snapped bitterly and I knew I'd hit home before I was even done talking. And as soon as I did say that, my face relaxed and my eyes widened in surprise. All those hateful thoughts that had gathered in my head just came flying out before I could stop them. Now there was no turning back. Now Gale looked equally as hurt as I felt. Was I happy to have hurt him back?

 _I hated myself._

"That is exactly why this could never be fixed." he whispered, his eyes now absolutely blank. "Because you've become someone who doesn't give a _shit_ about anybody else's feelings but your own." he added, getting up. "Maybe some day you'll realize that not everything is about _you,_ Clove."

I was speechless. _What was there to say?_ My poor attempt at getting my best friend back failed as I expected. But did I expect it would turn out _this_ bad? Certainly not.

"And I do hope that you're happy." Gale said, looking at me over his shoulder. "That's all that matters, isn't it? _Your personal happiness."_

And he left me, sitting there with tears dripping down my face. I didn't even feel them until the moment he was gone. How long had I been crying for? I didn't really care if others were watching me now. I didn't give a shit about pretty much anything.

He was right. I had been selfish. I had been oblivious to his feelings. I had made everything about me and me only. Sometimes the truth can hurt you more than the biggest lie. It can be cruel. And apparently, some people need to hear it to realize it. _People like me._

"Everything okay, princess?"

I wiped my cheeks in a hurry then looked over my shoulder. _"Yeah."_ I rasped with a nod.

"Yeah, looks like it." he said and it was the first time I heard his voice sound so soft. "Want me to go kick his ass for you?" he offered, sitting down next to me. I laughed, my eyes glistening with tears that were yet to fall.

"Thanks.. But if anyone deserves an ass kicking... that'd be _me."_

"Well, I can't help you with _that._ Let's just pretend he's to blame, why don't we?" he asked with a small smile, clearly trying to cheer me up. I sniffed and shook my head. He looked at me sympathetically, then rubbed my back in the most platonic friendly way. I was shocked; I didn't know he was the kind of guy who'd waste his time trying to make his buddy's girlfriend feel better.

Apparently I was wrong about more people than I'd originally anticipated. My tear-filled eyes glanced at him as my slightly trembling lips broke into the slightest smile;

 _"Thank you, Finnick."_

* * *

 _October 22, 2021_

 _12:20 p.m._

I saw him coming from the end of the hallway, chatting with Johanna as if everything was bloody brilliant. It wasn't, but it also wasn't his fault so I swallowed that down. I had decided to finally take a step forward and admit to what I'd caused to our friendship. Today was the day I had finally gotten up the guts to go through with my plan.

And so as soon as he was about to walk through the cafeteria door, I grabbed his arm tightly so that he couldn't shake me off too easily and pulled him away from Johanna who didn't even have the chance to comprehend what had actually happened. As soon as she realized it was me that had kidnapped her companion, though, she simply continued to walk; for which I was extremely grateful because I couldn't afford any witnesses.

 _"Clove, what the f-"_

"You were right." I blurted out. "Okay? You were absolutely right about _everything."_

Gale's angry expression changed in an instance as soon as I said that. He was now staring down at me with a mixture of shock and something else that I couldn't really put my finger on.

"I've been selfish and clueless and insensitive." I carried on, running a hand through my messy hair. "And I've been a really, _really_ bad friend. But as much as I wish I could, I _can't_ take that back. So **yes** , for now, _I'm sorry_ is all I got."

Gale crossed his arms over his chest and to my surprise, his eyes were no longer shooting daggers at me. I took that as a good sign and decided to continue;

"But I am **still** your friend. Your _best_ friend. And I'm going to prove that to you no matter how angry you are with me." I told him, sounding so confident it made him rise his eyebrows. "I have been thinking about all this a whole lot. I really have. And I've come to this very obvious conclusion that in order to even have a chance to patch things up with you is to be one hundred percent honest."

"Um, Clove, listen-"

"No, _I'm_ talking now." I cut him off in the very same fashion he did last time we spoke (fought) in the cafeteria. It was funny that this place had gone from our common, hang out spot to basically a boxing ring. Seeing how determined I was, Gale actually let a ghost of a smirk cross his face before I carried on; "I haven't been honest with you. And maybe had I told you the truth, we wouldn't have ended up like this."

"Okay, what are you talking about? _What truth?"_

"The truth about how I met Cato." I said and he frowned, taken aback. "The truth about _why_ I've changed so much."

He didn't say anything at this point. He just listened. And I knew I was doing the right thing, but I couldn't help but feel so Goddamn guilty at the same time. It was supposed to be a _secret._ Cato had made me promise I'd not say a word to a living soul about his team and how they go purging every year.

But I really didn't see any other way; Gale needed to know the truth. He _deserved_ it. And so I told him. I told him everything. By the time I was done, he looked like a freaking statue, his face frozen in an expression of pure madness.

"I am **so** sorry that I lied to you." I said in a begging tone; asking him to understand. _Forgive._ "But it's all a secret. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about this. _If he knew that I told you-"_

Gale cut me off by a simple act ... of walking away. I let out a resigned breath but couldn't help but feel a bit lighter. I was glad to have finally gotten that off my chest. Even though I knew Gale wasn't exactly happy to hear the truth. _Who was I trying to fool?_

I watched him march into the cafeteria with such rage that it made me wonder what he was up to. Out of pure curiousity, _and concern,_ I followed him inside and damn me, but what was about to happen.. I really didn't see it coming.

 _"Hey!"_ I heard Gale call out furiously as he approached a bunch of guys standing in line. When I realized who was there, my heart stopped. And shorty after, it went all the way up in my throat when Gale just went and punched Cato in the face so hard he collapsed on the ground. It happened so fast that it took people a moment or two to even register something was going on. I began running in their direction, just as people already started gathering around them to watch.

 _"You son of a bitch!"_ Gale yelled, getting on top of Cato and punching him again. But I knew very well that he was not going to win this round. Cato was too strong. I've seen him fight. I've seen how dangerous he can be. It wasn't _him_ I was worried about. And I sure was right because in a matter of seconds, Cato pushed Gale off and was now the one on top, his fists flying wildly and hitting Gale so powerfully it made me nauseous.

 _"Move!"_ I cried out, pushing some girls out of my way and lunging forward to try and stop them. But someone wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back.

"You lookin' for some broken bones, princess?" Finnick whispered in my ear. _"Stay here."_

I didn't want to obey but I did. I really had no business getting in the middle of this since there was a very little chance that they'd even notice me and I'd indeed just end up injured. I'd never seen Gale engage in a fist fight, let alone _start_ one. And so I stood by, shocked to the core, as I watched Cato beat the living hell out of my friend. Gale was doing a good job fighting him off and sneaking in a punch here and there, but he just wasn't a good enough competition for Cato. Soon enough, and to my huge relief, Finnick got involved and was now using all his strenght to get Cato off.

 _"What the bloody hell is this!?"_ I heard the voice of Mr. Abernathy over yell the madness. "Stop right **now**!"

It took Gale and Cato another minute or so to realize that one of our teachers was around. It got so bad that Mr. Abernathy himself had to step in between them. Cato froze with his fist in the air and Gale stopped himself from lunging forward.

"Principal's office, **both** of you!" our teacher yelled, pushing Gale a couple of feet back. _"Now!"_

Gale and Cato complied only after they both sent each other the deadliest glares ever. Then they both turned and began walking out of the cafeteria, all eyes on them. Mr Abernathy was about to follow them but then he glanced at me. "And _you_ too."

 _"But, sir-"_

"Sweetheart, it's not hard to figure out what their problem is." he said with a half smirk on his still angry face. "Now get a move on."

 _12:33 p.m._

Feeling literally like the piggy in the middle, I was sitting between Cato and Gale, waiting for Mrs Trinket to come back from wherever she'd gone to. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife and I knew that today was the day everything was going to change. I could feel the not so secretive glances that Cato would throw at me every other second, but I stubbornly keept my eyes on the mahagony desk in front of us.

At last, our Principal, Mrs Trinket, came inside, a very stern look on her face. She was wearing an elegant, grey suit and had her hair put up in a tight bun; almost as tight as her personality seemed to be. She was the biggest fan of rules you'd ever meet. The dangerous spark in her eyes screamed trouble.

"I was very upset when I heard what's just happened." she said in a firm tone, refusing to sit down in her comfortable armchair and choosing to stand with both of her hands placed on the desk before her instead so she could look down on us. "Now who's going to explain this extremely _mannerless_ situation?"

The three of us looked down immediately. Mrs Trinket let out a sigh before deciding to take matters into her own hands;

"Very well, then." she said. "Miss Keaton?"

I looked up when I heard my name and I was sure she could see how uncomfortable I felt.

"Would you happen to know why these two decided to take their issues to an extreme?"

 _"No, ma'am."_ I lied and it rolled off my tongue much more easily than I thought it would. I guess I really have become a great liar. She narrowed her eyes at me but I didn't look away. After a short moment, she landed her glaring eyes on Cato.

"Mr Peters." she almost hissed, already fed up with her investigation. "I'm losing patience here. _What in the world happened?"_

"I don't _know_ what happened." Cato snapped, glancing to me and Gale. "I was waiting in line to get my freaking lunch and he just went and attacked me. _So I fought back."_

I swallowed hard, knowing that now that the truth was out, Gale was going to get in a lot of trouble. No matter how much we'd drifted apart, I still knew him well enough to be sure that he was definitely not going to try and lie his way out of this.

"Mr Hawthorne, is that true? Did you attack Mr Peters?"

"Yes." Gale murmured, but there was no remorse in his voice.

"And _why_ did you do that?"

I hesitantly glanced at him and saw him watch me as well out of the corner of his eye. I knew that he was not going to tell the entire truth; he wasn't stupid. He might have hated Cato but he wasn't going to tell the effin' Principal that he had talked me and a few other students into going out to Purge every year. However, he still could easily say how the reason for his rage was me admitting to lying to him and telling him a secret that Cato had everything to do with.

Time seemed to be going by slower than usual but at last, Gale squeezed his eyes shut for a second before looking up: _"I don't know why."_

I sucked in a breath and caught his eyes for a split second. After all this time, after everything that I have put him through, he was **still** trying to protect me.

Mrs Trinket finally sat down, now looking more tired than anything else. "Okay. You two are free to go." she said, nodding to me and Cato.

"Actually, Mrs Trinket," I whispered before we had a chance to make a move. "may I stay too?

"You can wait outside, dear. I need to speak with him alone." she said, leaving me no room to argue. Ignoring Gale's surprised frown, I followed Cato out of the office and closed the door behind us. I expected for him to confront me right away and well, I wasn't wrong;

 _"What the fuck is his problem?"_ he hissed, mad as ever. I finally got the chance to take a good look at him; his left cheek was already very red and swollen and his bottom lip was split, blood sipping from the cut. His hands were the worst, though. The knuckles of his right hand were all scratched up and bloody.

"Are you okay there?" I asked, feeling so damn guilty that it was almost overwhelming. "I'm sorry that this happened-"

"Yeah, _why_ did it happen?" Cato snapped and I froze with my mouth half open.

What was I supposed to do? Lie? _Again?_ I could because it seemed like I'd been doing a pretty good job so far. But I didn't want to. This whole mess with me and Gale happened mostly because I had been dishonest. But how could I tell Cato that I had betrayed his trust? That I had told Gale our secret?

Watching me fight with myself was apparently enough for him to come up with the answer himself.

"You _told_ him?" he asked although it sounded more like a statement. I just stood there, still and speechless. Cato shook his head in disbelief then sent me a betrayed look before turning around and leaving me alone in the hallway. At first, I had this instinct to follow him. Or at least yell something in my defense. But I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. It seemed like every decision that I made always ends up hurting _someone._

The door opened and Gale came out with face rid of any emotions. He wasn't surprised to see me waiting, but he did look around as if he expected for Cato to jump him any second. Once he realized the other guy was nowhere to be found, he finally looked me straight in the eyes.

"I'm suspended."

My arms went limp and fell to my sides. I didn't know what to say. It was not fair. It was all my fault. I could see his right eyelid turning blue already, his bottom lip was swollen and he had some minor cuts on both of his cheeks.

"Gale... I'm sorr-"

"I'm going home." he cut me off, wincing and then turned to walk away. For the second time that day, I grabbed his arm.

"I'll come with you." I told him, ignoring the fact that Mrs Trinket might have heard me.

"Don't be stupid." Gale murmured, shaking his arm free. "You don't need another detention this year."

"I don't _care."_ I argued. "I'm coming with you."

Gale let out a heavy breath and stared down at me with a mixture of resignation and anger. "I really _don't_ want you to come." he said but for the first time in weeks his goal was not to hurt my feelings with his words. I could tell that much by the sound of his voice. "I need some time to digest all that, okay? _Just give me some time."_

I licked my dry lips and stared up at him with disappointment painted all over my face. Still, I nodded, agreeing to let him do what he thought was best.

I thought he'd just go and walk away from me just like Cato did. But he still stood there as if he was not yet quite ready to leave. I took that opportunity to reach up and wipe away some blood from one of his cheeks. He didn't move away. He didn't glare at me.

"I'm so _sorry."_ I whispered, feeling quite pathetic. I never used to be the type of person who found it easy to apologize. But now it seemed like I'd been doing lots of that recently. _How's that for a change?_

"I know." Gale said and I was glad to hear the same softness in his voice that I'd missed so much. I decided to risk it. I wrapped my arms around his torso and held on.

 _"Please, don't hate me."_ I asked, pressing my cheek to his chest and waited, wondering how he was going to react. I really didn't think he would respond in any way. I figured he'd just let me stay like this for a few seconds, then push me away.

 _But he didn't._ I felt his hand on the back of my head as he rested his cheek on top of it. This bittersweet feeling of joy filled me up as we stayed like that for a minute or two, before I decided to slowly step back, choosing not to push my luck too much. Gale sent me a smile, and as small as it was, it meant a lot to me. And I knew that it was genuine. As he turned to walk away, I hugged my arms to my chest and watched him go.

When he was halfway to the front door, he stopped and looked at me over his shoulder; his blue eyes staring at me in a way that made me hope that just maybe things were going to work out between us. And the next words that came out of his mouth only added fuel to my hope fire:

 _"I could never hate you, Clove."_

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_

 _9:35 p.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:09:24:12_

How could I miss that? _How_ could I be so stupid?

I was his best friend. I thought I knew him better than anyone. I thought I knew all his secrets. I thought I could read his mind. I thought there was _nothing_ about him that could ever shock me.

 _Because I love you!_ he'd said. And I had no doubt that he did. That's why he was so hurt over Cato. That's why he found it so incredibly difficult to tolerate the other guy. That's why he allowed me back in his life even after I'd done everything to deserve the 'worst best friend ever' award.

 _That's_ why he was outside on a Purge night right now.

The stunned look on his face told me that he really did not mean to say it. Admitting to his feelings was definitely not his intention. I guess I drove him over the edge; he had reached his breaking point. I figured that the fear of not making it through the night was also a factor.

I stared deep into his eyes and was unable to look away for a long moment. I felt so incredibly stupid. I had never even _considered_ the possibility of him developing any sort of feelings for me; we've been friends for _that_ long.

The sounds of footsteps made us both turn our heads. Johanna and Cato both stood there and as hard as I found it to read Jo's face, I didn't need more than a second to read _his._

I knew Gale better than anyone else. But could I really say I knew _Cato?_ I wasn't so sure anymore.

Especially when his hand closed tightly around the handle of his gun as he stared at me and Gale so resentfully. The worst scenario crossed my mind and I hated myself for even letting that poisonous thought in my head. It was ridiculous, really. He would never actually hurt anyone unless to save a life. He would never take advantage of the Purge in that way. I wanted to believe that so bad.

But Cato's eyes screamed madness. And I found myself stepping closer to Gale, ready to take action if it was needed.

 _In case Cato decided to go mad and try and kill my best friend out of spite right there and then._

* * *

 **A/N:** Simply because you guys are the best and your reviews always inspire me, I went ahead and put another chapter together before I'm thrown to the wolves at the Academy. I could not be more excited; I'm sure you all can tell. :P I also wanted to promise that I'll try my best to update _Mocking Games_ very soon as well, hopefully before school has the chance to overwhelm me.

Here are some personal thank you's:

 **Somebody Knows:** thank you so so much for your reviews on this story, as well as The Sixth Sense. You are truly amazing. I really appreciate how you go into details and let me know how you felt about certain parts of a chapter. I'm sure you know how grateful I am for that. :) can't thank you enough! Also, thanks for wishing me luck, that's very sweet of you. I sure will need it! :P Again and in all honesty, thank you for sticking around for as long as you have. Much appreciated! :)

 **Lies of a Silver Tongue:** thanks so much for all the luck! Thanks to you guys I know I will be back soon enough to update again! :) Also thank you for reviewing The Sixth Sense, too! So happy you've been enjoying my stories!

 **Silly Popcorn:** thank YOU. :) It is my pleasure to update and I love getting all those lovely reviews from you. So glad that you like my writing, it really means a whole lot to me. And thanks for good luck! :)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


	8. Poker Face

_"Now who the hell's there, someone's knocking on my door._  
 _I feel death is out to get me, hope to make it out for sure._  
 _There ain't a star in the sky so it's hard to make a wish._  
 _I might be the next to die, hard to see through the mist._  
 _Blowing kiss for my mother, give a hug to my brother._  
 _Light a candle on the mantle, say a prayer, say another._

 _[...] It's another day alone, it's a war to survive._  
 _I'm all on my own, hope to make it home alive._  
 _It's the street life, street life._ _It's the street life, street life._

 _My heart's turned to stone, man it's almost like it died._  
 _You could run and run forever but there ain't nowhere to hide."_

 ** _~ Astal 'Street Life'_**

* * *

 **Chapter 8: "Poker Face"**

 _October 25, 2021_

 _12:23 p.m._

I was staring at my lunch, feeling rather nasueous. I haven't had appetite for weeks now. My body was tired and weak from lack of sleep and overwhelming stress. I picked up my meatless sandwich and cringed, suddenly realizing that I hadn't eaten for over 48 hours. I couldn't even look at food anymore. I dropped the sandwich back on my tray and wiped my hands on my jeans with an intent to leave the cafeteria. But unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough.

"Hey girl!" Johanna appeared basically out of thin air and her loud, as always, voice echoed in my pulsating head so very painfully. I glanced up and faced her and Finnick; they both looked as if they'd just seen a ghost. _"Oh shit_ , what's wrong?" Jo asked, worry written all over her face as they both sat down at my table, gaping at me like I was some sort of an emergency.

"Nothing, why?" I said in a weak and hoarse voice. Which I guessed didn't really help my case.

"No offense, Clove, but you look like death." Jo announced, making me smirk half-heartedly. Well, she was probably right. I've been avoiding looking in the mirror.

"Don't listen to her, princess. You look just fine." Finnick complimented me, but these days I could smell bullshit from a mile away. He was trying to be nice. I just gave him a dismissive nod.

"So where's Cato?" Johanna asked casually and I really wished she hadn't. I felt like the answer to that question was rather obvious after what had happened last Friday. _But that was just me._

"I have _no_ idea." I murmured, picking out a piece of lettuce out of my sandwich just to keep my hands busy. I didn't want to make any more eye contact with them. I knew they were both watching me with their eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure me out.

"Is Gale back yet?" Jo decided to ask another incredibly undesired question and it actually made me look up again.

"I don't know." I snapped at her even though I knew she had nothing to do with any of this, really. "I don't _know_ where Cato is and I don't know when Gale is coming back. They don't talk to me in case you haven't noticed yet."

Johanna actually looked taken aback by my attitude, but Finnick just laughed it off. _"What?_ That's crazy talk, girl. I don't know about that Gale guy, but there's just _no_ way Cato's mad at you."

 _"Wanna bet?"_ I said under my breath and I doubted they actually heard me. But the opportunity to convince them just how right I was about that came soon enough;

"Hey Cato!" Finnick called out suddenly when he noticed his best friend walking with his lunch in search of someone to sit with. "Come sit with us!"

Cato locked eyes with me for just a split second before responding in the most freezing voice I'd ever heard come out of his mouth: _"No, thanks."_

And with that he just walked off and sat at somebody else's table, quickly engaging in a meaningless conversation about something he probably couldn't care less about. Finnick looked like the other guy had just slapped him and then stared at me with wide eyes. _"Wow._ What the hell did you do, princess?"

I guess I should have just ignored that question. I should have just kept my mouth shut. But I wasn't really the master of great choices, was I?

 _"I told Gale about the Purge."_

The atmosphere at our table changed in an instance. Johanna's fairly concerned look became a glare while Finnick's face took on an expression of sudden realization.

"You _told_ Gale?" Jo gasped, shooting daggers at me. Well, that was a first. _"Are you mental?"_

"Maybe." I said simply with a shrug. I really didn't care what they thought of that. Things couldn't really get any worse, could they?

"Well that's just **great** , Clove. Real nice."

 _Maybe they could._

"He deserved to know." I tried defending my actions but to no avail.

"Well _you_ deserve the treatment you've been getting from him and Cato. Serves you right, you know." she said in a freezing voice, similiar to Cato's, then just left. I rubbed the back of my neck with a tired sigh. Okay, I hadn't seen that coming.

"Great." I summed up bitterly, watching her go. "What are you still doing here?" I asked Finn, surprised he stayed put. "Have I not done a good enough job turning everyone against me?"

Finn just shrugged, looking quite unaffected by what just happened. "I don't care that you told... what's his name again?"

"Gale."

 _"Right."_ he said dismissively, landing his hungry eyes on my sandwich. "Are you gonna eat that?"

I stared at him for a moment with a frown. Well, he was something else. At this point I felt so incredibly crappy and guilty about everything that I found it amazing that Finnick, of all people, was the only person who stood by me. Then again, was I really that surprised? I mean, he did take the time to try and cheer me up a few weeks ago after Gale had left me basically crying my eyes out in the cafeteria. And as far as I remembered, he'd always been very kind, but I used to think he was just being his typical self, all flirtatious and what not. At one point I kind of established that he was always hitting on me simply because he liked getting on Cato's nerves, just for the heck of it. I never actually stopped to think if there could be more to that.

"No." I told him, pushing my lunch tray towards him. Immediately he perked up and snatched my sandwich.

"No ham?" he asked in a disappointed voice. "What am I supposed to do with a _lettuce sandwich?"_

I smiled slightly, wondering how in the world was it so easy for Finnick to cheer me up. I'd just been royally ignored by Cato and snapped at by Johanna, for Christ's sake. And yet I still had it in me to smile thanks to Finnick. And I actually did feel a tiny bit better. Just for a moment, though. Seemed like these days life wouldn't allow me to feel less than miserable for more than three seconds.

Out of the blue Cato marched right up to us, glaring down at me like he was born to despise me. "I _hate_ to interrupt you two, but there is just one thing I wanted to make sure was going to happen."

I glanced up, looking rather uninterested in whatever he had to say. Frankly, I really wasn't curious or in the mood to talk to him. I mean, he had been ignoring me ever since we'd left the Principal's office and it didn't matter how many times I tried calling him over last weekend; apparently he wasn't in the mood to talk to me either. Well, until now.

"Tell your _friend_ to keep his trap shut, Clove."

And that was about it. _That_ was all he had to say to me. I honestly had no strenght in me to even respond. I just looked at him blankly and couldn't help but notice that his stern eyes softened a little when he noticed how pale my face was and the dark bags underneath my eyes.

 _"Chill,_ Cato." Finnick said suddenly, to my surprise. "I'm sure he's not gonna tell anyone."

"What are you now, her _new_ best friend?" Cato snapped at him, clenching his fists as if he thought that would calm his nerves.

"Don't be a bitch, man." Finn almost barked, getting angry and effectively taking Cato aback. _"Leave her alone."_

I couldn't believe what was happening. I could not believe that I had just managed to make Johanna mad. And I couldn't believe Finnick was actually defending me from his best friend. But most of all, I couldn't believe that Cato and I had ended up like this. People say life turns on a dime. And trust me, I had experienced the truth of that saying before. But I couldn't believe that with a snap of the fingers Cato had gone from seemingly caring so much about me to practically hating me. That just led me to start wondering did he _actually_ ever care for me. I mean, I couldn't even call him my boyfriend because we had never established anything like that. We just hung out and spent a lot of time together but we never actually got to the point where he or I would ask that cliche of a question; _what are we?_

Guess it didn't matter now. Because as of today we were a big, fat _nothing._

Cato looked as if he'd just been slapped and well, I couldn't blame him. I had equally hard time grasping what just happened. Finnick was wearing a rather serious face and let me just say, that was a first. I hadn't seen him look anything even close to serious before. Apparently that wasn't a frequent sight for Cato either. He landed his widened eyes on me next. But I said nothing. And neither did he.

I just let him walk away.

* * *

 _October 29, 2021_

 _10:30 p.m._

I banged loudly on the door in front of me; or maybe I only thought I made such a great noise because my head hurt so much that every little sound seemed ten times louder. I wasn't sure what was going on. Everything was blurry and sort of shapeless. This was the second time that I had gotten myself so messed up in my life and if I had to be honest, I kind of _liked_ this feeling. I liked feeling so careless, yet anxious at the same time. It was almost as if I knew that I was worried or upset about something but I couldn't quite remember why or what it was. And so it kind of didn't really matter for the time being.

I had stolen booze from my mean aunt's cabinet while she was passed out in her beloved rocking chair. My guess was she'd had enough alcohol for tonight so I had decided to help her out a little. And one thing was for sure; I needed it _way_ more than she did. I knew I was likely to get in trouble if she were to find out but then again, by the time she'd finally drifted to sleep she was so out of it that I figured I could easily just convince her she had drunk all the liquor on her own. Once I was halfway through with the bottle, though, it had become quite clear to me that I really couldn't care less about my aunt's reaction.

With all that alcohol in my system the idea to come knocking on his door seemed ground-breaking. All I knew was that I really needed to see him. Talk to him. Make him listen.

The door finally opened and I faced him or someone who looked very much like him, anyway. "Hi!" I gasped, feeling my stomach twirl. I quickly closed my mouth in fear that I'd become sick.

 _"What are you-"_ he started saying but then noticed how hard it was for me to keep my balance and my barely conscious, extremely intoxicated eyes. "Are you _drunk?"_

"Yeah, I guess." I laughed. "Since you're so blurry."

I didn't know how he felt about seeing me so wasted because I could barely see a thing at that point. I felt myself starting to black out. And then there was nothing. I didn't know where or who I was anymore.

I dreamed of unexplainable things; you know just one of those times you have a nightmare that's just so ridiculous that you end up waking up seriously questioning your own sanity. That weird dream of mine, in which I recognized a couple of random people from school doing random and odd things, went on and on until I began waking up. _And God how I wished I hadn't._

My head was killing me, I'd say almost literally. I tasted something really foul in my mouth and slowly opened my heavy eyelids.

I was outside. That much I was sure of. The sun was already starting to rise and the brightness of it hurt my eyes and head, both at the same time. I managed to make out a swing and a seesaw in front of me and that only added to my confusion. I realized that I'd been resting my head on something rather soft and warm. Hesitantly, I sat up straight and looked to the side, trying to piece together some of the events from last night and thinking of ways to explain myself.

 _"Morning."_ he rasped, glancing at me, as soon as I lifted my head from his shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows and ran a hand through my hair, my fingers getting caught on some tangles. "You okay?"

His caring and gentle voice was rather soothing; I'd expect for a person who probably had just spent a good few hours babysitting a drunk friend to be less understanding. But different people just continued to surprise me.

"What the hell happened?" I asked in a hoarse voice, nausea trying to get the best of me. I swallowed hard.

"Well, I can't tell you too much." he said with a slight shrug. "You came here last night, drunk as ever." he explained, hugging his arms to his chest and I did the same when I felt the cold breeze making my skin cover in goosebumps. "You looked about ready to puke all over the stairway so I led you outside and well... _here we are."_

 _"Wait,_ you sat here with me all night?" I asked him in disbelief, memories from last night flashing through my tired head.

"Pretty much." he sighed, smirking. "I was going to wait for you to feel better and take you back inside but you fell asleep on me."

I felt my face turn hot red as embarrassment began sinking in. I couldn't believe I'd gotten myself in this situation in the first place. _What the hell was going on with me?_

 _"Sorry."_ I whispered, at a loss for words, really. I mean, what was there to say?

"It's okay, you didn't barf on me or anything liek that." he almost laughed, bumping his shoulder against mine in order to convince me that he really didn't mind. _"No harm done, Princess."_

I smiled at Finnick, wondering how the heck had we ended up as friends. I really had _no_ idea. Going back, I'd say we'd started off as one of those people who only knew each other's names and that was about it. _How_ did we end up like this? How did I end up turning up at his door, out of it and how did he end up taking care of me all night?

 _And what about Cato?_ I knew he must have heard me banging on the door last night. There was no way he hadn't heard my voice either. Something squeezed my heart as I realized that he must have just simply ignored the fact I'd come to see him after midnight, drunk out of my mind. Like he had been ignoring me altogether for the past week.

"So what's the last thing you remember?" Finn asked suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. "Just out of curiousity."

I frowned, trying hard to go back to the very last moment my intoxicated brain had managed to register. _"I, uh..._ talking to you in the stairway, but I guess I wasn't even quite sure who I was talking to."

"You weren't." he snickered. "You thought I was Cato."

"Really?" I whispered just to respond somehow. But I wasn't too shocked.

"Yeah, you tried making out with me."

 _"What?"_ I gasped. _Now_ I was shocked.

"I'm just playing." he laughed, obviously pleased with my reaction. He put his hands up in mock surrender. "Sorry, Princess. You know I like to kid."

"Yeah, well, that was a bit _too much."_ I almost snapped, feeling my teeth start to chatter from the cold. Finnick picked up on that immediately.

"Want me to take you home?" he asked in all seriousness which wasn't a very common thing for him to do. He looked almost odd while trying to remain serious.

"No, it's okay." I declined, thinking of my aunt. "I don't really want to go back home."

"Well you can stay at mine if you like?" he offered, but shockingly there was no suggestive smirk on his face. "You could take a nap or whatever. I sure am going to sleep for a bit since someone kept me up all night."

"I am _really_ sorry, Finnick." I tried apologizing again even though I knew he was only teasing me.

"Clove, seriously, it's _not_ a big deal. Had I not wanted to, I wouldn't have stayed here with you. So really, no worries."

"I just feel really stupid." I confessed, playing with my fingers akwardly. "I guess my idea was to talk to Cato. I really didn't think that you would end up having to take care of my drunk ass."

"Well your drunk ass is lucky that I'm so very fond of it." Finnick growled, that infamous, flirtatious smirk of his appearing on his tired face, after all. "Come on, let's go inside before we freeze to death."

 _"Finn,"_ I stopped him before he had the chance to get up. "I don't really like the idea of going back inside. I think I'm just gonna go somewhere else-"

"Cato's not in." he cut me off, having realized the reason for my hesitation.

"How do you know?" I frowned.

"Because he hasn't come home since yesterday morning. He went somewhere straight after school."

I felt like a bucket of icy water had just been poured right on top of my head. Well, at least _now_ I knew why Finnick was the one who had spent the night watching me. I guessed that meant Cato hadn't ignored me or refused to talk to me, after all. But if he wasn't home... where did _he_ spend that unfortunate night? "Do you have any clue where he might be right now?"

"Not really." Finnick replied and I could tell he really didn't know. I could tell he was not trying to cover for his friend. "I'm gonna be honest and say that Cato had been pretty cold with me for a few days too. I guess he didn't really appreciate how I tried defending you on numerous occasions this week."

My heart actually skipped a beat; and no, not in a romantic kind of way. But having a guy like Finnick not only understand my actions but also seeing him actually step up and _defend_ me in front of his **best** friend was something that meant the world to me; especially since I had managed to turn everyone else against me. _"Thank you."_ I told him as sincerely as I could. Because I really meant it.

"Hey, he might be my best friend and yeah, maybe telling Gale about the Purge wasn't very loyal, but Cato needs to get the hell over it. It ain't like we took an _oath_ or some shit. He's gotta chill." Finnick said, getting on his feet and holding out his hand for me. "And I didn't appreciate the way he's been treating you because of something so trivial."

I smiled softly, taking his hand and letting him help me up. "It's okay, though. I get why he's mad."

"Clove, you _think_ you do. But you don't." he said, making me frown yet again. "Look, I really don't think it's about you telling _someone._ I think it's about you telling _Gale."_

My face relaxed instantly as I began considering that option. Finnick could be right. I doubted that Cato would have started World War III had I told anybody else. Anybody _but_ Gale. _"You think?"_

"I'm almost certain." he shrugged then stretched his arms with a yawn. "Those two have been silently going at it for months."

"How did I miss that?" I asked myself, not fully realizing that I actually said that out loud. Finnick watched me for a few seconds before breaking into a sad smile.

"That's how life works, Princess. _We only see what we **want** to see."_

Finnick was way smarter than I had orginally given him credit for. And he never stopped proving me just how wrong I had been about him. He'd become a really close friend of mine so fast I almost missed when it actually happened. We've become so close that shorty after that surprising night there came the times when I'd share certain things with him and him _only._ He turned out to be a fabulous listener and someone who really did give great advice. And cared, as well. Despite his flirtatious nature, he only saw me as a friend. And since our friendship was so fresh, he was easily able to stay detached emotionally when it came to talking about issues concerning both Gale and Cato. I really didn't know how it was possible for a person to be a best friend to someone yet still stay very objective about matters concerning their best friend. He was never careful with words; if he thought that Cato was wrong, he would say it. To him, to me, in public. He was never sticking up for Cato no matter what just because they were best friends. He wasn't a _typical_ best friend to Cato. He was a _smart_ best friend. He was the _'I'll stop you before you kill'_ instead of _'I'll help you kill'_ kind of best friend. To sum all this up: he had some balls.

I quickly learned that Cato never held a grudge against Finnick about any of this. I realized he knew that Finnick was usually right about stuff so he'd either let it go or put on a hard face for a few days then forget about it. I knew that he was very grateful for a friend like him. I knew he wouldn't trade him for anyone else; they'd been best friends for as long as Gale and I.

That day Finnick and I both ended up passing out. I, naturally, took Cato's bed and being that I was unbelievably hungover, I didn't even stop to think what would happen if he came back while we're both asleep. All I knew was that the next time I opened my eyes, he was sitting next to me with a face so hard to read that I wasn't sure whether I should run or simply pretend that he wasn't there.

 _"Still not much of a drinker, are you?"_ he asked me rhetorically, staring at me like a hawk. I really had no idea what time or even day it was. Very disoriented, I propped my sore body up on my elbows and frowned. "May I ask what you're doing in my bed?"

 _"Sleeping?"_ I rasped, hoping that was a good enough answer, but at the same time I expected him to just get angrier.

"All those months and _now_ is the time to be a smartass, Clove?" Cato asked in a rather stern voice. I could see he was still mad at me and I guess having found me in his bed while his best friend was very likely passed out in the other room didn't really make things better for me.

"I figured I'd give it a try." I said in a weak voice, pulling myself up into a sitting position. "Where were you?"

He rose his eyebrows, looking sincerely surprised. "What, you're gonna _interrogate_ me now?"

"Well, where'd you spend the night?"

"What's it to _you?"_ he asked me bluntly and I almost gasped.

 _"Excuse me?"_

"I sure as hell didn't spend the night with _your_ best friend, I can assure you." he told me, his voice very cold and bitter. _"Did you have fun?"_

"What is the _matter_ with you?" I snapped, glaring at him so intensely he actually looked away. _"Why_ are you being such an ass?"

Cato glanced at me briefly before landing his eyes on the wall before us. Silence answered my question.

"Look, I am _sorry_ if I betrayed your trust. I **am** , believe it or not." I said, now gaping at his profile. "I didn't exactly get wasted and decided to come here last night because my life's such a _blast."_

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Finnick made it _all_ _better."_ Cato muttered, matter-of-factly, standing up and walking away toward his closet. My body filled with rage. Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed the nearest object available and threw it at him. The book hit him on the back of his head and he spun around with wide eyes.

"You know what, he _did!"_ I snapped, tears of anger springing to my eyes. "And _shame on you_ , Cato, because that should have been **you**."

And with that, I was done. Scrumbling out of his bed as fast as I could, I stormed right past him and slammed the door of his bedroom behind me.

 _He never followed me._

* * *

 _November 1, 2021_

 _12:22 p.m._

Days were going by slowly. _Too_ slowly. I still couldn't sleep or eat but I'd gotten used to feeling miserable by the time I stepped into the school that Monday. I was just following everybody else. Doing my job. Pretending I was fine. Like a robot. Hiding my misery behind the poker face I have been wearing.

I found myself standing in the hallway all alone, hugging my book to my chest as if it were to save my life. I realized, after a minute or two, that I couldn't remember how I actually ended up just standing there, frozen to that spot.

I missed him so much. I missed seeing him heading my way so we could walk to the cafeteria together. I missed seeing his smile from the other end of the hallway. I missed our carefree chats during lunch. I couldn't remember the last time we did all those things. I missed our routine. I missed _him._

"Hi, Princess. Everything okay?"

I shook my head and automatically smiled up at him, realizing that his nickname had stopped bothering me quite a long time ago. I actually started to like it. It was his signature nickname for me and I had to admit that I liked how it made me stand out; Finnick called girls a milion of different names, but that one he'd saved for me only.

"Hey." I greeted him, ignoring his question and tightening my grip on the book. "How's it going? Did you sleep it all off?" I asked, hoping that he did.

"Oh _yeah,_ I slept like a log. By the time I woke up, Cato was dialing 911."

I laughed, trying not to cringe at the mention of my former friend's name. "Well, I'm glad you're all better now."

"I'm good, no worries. How 'bout you?"

"Well," I sighed, pretending to think hard about his question. "I'm no longer hungover. Guess that's something."

"Sure is." he said with a chuckle. "So listen, my bitch of a best friend wants to talk to you but he's too scared you're gonna throw another book at his head so he sent _me."_

I rose my eyebrows, incapable of stopping that half-satisfied smirk from showing on my lips. _"Oh really?"_

"True story." Finn said, smirking back at me. "Shall I announce you?"

"Come again?"

"He'll be waiting in Mr Abernathy's classroom until the end of lunch break if you wanna go talk to his dumb ass." he informed me, making another grin lighten up my face. _"Do your worse, Princess."_ he winked at me then walked away. It was funny because I was quite sure that Cato had asked him to simply tell me he was willing to wait for me if I wanted to talk. But the way Finnick introduced this whole thing to me had simply made my day. And not even the glare I received from Johanna as she passed me by was enough to ruin my mood.

I decided to go simply because I missed Cato's company. I missed all of them, actually. Cato, Johanna and Gale, of course.. If there was a slight chance I would be able to patch things up with one of them, I was sure going to try. And so not even five minutes later, I was already going inside the classroom where I found Cato leaning against the teacher's desk with his hands placed on it on either side of him. Next to him, there was a lunch tray loaded with all the things he always liked sharing with me. With a look of pleasant surprise, I glanced up from the food to him and he just sent me a small, but inviting, smile. Wait. Was he actually _smiling_ at me?

 _"They, uh,"_ he began in a raspy voice, then cleared his throat. "they ran out of strawberry yogurt at the cafeteria so ... I ran to the store." he told me, picking up the yogurt for me to see. I looked at it, trying as hard as I could to stop myself from smiling. I couldn't give in so easily. Sure, his gesture was super sweet but that didn't change the fact he'd been looking past me for a whole week. And so I glared at him, crossing my arms over my chest, letting him know that I wasn't going to simply forgive. _"Alright..."_ he sighed, putting the yogurt back down, then taking a few steps forward. "Look, I am not very good at this. I'm not good at apologizing. I'm not good at admitting that I was wrong. _And,"_ he paused, looking down as if incapable to face me. "I'm definitely not very good at talking about _feelings,_ but I'm going to try. _For you."_

I chose to just listen. For once, I was willing to just let him talk without interrupting, getting all angry or trying to throw things. When I didn't say anything for a minute, he got up the guts to look up and was now staring right into my dark eyes. "Clove, we never really defined... _this."_ he said, looking rather embarassed. _"Us,_ I mean." he cleared up, as if I didn't know. " And I don't want you to think that I was only so kind to you before in order to _'get'_ you. I can be a pig, but I really _don't_ do stuff like that. The way I've been treating you for all those months, it was all real. It was all sincere and it was _true_ _me_ , okay? I never pretended _anything_ with you, I _swear._ But the other night... that was a whole new side of me in _your_ eyes." he paused there for a short moment, swallowing hard as if the next words couldn't make it out of his mouth so easily. "And it was also _true me._ That side of me has always been there. I never pretended anything with you but I wasn't exactly letting you see me at my worse, either."

I was rather stunned and the more he talked, the more he was catching me off guard. I had no idea that Cato could actually be so brutally honest and willing to put himself in a darker light.

"You were right; I _was_ an ass. And my behavior was very uncalled-for." he admitted, taking another couple of steps towards me. "I'm sorry."

I knew that at that point, my eyes were no longer glaring. Maybe that was what encouraged Cato to continue: "I don't know what you do to me. And maybe I was simply looking for a good enough reason to push you away because this, in all honesty, scares me. I don't know how else to say it."

 _"Cato,"_ I spoke finally, letting out something that sounded like a half-laugh of relief. "do you think it doesn't scare _me?_ I became a completely different person after I met you. I stopped caring about things that were very important to me once. My friendship with Gale began fading right before my eyes and I wasn't doing anything to stop it. This scares the shit out of me, as well."

"I guess we both let ourselves get a bit carried away." Cato whispered, now standing much closer to me. "I really care about you. And believe it or not, I've never said that about or to any other girl."

"I believe you." I smiled, looking up into his blue eyes, as the familiar feeling of butterflies danced in the pit of my stomach. "Because I care about you, too."

"But see, here's the thing, little girl," Cato said, sounding a bit hesitant, as he glanced down. "I'm not the _only_ guy you care about."

I expected him to go there. I really did. Because he was right. He _wasn't_ the only one. But there was something else he was forgetting. "There's a few different ways you can care about someone, Cato."

"Thanks for the reminder." he joked, half-seriously. "I know that. But looking back at what's been going on between you and him, are you _sure_ that you can still tell a difference? Because to me it seems like you're pretty torn on that matter."

"I'm _not."_ I denied right away. And I meant that. "Gale's my best friend. He's almost like my family."

Cato stared at me in a way that made me certain he was still not sure about that and so I decided to do the one thing that I hoped would help convince him. Wrapping my arm around his shoulders, I pulled him down and brought his lips to mine. Rarely was I the one to initiate anything like this. I knew how much he appreciated it because every time I was the one to kiss him first, he'd respond twice as enthusiastically.

At last, I pulled away to catch my breath. I placed my hand on his chest and gave myself a couple of seconds before looking up again. He smiled at me, clearly relieved that we'd managed to talk this out.

"I know that it's not really something you used to do and that your friend would hate it," he said. "but wanna skip today?"

I noted how hard he was trying to avoid actually _saying_ Gale's name. For a few seconds I was debating whether to ask him for a reason or not; but seeing how excited and happy he seemed to be back on good terms with me, I decided to let it go. It was probably nothing, anyway.

"Sure." I agreed. "What's one more detention, right?"

"Yeah and I'll be there, as well, to keep you company. " he laughed, throwing the yogurt at me. I caught it swiftly in the air, making him smirk. "Let's pack it up and leave before Mr Abernathy shows up."

 _"Actually,"_ I said, thinking fast. "I need a favor from you first."

Cato rose his eyebrows curiously. "Sure, feisty. But only if that'll get me back in your good graces."

I smiled softly. "It will. _But you're not gonna like it."_

* * *

 _November 1, 2021_

 _4:15 p.m._

He opened the door and was only half-surprised to see me there. I'd expected so much more but that was good enough. Him not slamming the door in my face was also good enough.

"Hey." I greeted him with a small smile. He looked much better than that last time I saw him; his black eye was almost all gone and his lip was back to its normal size as well. He also looked rested and healthier, which made me feel a tiny little bit less guilty.

 _"Hi."_

Even his voice sounded softer and stronger. I suppose he had some time to recover from what I had shared with him that memorable day at school a couple of days ago. "I know you said you wanted me to give you some time and I still will," I assured him quickly. "but I just thought that I could help you out a little. Being that your suspension is basically entirely _my_ fault."

"Help me out?" he asked with a frown and I nodded, then handed him the bag I was holding.

"Yeah. Here."

"What's this?" Gale murmured, looking inside the bag and taking one of the notebooks out.

"They're for you. So you can catch up with all the homework and stuff." I explained, making him look up at me in slight shock. He stared at me for a moment then began looking through some of the notebooks I'd brought him.

"These are all from different people, how did you get them?"

"Well..." _Here comes the bomb._ "it wasn't _me,_ actually."

Gale froze with his arm half buried inside the bag. He then slowly drew it out and let it fall limply to his side. "Your _boyfriend_ got those for me?"

I opened my mouth for a few seconds, lacking a good response to his question. I had to say something, though, so with an innocent shrug I murmured: "He's in the same year and he knows all the nerds that are always on top of school work, so..."

He watched me with furrowed eyebrows for a good minute or so and I was almost certain he was about to decline Cato's help. I was quite sure he would throw that bag back at me and slam the door. But shockingly none of that happened.

"He must really like you." Gale said, looking as if it physically hurt him to say that. "Can't believe he actually went through all the trouble."

Honestly? _I couldn't believe it, either._ "Yeah, I asked him nicely."

"Thought you guys were fighting." Gale said, putting the bag down then rising his eyebrows at me.

"How'd you know?"

He didn't answer. And he didn't have to, frankly. I knew Johanna had something to do with it. She could never keep anything to herself, really. She wasn't a gossip, she was just brutally honest. She didn't understand the definition of _secret._ "Okay. well... I'm going to give you some space now."

As I turned around, I felt his hand grab my arm, making chills crawl down my skin. _"Wait."_

I glanced at him over my shoulder, feeling my heart rate go up. "Yeah, Gale?"

 _"You..."_ he paused, looking very troubled and torn. "you don't _have to_ go yet. If you don't want to."

I broke into a tiny smile, my eyes filling with hope. "I don't?"

He let go of me then let out a heavy breath. "No, you don't. I'm sure the little ones would be happy to spend some time with you. They've been asking about you."

"Really?"

"Yeah." he smiled softly. "Stick around if you like."

"I'd _love_ to." I said, feeling happier than in a long time and I knew he noticed. "I just need to do something real quick first."

"Sure."

"Cato's waiting for me outside so I'm just gonna go tell him that I'm staying, ok?"

Gale looked very much taken aback, but he must have been pleasantly surprised because he almost grinned. "Okay. I'll leave the door unlocked."

"Thanks." I said, shooting him a quick smile before running off. I basically hopped my way down the stairs, feeling so overjoyed that Cato took a step back when I came rushing out of the stairway.

"Wow, someone's lookin' pretty thrilled." he growled, watching me curiously. "Quite a change."

"I got bored with being miserable, what can I say?" I told him, coming to an abrupt stop right in front of him. "Don't be mad but I'm going to stay and hang out with Gale's siblings; they haven't seen me for weeks and wanna play. And I need to talk to Gale, too. Is that okay?"

Cato's pleased smile disappeared faster than Halloween candy given to a bunch of hungry kids. He looked away from me before speaking in a defeated voice: _"So you chose him?"_

My mouth opened wordlessly as I struggled to come up with a response. Was my life a literal seesaw? Seemed like I just couldn't keep myself up for too long. "I.. I _mean, wh-"_

 _"Relax,"_ he chuckled suddenly, leaving me very confused. "I was just kidding. It's fine."

"You sure?" I scowled. "You're not mad?"

"No. If staying is going to make you happy, then go ahead."

Okay, _what was happening?_ How in the world did he look so ... _okay_ with this? Was it just another act he was trying to pull off?

"And plus, there's no solid reason for me to get jealous over you and him hanging out with a bunch of kids everywhere around. That's not exactly romantic."

Well, he did have a point. I laughed quietly with a shake of my head, then went up on my tiptoes to place a soft kiss on his cheek. _"Thank you._ For the favor and everything."

"No problem." he assured me. "Call me later?"

"I will." I promised.

"Well you _better."_ he warned me teasingly. "I'd say 'have fun' but well, he stole my girl from me for the rest of the day so I'll pass on such courtesy."

Everything stopped. The moment I heard those words come out of his mouth I felt adrenaline running through my veins, making it instantly much harder to breathe. He watched me with that beautiful smile of his and it seemed like it took me forever to respond;

"Your girl?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly with excitement.

"Yeah. " Cato said with a hint of authority in his voice that made me want to kiss him breathless. _"You're my girl."_

* * *

 _July 22, 2022_

 _8:30 p.m._

I felt so cold on the inside. It's been a month and it still felt like it happened yesterday. Like today was the first time I came here. Like I haven't been coming here every other evening this month. Ignoring the fact that my jeans were all clean, I went down to my knees, my fingers digging themselves into the grass on either side of me. I just stared. I had nothing to say this time. I couldn't get a word out.

Out of the blue I heard some footsteps coming my way, making me anxious. I turned my head and felt a huge lump in my throat when I saw him.

He didn't look surprised to see me there, which led me to believe he had every intention to come here at this time. He stopped a couple of feet to my right and locked his sad eyes with mine; I could feel his pain very vividly. Because I was in pain myself.

 _"Hey."_ he rasped after what seemed like a good five minutes of silence. I didn't know how to feel; on the one hand the sight of him enraged me. On the other, I was glad to see him because it's been weeks since the last time we spent more than five minutes together. I cared about him. I really _did._ He was very important to me and to see him so crushed was like yet another slap to the face. Yet another ache that I really did not need.

"Hi." I said, barely above a whisper, looking away from him. After another moment I heard him come closer until he stood right next to me. We stayed like that in silence for at least twenty minutes. If not way longer. I wanted to say so much but somehow I wasn't even able to put two words together. Everything hurt. His presence so close to me was making it worse.

"You're usually gone by now."

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. So he didn't actually come here looking for a chance to talk to me. He had expected I'd have left by now. He was right; normally at this time I was already on my way home. But today was just different. "Yeah, something came up."

I didn't want to look at him and so I had no idea what was his reaction to that was. Minutes began dragging on and he just still stood there; I could sense he wanted to talk but I figured he was dealing with the same problem that I was struggling with. He just couldn't put any words together. At last, he squatted, his arm brushing mine. I flinched at the contact.

"Clove..." he whispered in a voice that made me think he was about to cry. And so I turned my face to look at him and indeed there were signs of upcoming tears in his eyes. I wanted to hug him so bad. Just hold onto him and tell him things were going to be okay. But that would've been a lie. Nothing was going to be alright. And I wasn't capable of touching him. Because if I were to touch him, I wasn't sure if I'd end up comforting him... or _hurting_ him.

"Cato," I whispered back but my voice was cold as opposed to my eyes that I could tell showed pain and pure sorrow. He winced at my tone but didn't tear his eyes away and continued to stare at me; his warm breath softly grazing my cheek.

 _"I need you."_ he confessed and I swear I almost felt my heart break in half. _God,_ how I wished I had it in me to comfort him. How I wished I could look at him the way I used to once upon a time; with kindness and affection.

 _But I couldn't._

"Cato..." I choked out his name again, looking away. I couldn't handle facing him any longer, knowing what I was about to do. _"I can't."_

There were millions of ways that I wanted to go with to explain myself. There were thousands of words I had running through my head. But I wasn't able to use any of them. I was empty. I was cold. "I'm _sorry,_ but I just ... _can't."_

That was all I had to say to him, desperately hoping he would understand. That he would get the message. That he would realize that this was me saying I was _done._

 _Did he?_ I never really knew. Because he said nothing. He took something out of his backpack and I glanced down at his hands. It was a candle. Without a word he lighted it up and put it down in front of us; his hand shaking slightly as he did. Pain shot through my body but I swallowed down all the tears that I felt were coming. Cato clasped his hands together and lowered his head hopelessly between his knees. I stared at his profile and noticed his shoulders began trembling so gently I thought I was imagining that.

I wanted to hold him. I wanted to give him the support he so badly needed. _I really did._

"I'm gonna go now.." I whispered instead, getting back on my feet. I no longer knew who I hated more; him or _myself._ He lifted his head again, his eyes red and glistening, but he wasn't looking at me anymore. He fixed his gaze at the stone before him and was quiet.

I wanted to place my hand on his shoulder. I wanted to do at least that before I'd leave him here all alone.

 _But I didn't._

And as I began walking away, I heard the last words that I wanted to hear from him right then:

 _"I love you."_

I froze, feeling my heart beating fast in my chest. Why did he have to do that? Why now? Why _here?_ I balled my hands into fists, feeling a sudden urge to hit him. How _dared_ he? Was it his desperate attempt to make me change my mind? I didn't want to believe that his words were sincere; he couldn't possibly mean that.

But as I glanced over my shoulder to throw a hurtful response at him, I stopped the words from coming out of my mouth. His face was buried in his scarred hands and he was no longer trying to hide the fact that he had finally broken down. He wasn't making any noise whatsoever but it was very clear to me that he had let the tears go.

I was filled with rage and sorrow and all those feelings were so strong that I literally wanted to scream. But what was that gonna do? How was that going to help?

I couldn't remember making my way back to Cato. Nor could I remember sitting down next to him again and putting my hand on his back. I rubbed lazy circles on his shirt as he continued to cry. He never tried holding me and I was grateful that he was smart enough to have scratched that option. He didn't even look at me. Slowly, with time, his sobs began to calm down and I waited until his shoulders stopped shaking completely before taking my hand away. That was all the comfort I was able to give him in that moment.

My eyes glanced down to the candle; I watched its flame dance for a little while before looking up to what stood in front of me, my heart sinking;

 _In Loving Memory Of  
_

 ** _Finnick Odair_**

 _Born August 8th, 2005_

 _Died June 22nd, 2022_

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, things are starting to make a bit more sense, aren't they? Thank you all for all the wonderful reviews and I hope that you enjoyed this (longest yet) chapter! :) In the next one, I will of course pick up where I left things off last time and I will also add some flashbacks from Cato and Clove's previous Purge nights.

Have an amazing rest of the week!


	9. Backfire

THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! :)

* * *

 **" _'I had a terrible day.'_ \- we say it all the time;**  
 **a fight with the boss, the stomach flu, traffic.**  
 **That's what we describe as _'terrible'_ when _nothing_ terrible is happening.**

 **When the _really_ terrible things happen,**  
 **we start begging a god we don't believe in**  
 **to bring back the little horrors ...**

 **... and take away _this."_**

 **~ Meredith Grey "Grey's Anatomy"**

* * *

 **Chapter 9: "Backfire"**

 _March 21, 2023  
9:38 p.m.  
Time remaining: 00:09:21:56_

I remember once reading this quite terrifying article a few months back; I had stumbled across a catchy headline on the internet and clicked on it out of boredom. The author must have spent a while writing it, now that I think about it, because he described statistics that people don't really ever talk about or even think of.

He said that, according to the reasearch he had done, over two hundred thousand people die every single day. That means almost ten thousand lives every hour and nearly two hundred every minute cease to exist. Within one minute almost two hundred families lose their loved ones. One minute. Sixty seconds. That's all. That's how much sorrow and loss and grief the world faces within such a seemingly meaningless period of time. I remember staring blankly at the screen of the computer for a full minute, thinking that every second during my careless activity, two hearts stop beating.

Thinking about it does make one's head spin, doesn't it? I don't remember any newspaper's headline that'd say "200,000 plus people dead!". But that is actually what happens every single day. It's a fact. Why do we need to get slapped with the horrifying statistics to understand that thousands upon thousands of people die every day without the world even batting an eye? So what that maybe ten percent of those people died of natural causes? Another thirty percent died of cancer? And the rest were killed in car crashes, shootings, work accidents or house fires? How is that not a tragedy? How is two hundred thousand families drowning in grief not worth our attention? Why do we not mourn those lives?

Just one minute. That's it. Anything could happen. A family welcomes a new born baby. Another family's father gets killed. One heart stops beating and in the very same second another one starts its life. Sixty seconds. While you're moaning that you wish you could just close your eyes for one more minute before you have to get out of your comfy bed, somebody else's eyes close forever.

 _Sixty seconds..._

I was frozen to the ground. I couldn't move. Time was counting seconds away painfully slow, as I stared straight into Cato's murderous eyes, feeling the deadly tension in the air between us. Gale was just as still and I could almost sense his skin crawling; he'd be stupid not to be afraid. Cato looked anything but in his right mind. He looked about ready to explode without caring how many others he'd be taking with him.

 _Because I love you!_ Gale'd said. I've known him long enough to realize that I should never question the sincerity of those words. I knew he meant it. And I instantly knew he'd been wanting to confess that to me for a very long time. What I couldn't understand was why Cato looked like he knew all that, too?

I counted sixty seconds since that moment Cato and Gale locked eyes and swallowed; two people just died. Somewhere out there on this planet. And since tonight was our great country's favourite _fucked up_ holiday, I could easily estimate that around twenty or thirty people could have just lost their lives in America. Within just one minute.

I couldn't help but think of that article I had read what seemed like ages ago. Two people die every minute. I glanced at Gale hesitantly, then back at Cato and waited; because what else could I do? I was too scared to make a move. I was too scared it'd trigger something that'd make my best friend and the boy I cared for so much part of the statistics.

Cato's hand squeezed the gun he was holding even harder and I sucked in a breath. I wanted to whisper his name. Bring his attention to me. I knew I used to have this calming effect on him once upon a time. I was someone who could restrain him from doing something crazy. Finnick and I; we were the two people who could stop him from saying or doing something we knew he'd regret. Well... _we used to be._

Another minute has passed and we still just stood there, unmoving. Wasting time. Risking our lives while another twenty or thirty people just lost theirs.

 _"Cato."_ I finally spoke softly but it did nothing. He didn't even blink. It was as if he didn't even hear me; he was so lost in his own thoughts and so focused on glaring at Gale. "Cato." I spoke again, my voice firm and loud this time around. His name echoed in the tunnel a couple of times and that's when he raised the gun.

My heart almost stopped beating when I saw Cato pointing his weapon at my best friend.

* * *

 _March 24, 2022  
_ _6:32 a.m._

I woke up, feeling terrible pain in my neck and spine. I quickly learned that I must have fallen asleep in the chair, with my arms and head rested on the hospital bed in front of me. Very slowly I sat myself up, hissing in pain under my breath. I felt like I was drunk. I haven't slept more than an hour or two at a time for three days now. And I haven't been home for even longer. I haven't really eaten. I was like an empty shell.

"Hey."

I heard his soft voice from the doorway and I didn't hesitate to glance to him. I was surpised when I saw him coming inside, wheeling his IV behind him. He looked just as bad as I did; his face white, his eyes bloodshot, his hands trembling. "What are you doing?" I asked in a faint whisper, rubbing the back of my sore neck. "You shouldn't be walking around."

"Frankly, I couldn't care less." he told me, taking another few steps toward the bed. "How's he doing?"

I licked my dry lips and immediately looked away. "Same." I informed him and I couldn't help but notice the sudden bitterness in my voice, as I answered his question. And I was certain he'd heard that, as well. He watched me carefully for what seemed like forever, still as ever.

"You haven't moved from this chair for a day and a half by now." he said and I almost snorted. _Like I didn't know that._ "You should go home and try to get some sleep. I'll stay with him."

"Cato, you're the one that's hooked up to the IV. _You're_ the patient." I reminded him with a glare. "Don't think you should be telling me what to do here, do you?"

"I'm just worried about you." he argued, gaping at me with wide eyes. "You haven't eaten a full meal or slept through the night for days. Just go home, I'll be here."

I felt rage starting to build inside of me and I just knew I was about to say something I shouldn't. Something I knew I'd regret. But did that feeling stop me?

Hell _no._

 _"You'll be here?"_ I echoed with such cruelty in my voice that I myself was shocked. Cato's eyes saddened and I could tell he knew what I was getting at. And I knew it hurt him. I looked him over, noticing his bare feet and how ridiculous he looked in the hospital gown. I also noticed how weak and defeated he appeared. It scared me how little I cared. It scared me how angry I was. I was so bitter. But I knew that all the exhaustion, sorrow and stress had begun affecting me. So I chose to justify my behavior.

Cato just stood there, very well aware of all the emotions that my eyes were clearly showing. I felt a pinch of guilt squeeze my heart and my glare became less intimidating. And yet, he still looked away and slowly made his way out of the room with one last glance at his best friend he threw over his shoulder as he left.

I felt tears hitting my eyes so suddenly I blinked with surprise. I put my hand on Finnick's shoulder and gave him a little squeeze.

"Come on, Finn..." I whispered, letting a few drops roll down my face. _"Come back."_

* * *

 _March 21, 2023  
9:39 p.m._

 _My heart almost stopped beating when I saw Cato pointing his weapon at my best friend._

I couldn't help but imagine what was possibly going to happen in the next three to five seconds. My mind just went there; I saw Cato pulling the trigger and I saw Gale getting shot and collapsing on the ground. I saw all the blood. I saw the look on his dying face. I could almost taste all the tears I knew would follow.

I saw all those images in my head. It was just two seconds, though. By the time I counted to three in my head, Cato took a sharp turn to his left and pointed his gun at the darkness next to us. Trying to recover from the situation, I clenched my fists and frowned, wondering what the hell he was doing.

"What's up?" Jo decided to ask right before we heard some sounds of tossing and low voices coming from the darkness. Johanna pointed her flashlight at the source of those sounds and we saw a few dark figures moving, trying to hide like scared animals who had just been spotted by the hunters.

"It's okay." Cato assured us, lowering his gun. "Not a threat. They're just trying to make it through the night."

Having said that, he glanced at me then at Gale one last time before turning and walking away as if nothing had happened. I felt my body starting to relax but what I had yet to learn was how little time I had been given to actually take a calming breath.

As I watched Cato's dark figure stepping away from us, he suddenly became so much more visible when an intense light landed on us along with chilling sounds of roaring engines and triumphant yells of Purgers coming our way. I turned around and what I saw froze the blood in my veins.

Two jeep wranglers were charging at us; in both of the cars there were a couple of men and each one of them had weapons on them. They were laughing and obviously extremely pleased to have found a bunch of kids to murder so that they could _cleanse_ , as the American government liked to call killing people on that very _special_ night. Two men were holding flamethrowers in their hands, moving it around and shooting flames in every possible direction.

"MOVE!" Cato yelled and we all took off running as fast as we could into the darkness of the subway tunnel. I heard more people coming out of their hidings and try to follow us but they were too far behind us. I looked over my shoulder and made sure Gale was nearby and while I was at it, I saw the two men set a few people on fire as they were trying to run away. The rest of the Purgers began shooting at us and automatically my legs began running even faster. Our sitation was hopeless, though. There was no way we would be able to escape when we could barely see where we were going and we were already exhausted. They were going at least 30 miles an hour and they were getting way too close.

I heard the screams of those who were burning to death and those who were getting shot at. But I didn't stop. Not until I heard the sounds of shooting right behind me. I looked over my shoulder and to my great horror, I learned that Gale had stopped running and was now shooting at the jeeps with the machine gun Cato had given him a few moments ago. "Gale!" I gasped, stopping as well. _"What the hell are you doing!?"_

"We're not gonna make it!" he shouted back to me, continuing to shoot. That's as far as he managed to go without getting shot himself and one of my worst nightmare became true when he collapsed on the ground with a painful scream.

 _"Gale!"_ I cried out, lunging forward to try and get him off the tracks and to the side, but he was too heavy. "Come on!"

Next thing I knew Cato was right beside me with Johanna hollering at us to keep it moving. "Go with her." Cato ordered without looking at me. I saw drops of sweat glistening on his face before his head shot up. "I said _go!"_

"No, I'm _not_ leaving him!" I protested, feeling warm tears mark my cheeks, as I desperately tried to pull Gale back on his feet.

"Johanna, get her out of here!" Cato roared, making me flinch. The next minute and a half was a blur. I felt someone's smaller, but strong hands take me away but I didn't know why I had no strenght left in me to shake myself free. All I could see was Cato grabbing the machine gun from Gale and then Johanna pulled at me hard enough to turn me around, as she dragged me down the tunnel so fast it was unbelieveable that we never tripped. We finally made it to the next station and I just stood there, panting and in complete shock. Johanna was yelling something but I couldn't hear her. She grabbed my arm and tried to pull me up from the tracks and somehow she succedded. She led me away from the tunnel and closer to the exit and we just stopped there, waiting...

But for what? _For who?_

Jo stood right in front of me and her lips were still moving _._

 _Clove._

I heard my name faintly somewhere in the far distance, even though my mind was still able to comprehend that it was the girl in front of me that had said it.

 _"Clove, can you hear me?"_ I heard Jo asking me and her voice echoed in my head, making it hurt. _"Clove!"_ She snapped, as her hands grabbed my shoulders and I took a shaky breath, trying my very hardest to stay concious. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this dizzy. _"Say something!"_

I wanted to but I was scared that as soon as I opened my mouth, I'd vomit. She stared at me in pure horror and I knew she wasn't only scared for me; she was afraid of what we were most likely going to face in a minute or two from now. The loss of another two lives who meant a lot to both of us.

I looked Jo straight in the eyes and that's when I heard it.

A very loud noise of an explosion taking place where the four of us had just been. And where, in my understanding Gale and Cato _still were._

* * *

 _August 8, 2021_

 _7:34 p.m._

"I'm not sure I wanna go, seriously."

"Aw, come on, Clove!" Cato groaned, shooting me a half-hearted glare. "I've spent hours trying to convince you. We're walking up the stairs now, what do you want me to do?"

I just sighed. "Don't you remember what happened last time I went to a party like that?"

He laughed. "Sure do. But two things, little girl; Johanna is not coming. And two, I'll keep a better eye on you this time around, I promise."

"Jo won't be there?" I asked, sincerely surprised. That was very unlike her. Whenever there was _any_ sort of party, she'd always be the first one in. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she left for the weekend with her roommates. She has her own party going on, no worries." Cato told me with a smirk. "I promise I won't let anyone get you drunk. Okay?

"Sure, yeah." I whispered dismissively as we made it to his apartment's door.

"Oh lighten up, frowny face."

"You did _not_ just call me that."

That only made Cato smirk even wider, as he opened the door and invited me in with a wave of his arm. I rolled my eyes and decided to suck it up; I figured maybe I'd actually try and have a good time. I knew it'd been hard for me to enjoy myself properly because of many different things that had been affecting my mood recently. Things concerning my family and Gale. But I had to try, right? Plus, Cato seemed like he had the best intentions; he couldn't help but notice how lifeless I'd been as of lately. And so I decided that tonight I was going to have a bit of fun. But as soon as we walked in, I furrowed my eyebrows. There was no additional coats hanging around or extra pairs of shoes. There was no loud music playing. There was no mess, no sounds of people talking, no sounds or signs of alcohol being poured everywhere around.

I glanced at Cato and he looked just as surprised as I was. Together we walked into the living room and saw Finnick sitting there, watching something on TV. As soon as he recognized our presence, he perked up and turned it off. "Hey you guys, what up?!"

"Um, are we early or something?" Cato asked, looking around. "Where's the party?"

"No, actually, you're late, asshat." Finn snapped playfully, receiving a glare from his friend. Cato didn't like to be called names in my presence for a reason that I could only try guessing; I figured it bruised his ego to be called anything other than a superlative when the girl he's been regularly hanging out and making out with was with him. But that was just a guess.

"Care to elaborate?" Cato groaned, walking toward the kitchen and leaving me standing there, all confused.

"I didn't feel like having people over tonight after all." Finnick told us, shrugging, like it was normal. Which it _wasn't._ Finnick was a party animal. He never passed on a party. Which made me ask him a question;

"Are you okay?"

He glanced at me with an amused smile on his face and nodded, stretching. "Yup! I was just about ready to get seriously bored waiting on you two, so I'm glad you finally made it. Would you like a drink, princess?"

Cato glared at him again, sticking his head out of the fridge just for that reason. Apart from hating to be called names around me, he also didn't really appreciate Finnick's nickname. I glanced at Cato for a split second, before landing my eyes on his best friend again. "Sure, but make it a soft one."

"No vodka then? That's okay, I've got some tequilla."

"She's not drinking that." Cato said sternly and Finnick sent him a questioning look, watching him pour coke into two glasses. "I made her a promise that I wouldn't let anyone get her wasted like Johanna did the previous time."

"Dude, just don't pour too much vodka into her glass, then."

"Vodka will mess her up, she doesn't drink. It'll be her second time."

" _Yeah_ , which is why I suggested tequila?"

"That's even _worse."_

"Guys." I cleared my throat, making them both look at me. "I'm right here." I reminded them with a small smile on my face. "And I don't mind trying a bit of tequila."

"You will tomorrow morning, little girl." Cato said, making Finnick snort. He glared. "Look, just let me make you something okay? I know what I'm doing. Don't listen to him."

"Fine!" Finnick said, throwing his hands up. "Do what you want, she's your girl."

I felt something give my heart a little squeeze and I couldn't help but glance at Cato who was watching my reaction as well. Apparently he didn't really know what to say or do because he just smiled sheepishly and went back to making the drink for me while Finnick casually hopped back down on the couch and was now flicking through channels, absolutely clueless about the aftermath of what he'd just said.

It wasn't the first time that I wondered about what Cato and I actually were. But it was the first time someone had so casually put it out there for us to be faced with. I decided that the best thing I could do was to ignore it; I mean there was really no other possibility since we were not alone and we were not about to leave Finnick on his own; it was after all his birthday.

"Here," Cato's soft voice cut my thoughts short and I took my drink from him. "it's coke and rum with a lime. I think you'll like it."

"Thank you." I smiled lightly and watched him walk toward Finnick to hand him his glass.

I still was quite in shock that Finnick had actually called off the party and still wanted us to come here and hang out. But as the night progressed, I began feeling happier with how things had turned out for us that night. We had a lot of fun, just the three of us. We watched a few movies, talked crap about school and listened to some very old songs, drinking some alcohol in between. It turned out Cato was very serious about the promise he'd made earlier and so he only let me drink about three glasses and refused to put any more rum into my drinks. From that point on, he was only giving me coke and juice and that was okay because I was already feeling rather light-headed and under influence.

"Can we do a little heart-to-heart?" I asked them out of the blue when the clock striked midnight. They both smirked at me. _"What?_ I barely know you two and we've been hanging out a lot."

"Sure! Shoot." Finnick growled, taking another swig of his beer. That guy could mix about everything. Personally, I was impressed.

"Well, I was just wondering," I started hesitantly. "how come you guys are living here on your own and there's never any adults around from what I've seen?"

I saw Cato shoot a quick glance at Finnick before he stared at me with his eyebrows raised and instantly I felt like I was being inappropriate. But Finnick just laughed. "Well, no wonder you're curious." he said, smirking. "You're right, there's no supervision here at all so feel free to move in, princess."

I chuckled. _"Wish I could."_

"Well you can sleep in my bed."

There was a sound of something strong smacking something hard and I almost burst out laughing when I saw Finnick's eyes go wide at the impact Cato's hand had caused to the back of his head. Finnick rubbed the spot and sent Cato a deadly glare. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

 _"Me?_ How many times do I have to tell you to cut that out?" Cato snapped back at him with a warning finger pointed at him.

"How many more times will you have to _smack_ me before you get an effin' sense of humor?"

"I don't know but I'll make sure to get an extra set especially for your _dumb ass_ because the one you have now couldn't suck more."

"Says the guy with _no_ sense of humor at all."

"Shut up."

 _"You_ shut up."

I wasn't sure why but I really didn't mind listening to them snap at each other back and forth; maybe because I knew it was all harmless. They had this tendency to argue at least three times a day and it'd always start with Finnick stepping over the line Cato had drawn with his invisible marker. In all honestly, it was very easy to push Cato over the edge; there was a lot of things that could easily set that guy off. Especially when it included me.

"What was I saying?" Finnick asked after another minute or so, as if nothing happened. "Oh, right. The apartment. Well you see, _princess,"_ he emphasised the word on purpose, sending Cato another glare and I just smirked. "my parents made it possible for my Godforsaken uncle to manage their money but he's not the kind of uncle to really care if I did my homework or ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch or not, if you know what I mean. He was supposed to live here with me but instead he just pays the rent, sends me checks and never stops by."

"I'm not understanding." I said, frowning.

"My parents died in a car accident and he was the closest family." I frozem feeling a growing lump in the back of my throat. "And since I'm still not 18 he's required to take care of me but as you've noticed yourself he's never here. This apartment is on his name which is why we have no problem living here despite being underaged. Because at the end of the day, _no one_ _cares_." And with that he just sent me a casual smile before taking another swig from his bottle. "What about you, princess? Any secrets worth my time?"

I glanced at Cato helplessly, seeking saving from the one subject I really did not want to discuss. But instead, I found Cato staring at me with curiousity filling his eyes and I instantly knew he had no intentions to get me out of that uncomfortable situation. After another ten seconds of awkward silence, I decided I was capable of sharing one information about myself: "I, uh, live with my aunt for now. She's... my mom's sister."

"Well, I'm guessing she's not the most caring, warmest person, now is she?"

"How would _you_ know?"

"Clove," he said and I immediately frowned because I couldn't recall even one time that Finnick had called me by my actual name."She let you go outside on a Purge night. Even if you made up a really good lie about it or told her that you were going to somebody else's house for the night, she still let you go. Now I don't know much about family myself, but I doubt that's a very _aunt-y_ thing to do if you care about your niece."

I looked away, feeling something very heavy drop to the very bottom of my stomach. I knew he was right; my aunt didn't care about me too much, if at all. And I was aware of it but it still felt like a slap coming from someone who barely even knew me, let alone my family's story. "It's getting late and I'm tired." I lied, getting up. "I better go."

"You can stay here for tonight." Cato offered, getting up off the floor as well, so fast he almost spilled his drink. I saw him send Finnick a dark look before his eyes softened when he looked at me again. "I mean, if you like, I'll take you home, that's not a problem for me. But you're right, it is late and you look like you could use some rest right away."

I glanced at him with gratitude then nodded. I didn't need him to try any harder to convince me to stay. "Okay. Thank you."

"No problem. You can take my room, come on." Cato said and led me away from Finnick. I could tell he was mad at his friend for saying all that about my aunt. But I wasn't, really. Finnick was right. And he was an honest person, especially with alcohol in his system. His honesty didn't really bother me.

We walked into Cato's room and immediately he grabbed a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts out of his closet then handed them to me. "Here, little girl. Don't drawn in those." he smiled softly just to lighten up the mood. I took them from him and he turned around to walk away. Something took over me all of a sudden, though. Something I couldn't really explain.

 _"Wait."_ I whispered and he glanced at me over his shoulder. "Would you stay?" I asked and he frowned, a little confused about my request. _"Can..._ could you stay here with me? Sleep beside me, I mean?"

I had no idea how those words had even made their way out of my mouth but they did. Cato stood there, shocked to the core and probably not really sure what exactly I meant by my request. "I just don't want to sleep here alone." I tried explaining more clearly, nervously squeezing the clothes he gave me in my hands, hoping he wouldn't take all that the wrong way.

A few moments passed before a beautiful smile lightened up Cato's face, making my breathing slowly go back to normal. "Yeah, sure." he said with a nod. _"I'll stay."_

And he did. He gave me ten minutes to get myself ready for bed and shortly after I crawled under the covers, I heard a knock on the door. He came in, wearing a shirt and shorts himself then lied down next to me very slowly as if he was afraid the sheets would burn his skin. I knew it was a bit of an awkward situation for him; I mean we weren't even a couple, technically, and we were both slightly tipsy. But I trusted him and I trusted myself. I knew there was going to be no monkey business involved that night. I just needed to know someone was in the room with me. I wanted to know that I had another human being beside me, somebody who cared about me enough to hold me in the middle of the night if I woke up screaming from a nightmare.

Cato kept his distance and stayed on his side of the bed. I risked a glance his way and saw him lying there with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. "You okay?"

"Yeah." he said before turning his face to look at me with a small smile. "Are _you?"_

I swallowed before nodding my head. "I'm fine."

"Clove, I'm sorry," he whispered, looking away. "for what Finn said. I should have known better than to let him ask you private questions."

"It's okay, how could you know?" I assured him, turning on my side. He looked at me again, his blue eyes glistening; the moonlight and street lights coming through the window being the only sources of light in the room.

"Well, because you never mentioned your family and I figured you did not want to talk about it. I should've stopped him from asking you such questions."

"Cato, it's okay." I said, letting my lips curve into a smile. "I'm good, _really._ It may not be my favorite subject, indeed, but I'm okay."

He stared at me for another half a minute as if debating whether my smile was a sincere one. "Okay." he whispered, turning on his side as well. "But if that's true, why did you ask me to stay with you?"

My smile faded slightly but I didn't look away. I kept my eyes on his, deciding to, for once, be one hudred percent honest about how I felt; "Because I'd like to feel safe. Even if it's just for one night."

Cato looked taken aback for a split second before breaking into another wonderful smile and I couldn't help but think how I'd never known anyone that would smile and look at me the way Cato always did. He did that in such a unique way and almost every time he did, it'd give me butterflies.

I didn't even know who made the first move. All I knew was that I ended up snuggled up against Cato for the rest of the night and I couldn't remember the last time I felt as comfortable and safe in my life.

* * *

 _March 21, 2023  
9:44 p.m._

At the sound of the explosion, I felt a sharp, sudden pain shoot through my heart and it brought tears to my eyes. Because I knew what that meant. I knew what had just happened to my friends. I knew what was probably going to happen to me and Jo. The thought alone made everything spin right before my eyes. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear.

I felt Jo pull me into a tight hug, but as hard as I knew she was trying to hold it together, she was also unable to stop her body from trembling. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting all the tears go and I swear I just wanted to die right then and there. I was done. I was rid of any hope. I couldn't imagine having to wake up every day and remind myself of who I'd lost. But I knew I'd have to. I knew that I would have to push through. _For my family-_

 _"Clove!"_

Johanna almost jumped back and away from me at the sound of Cato's voice approaching us. _"Oh my God."_ she gasped and I caught a glimpse of her wiping her cheeks in a hurry right before Cato appeared and pressed to his side and with an arm wrapped around his shoulder, there was Gale. Immediately, Jo ran over to them to assist Cato, a grin lightening up her face. "You _crazy_ son of a bitch!" she snapped at Cato with a smirk, grabbing Gale's other arm. _"We thought you were dead."_

"Yeah, _dead_ is the one adjective that I'd hate for anyone to use along with my name," he groaned, smirking back at her slightly and breathing heavily. "other than that, I'm good with everything else."

With a sniff and a quick wipe of my mouth, I helped them get Gale down on the ground. He was concious, thank God. My shaking hand placed itself on his cheek and as he looked at me, I smiled just the tiniest bit. _"What were you thinking?"_ I whispered, realizing that he had been shot in his shoulder blade. I quickly checked him for any other wounds, but to my great relief he had no more bullets in his body.

"I was thinking that getting shot hurts less." Gale choked out, managing to bring a small smile to his face, as well.

 _"That's what you get for being a hero."_

I froze and I knew that I wasn't the only one. I looked up at Cato with my eyes glistening in the darkness but he wasn't looking at me; he was staring at Gale with the very same calm and gentle expression on his face that I remembered from before Finnick died. Gale looked just as sincerely shocked by his words, but he said nothing when the other guy kneeled beside him and instructed him to sit up. After a moment of hesitation, I helped Gale pull himself up into a sitting position and Cato glanced at his wound and then looked at the back of his shoulder. "Through and through. You're going to be fine." he assured him as he again that night pulled out the little bottle and more bandages from the inside of his jacket.

For the next five minutes we sat in complete silence, as Cato first disinfected then dressed Gale's injury without a word, without a glare and without any other comments. I tried to catch his eyes for the longest while but he seemed way too occupied with his task to mind me.

When he was done, he simply handed Gale his jacket, put everything into his pocket, then stood up. "Everyone else okay?" he asked, locking eyes with Jo first who nodded with an assuring smile; then his eyes found mine. I could only hope that he could see all the gratitide and affection that I was feeling in that moment. Because this was not the right moment, nor place for a proper 'thank you'. And damn me if he didn't deserve one. I sent him a sad smile and then focused on helping Gale put his jacket back on. "You're gonna be all right?" I asked him and I was shocked to hear how weak my voice sounded when I said that.

"Yeah." Gale gasped, following that with a painful hiss and I winced along with him. "No worries, _I'll make it."_ he smiled at me softly to calm me down. But I didn't believe him. I didn't _want_ to. Because once you let yourself believe in something that you know very well could backfire on you, it hurts twice as much.

And I've had enough pain for one lifetime to knowingly put myself through extra suffering.

* * *

 _March 24, 2022  
_ _7:35 p.m._

I wasn't sure whether it was fair or not of me to act in such a cold way toward Cato and then have the nerve to come see him. I could only hope he'd understand; we've all been freaking out for the past 72 hours and well, no one could blame us really.

He was sleeping when I came in but somehow I could tell that he'd not been asleep for long. He looked so uneasy, so disturbed and uncomfortable. I figured he was having some sort of a nightmare because he kept making faces as if he was in pain. _I knew I was._

Slowly, I approached his bed, trying not to make too much noise. I hoped he wouldn't wake up at all; so that I wouldn't have to talk to him because honestly I wasn't even sure what I was doing here in the first place, let alone what I was supposed to say to him. I just needed a minute or two with him.

 _"Hey, little girl."_

I almost flinched when I heard his voice. His eyes were still closed for another few seconds before he opened them. He glanced at me, looking anything but surprised to see me. "How did you know I was here?"

Cato just looked at me blankly as if I spoke in a foreign language. I narrowed my eyes slightly in confusion because all he did was continue to stare at me. And I couldn't move. _I couldn't move_. "Finnick's still same, that's not why I'm here." I was fast to assure him so that he wouldn't think something bad had happened to make me visit him.

"I know why you're here." he whispered, rubbing his forehead with his fingers tiredly. "Well, actually, I don't. But I know why you're not with Finnick."

"Yeah, Jo stopped by; she's going to watch him for a while."

"I know, Clove." he rasped. "I called her so you could get some rest."

His voice sounded odd; his eyes were all bloodshot and unfocused and his skin had a glow to it as if he was burned up. I felt a lump in my throat when I realized how little time I actually spent worrying about Cato as opposed to worrying about Finnick. Again, though, I tried to justify myself; Finnick was in fact in a critical condition after all.

"Are you.. _um,"_ I paused awkwardly, rubbing the back of my head. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine." he said but I couldn't help but notice that ghost of a wince that crossed his face for just a split second.

"You're in pain." I whispered, which only reminded me again just how bad I felt about pushing Cato aside. "I'm gonna go call the doctor-"

"No." Cato disagreed with a weak shake of his head. "I'll be fine."

"Well, you look a little-"

"Clove, I'm fine, alright?" he snapped. _"You can go."_

Now I almost winced myself, but I really couldn't blame him. Then again, I also felt like he couldn't really blame _me_ for staying away. My head began hurting as I continued looking into his glaring eyes. I knew he wanted me to stay. And I knew I wanted to stay. But we were both letting our pride get in the way of our needs and feelings. Which was stupid, really. Finnick was barely hanging on and we couldn't even talk to each other normally, the way we could only about 72 hours ago.

"I'll be around..." I murmured. "in case you need anything."

He didn't ask me to stay. He didn't even recognize that I left the room. And I hated him for it.

 _But not nearly as much as I hated myself for walking away._

* * *

 _March 21, 2023  
9:44 p.m.  
Time remaining: 00:09:15:12  
_

We made it out of the subway at last with Cato leading the way and me and Johanna holding onto Gale and following him down the side of the street. Gale was getting paler by the minute, but I knew Cato had done all he could to prevent his wound from getting infected as well as minimizing blood loss. Still, I could feel myself beginning to freak out; what if something terrible happened and we wouldn't be able to fight back because Gale was too weak and he needed someone to protect him? What if he started to lose too much blood? What if the wound was more severe than we had anticipated?

He was panting heavily in my ear as we tried to keep a quite even pace, following Cato as fast as we could with Gale's arms wrapped around our shoulders. Cato kept looking around, making sure no one was following us and that there was no danger facing us, either. I could see him sending glances my way from time to time; I guessed he wanted to make sure that I wasn't getting too tired, holding Gale and all. But he wasn't putting almost any weight on me, I knew he was trying very hard to walk on his own despite being in a hell lot of pain.

As we continued walking, we kept hearing screams and sounds of shooting and fighting coming from a few blocks away from us. I felt chills crawling down my spine and I felt like passing out. _How did we get here?_ How in the world did we find ourselves stuck outside during Purge? So scared and unprepared? How could it be that Gale was shot and bleeding on me? How could it be that Finnick was _not_ with us?

You hear of all the people who lost their lives in fires, shootings, terroristic attacks, car crashes. They were in the middle of prepping dinner when the fire in their building trapped them inside. They were just shopping at the mall when the bomb went off. They were on their way to pick up their kids from school when another car crashed into theirs.

You hear of all those people dying so suddenly, so unexpectedly. So randomly. Why them? Why not the people who drove by sixty seconds earlier? Why not the people who left the mall a couple of minutes before the shooting started? Why did _they_ get to live? Why did _they_ escape the kiss of death?

You hear of all those people. And you feel the adrenaline, as all the possible 'what if's' start clouding your mind. But you don't believe that this could ever be you. You _never_ think it's going to be you.

 _Until it is._

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading. I hope you liked this chapter and I'm looking forward to see what you think! Please, if you have any suggestions, make sure to PM me or just include them in your review! I'd appreciate that!

Also, for those of you who have been following _Mocking Games_ , I am truly sorry that I still haven't updated that one. I've had very little time recently for writing in general, and when it comes to that story, I've also been unfortunately very stuck. Every time I try writing anything for the new chapter, I end up just staring at the screen of my computer. I will continue trying my best, though and I hope I'll be able to get over that one writer's block and give you guys another chapter for _Mocking_ _Games_ since we are now approaching the end of that fic. Please don't give up on it, I'm trying my hardest!


	10. Blood and tears

_"Call all your friends,_  
 _tell them I'm never coming back._  
 _Cause this is the end,_  
 _pretend that you want it,_  
 _don't react._  
 _The damage is done,_  
 _the police are coming too slow now._  
 _I would have died. I would have loved you all my life._  
 _You're losing your memory now..."_

 _~Ryan Star 'Losing Your Memory'_

* * *

 **Chapter 10: "Blood and tears"**

 _March 20, 2022_  
 _10:34 p.m._

"Ready?" his voice asked me from behind the door as I put one of his t-shirts over my head.

"Yeah," I called to him, letting him know he could come in. As he did, I was already crawling under the warm covers and he sent me a smile; I knew he could see the look of happiness and relief that my face held every time I'd stay the night with him instead of having to go back to my aunt's.

"Got everything you need?" Cato asked, closing the door.

"Not quite yet," I said suggestively, patting the spot next to me with my hand, inviting him to join me. His smile only widened when I did that and it was a matter of few seconds before he was already lying down beside me. It had become a ritual, almost. I snuggled into his side and lied my head on his shoulder, appreciating every second of getting to be so close to him. I have never felt safer in my entire life.

"Clove," he whispered all of a sudden and I looked up.

"Yeah?"

"I'm so glad you're here." he confessed and I felt my face break into a bright smile in response.

"Me too," I murmured, before pulling myself up and catching his lips in a soft kiss. He responded enthusiastically, as he did every time when I was the one to kiss him. Usually, it was him that would initiate anything. I wasn't very experienced in this department. That was actually an understatement since all the experience I had was with him and him only. And yet, sometimes things just feel right. You can't quite tell why, but they just do.

In that moment I was sure I knew what I wanted. And I simply followed through, because it felt too good and too right to ignore. I never really thought of how I'd feel the next morning. I didn't care if it was stupid. I was frozen in that moment with Cato and that was all I cared about. Besides, the times we lived in were the most unpredictable and dangerous yet. We never could be sure that we would live to see the next day. It was Purge again tomorrow and although the first one I spent with Cato and the rest almost seemed too easy to survive, I was smart enough to realize that this may not be the case this time. Cato had warned me too many times before. I knew I could not just assume no one would get hurt.

And so I decided to give in to him. To his kisses and his touch and affection he's been showing me for what seemed like years now. We were young and stupid, but we cared for one another deeply. I knew I wouldn't regret anything. I thought to myself that if I were to die tomorrow, at least I'd know I really have lived.

When I woke up hours later, at first I wasn't sure what had really happened the night before. Only after I felt a body moving next to me did I remember everything, all the details. It wasn't the fact that I didn't wake up alone; I'd slept in his bed many times before when I would be too exhausted to go back "home" to my aunt where I'd have to hear her drunk complaints throughout half the night. But this was different. I _felt_ different.

 _"Good morning,"_

His _voice_ sounded different.

"Hey," I whispered back, feeling my cheeks go red. It took me another minute to get up the guts to look at him. And when I did, I was faced with the most beautiful smile I'd ever received from anyone. The way he looked at me was always something else, but this time it was a whole new level of special.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking a bit concerned and it wasn't like I didn't know why.

"I'm fine," I promised. "you?"

"I'm great," he said, his smile growing bigger. "Are you sure everything is okay? You seem a little... off-"

"Well, I _do_ feel slightly different, I guess that's why," I responded, looking away. "But I'm good, really."

"You're not... in pain?" he asked and the way I looked at him must have made him regret asking me that question for a reason unknown to me.

"I'm _fine,_ Cato," I assured him again and to prove that I was telling the truth, I moved closer and kissed his cheek softly. He looked somewhat disappointed by that, so I rolled my eyes and kissed him properly to which he responded with enthusiasm. I pulled back before things got any more intense and as if on cue, Finnick stormed into the room, like something was on fire.

 _"HEY!"_ he yelled, making me basically jump away from Cato like I was burnt. Finn laughed at my reaction and I could feel my entire face turning red again. I frantically made sure I was fully covered even though I knew I hadn't fallen asleep naked. A memory from our intimate night flashed through my mind and I blushed even harder. Finnick seemed clueless as to what was actually going on, as he was used to seeing us sleeping in the same bed; I could only hope he would not catch on. "Well good morning to you two!"

"What do you want, dickhead?" Cato snapped at him shamelessly, throwing a pillow at him, which his best friend swiftly caught with another laugh.

"Today's the day, my _dearest!"_ Finn sang, making me raise my eyebrows. "Today we're gonna _Puuurge_!"

"Yes, we know, thanks for the wake-up call," Cato murmured, looking rather annoyed.

"Now, don't be mean. I know you guys have been awake for a while," he winked at me to which I just shook my head with a half-hearted smirk.

"You're an ass, get out," Cato growled, throwing another pillow at him and once more failing to actually hit him. I knew he didn't really mean all those things he'd call his friend, but that was just his attitude whenever I was around. He didn't like it much when Finnick would force his way into our intimate moments and we didn't really have many of those. Today, though, was really different for us so I could sort of understand why he was mad.

 _"Awww,_ I love you too," Finn mocked before dropping both pillows that Cato had thrown at him and walking out of the room, laughing.

"What a moron," Cato summed up, shaking his head, but that bright smile of his quickly returned when he looked at me. "you're all red, little girl."

"Am I?" I asked stupidly with a shy smile. "Well, thanks for pointing that out."

He laughed. "I'm sorry," he whispered, continuing to stare at me like I was a piece of art. He sensed I'd become slightly uncomfortable so he finally looked away. "I guess we should get ready or we'll be late for school."

I nodded and watched him put a t-shirt over his head. He glanced at me and I smiled. He looked at me somewhat sentimentally, making me wish I knew what was on his mind. Just as he opened his mouth to maybe reveal a secret or two, my phone buzzed. I crawled to the nightstand and snatched it. "It's Gale," I said, more to myself than Cato. "I'm sorry, I gotta get this."

"Of course," he murmured and I could hear his voice losing all its enthusiasm. "I'll be in the kitchen."

"Ok," I smiled one more time, but he just walked out of the room. I felt something heavy sinking in my stomach and I let the phone buzz a couple of more times until it stopped. I sat there, torn and confused. Did I have any regrets regarding last night? It wasn't how I had pictured my first time with Cato because it happened so spontaneously, but it was definitely the most amazing and passionate experience of my life. Was it also the same for him? I wasn't even sure if it was the first time for him, too.

My phone buzzed again, making me snap out of all these thoughts. "Yes?" I answered it, the tone of my voice probably a notch too snappy.

 _"Hey... sorry, did I wake you?"_ I heard Gale's voice and to my horror, my stomach instantly felt like it was filled with bricks. Like I felt... _guilty._

"No, um," I stuttered, "I was awake. What's up?" I asked genuinely curious since we were literally about to see each other in less than an hour.

 _"I just wanted to let you know I'm not going to school today, my mom's feeling sick so I'll stay home to help get everything ready for tonight,"_ his voice somewhat broke and I hated how I instantly knew why. Had I not known what tonight was, I'd have thought he was talking about prepping a party. Next time he talked, his voice was no longer this casual, _"So I.. I was hoping you could stop by on your way home from school?"_

My stomach couldn't possibly feel any heavier at this point. Not only had I not told him I was Purging again this year, but he just made me feel a dozen times worse about it by asking me to come over so we can have a minute with each other, just in case one of us doesn't make it through the night. _"I, uh-"_ I stuttered again, squeezing my eyes to stop the tears. "Y-yes, of course, Gale. I'll be there."

 _"Good,"_ he sighed with relief. _"I'm looking forward to seeing you then,"_ he told me and I could hear his smile in the way his voice sounded. _"I'm missing you."_

I tightened my grip on the phone so that my shaking hand wouldn't drop it. My dear, sweet friend. So caring and forgiving. And here I was, about to disappoint him once again.

"I miss you too," I confessed truthfully, deciding I needed to hang up before I break into tears. _"See you later, Gale."_

* * *

 _March 21, 2023_  
 _10:42 p.m._  
 _Time remaining: 00:08:17:45_

I could feel Gale's heavy breaths on the side of my face, as I tried to get him to run at an even pace so that we wouldn't end up falling too far behind. I had my arm wrapped around his torso, while his hung over my shoulders. I couldn't imagine how much pain he was in but we had to get off the streets as fast as possible. We had to get out of downtown; it was too dangerous.

I glanced up at his pale face and felt nausea trying to get the best of me. I was so scared for his life. He almost died on me. _They both almost did._

"Speed it up!" I heard Cato's voice egging us on, as he began running faster, gun at the ready. Johanna waited for us to catch up then grabbed Gale's other arm to help me out. I sent her a grateful look and the three of us carried on, trying to keep up with the fast pace Cato had started. I couldn't breathe, but I kept on running, knowing what could happen if we stopped.

I choked back some upcoming tears of fear and exhaustion and I prayed. _God, let us make it through the night. God, don't let my mother lose another family member. God, don't let Jakie grow up without his big sister._

"Stay back!" Cato whisper-yelled and only then did I realize he had been waiting for us to catch up and must have noticed some kind of danger ahead. "Stop," he said, holding his arm out towards us. Jo and I listened and as soon as we did, I felt Gale weighing down on me. I ignored how heavy he was and sent Cato a questioning look. He didn't have to explain anything, though. Soon enough we heard some gunshots followed by a woman's voice:

 _"I'm doing God's work!"_

Cato peeked his head from behind the building to check and I unwrapped Gale's arm from around me, hoping Johanna would be able to hold him steady for a minute. I approached Cato and stopped right next to him to see what was going on for myself.

And then I saw her; the woman was on a rooftop with a machine gun and a megaphone. _"He uses an earthquake, a virus to keep the population under control,"_ she announced walking back and forth. _"The masses nourish and flourish... I am that virus tonight! I am a one-woman fucking plaque and you're all in my path!"_ her voice echoed around the block and she followed it with more gunshots.

Cato glanced down at me and I saw all the fury his eyes were filled with. I licked my dry lips and held my breath, my eyes watering.

 _"I am the Holy Trinity!"_ the woman continued. _"I am the Father Fucker, Son of a Bitch and Holy **Shit**!"_

"When I move, you move, understand?" Cato ordered, first shooting me a look before glancing back to Jo and Gale. "Stay close. Don't stray. Okay?"

Johanna and Gale both nodded. Cato stared at me with raised eyebrows, apparently waiting for my confirmation. "Yeah," I told him, letting him know I fully understood. I mean, he'd trained me. I knew how this thing worked.

 _"And my MP-9 silver-tipped Auto Magnum!"_

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to tune her voice out but it wasn't working. I was so full of hate and rage that it almost felt like my skin was on fire. How did this happen? _How could people end up like that?_

 _"The right arm of the free world and the left hand of God!"_ the woman exclaimed and followed her foolish statement with another round of gunshots, turning away from where we stood.

"Go!" Cato told us and so we ran. I was the first one to cross the street with the three of them following me. Cato was now helping Johanna with Gale, his free arm holding the gun in case he needed to use it. We ran into another dark alley and continued a few blocks down, following Cato's directions. I had no idea where he was taking us but I didn't care as long as he had some kind of plan.

At this point, anything was good enough.

* * *

 _March 21, 2022_  
 _12:34 p.m._

 _"Hey Clove!"_ Johanna yelled at me from our table in the cafeteria, as soon as she saw my-distracted-self enter. "Grab a soda for me!"

I guess most people would be surprised by how bossy Jo was, but I've spent enough time around her to get used to it. And I mean, she would do it for me. Actually, she probably wouldn't. But it was still just a stupid beverage. I walked to the vending machine and inserted some coins. Before I got around to picking anything, I felt arms wrapping themselves around my waist from behind. I shuddered, as more memories from last night appeared in my head. I turned around with a light blush covering my cheeks. _"Hey,"_ I whispered softly.

"Hey, beautiful," he said, smiling down at me. "You don't drink soda, what'cha doing?" he asked almost suspiciously, but I knew he was just playing.

"It's for Jo's lazy butt," I explained briefly, before pushing one of the buttons and bending down to take out the Pepsi can. "Listen, I need to tell you something."

"I know what you're gonna say," he said, his arms dropping to his sides and I frowned. "You just wanna be friends and it's not _me,_ it's _you..."_

"Shut up," I swatted his arm with a smirk and he grinned.

"What's up then, baby?" he asked and I frowned and stared at him curiously. _"What?"_

"You never called me that before," I pointed out. "What's your deal?" Now I was the one narrowing my eyes suspiciously, except that I wasn't playing at all. We spent one night together and all of a sudden he goes baby-ing me?

"There is no deal, Clove," he almost laughed, apparently finding my reaction to a simple word quite amusing. "What, do you not like it?"

 _"I just-"_ I paused, trying to determine whether I was overthinking this or not. "Never mind... look, I'm going home now. Well actually, I'm going to Gale's. So I'll meet you at your place later, ok?"

"Okay," he agreed, kissing my cheek. "Just be careful and try not to be late."

As he turned around, I just couldn't help it. I grabbed his arm to stop him. "Wait a second... call me crazy, but you're acting really odd. I was half-convinced you wouldn't like this."

 _"Clove,"_ he said with a very unfamiliar look on his face. A happy expression painted on it like it was there all along. "I noticed he was absent today, so I kind of expected you to tell me you were going to see him. We all know what day it is today, so go and spend time with your friend. I'm perfectly okay with it. _Besides,"_ he moved closer to me, almost taking my breath away as I realized how good he smelled. "I'm pretty sure you spent last night in _my_ bed, not his," he whispered and I felt goosebumps all over me instantly. I hated and loved the effect he had me on me. Especially after last night. "I'm not worried," he winked at me and kissed me softly. "Please, don't be late, little girl. _See you at 5."_

And with that, he just snatched that Pepsi from me and walked away to where Johanna and Finnick were already enjoying their lunch. I stood there, half-stunned, half-excited for what seemed like a good few minutes. Finally realizing that I had no time to waste, I left the cafeteria and hurriedly caught the bus to Gale's place.

Watching all the people we were passing by, I couldn't help but feel blue and helpless. All those kids that may lose their lives and/or families tonight... _All those wives losing their husbands..._

I shook my head and blinked any upcoming tears away. I took my phone out of my bag and noticed a text message from Cato. I sighed before clicking on it.

 _'Wish you were here'_

Who would have thought Cato could be such a sweet guy? I guess I was something real special to him; Finnick and Johanna mentioned a handful of times how they thought Cato had undergone a personality-changing brain surgery. That's how much they thought he'd changed for me. I smiled and replied a short, but sweet ' _I miss you too'_ before doing what I'd intended to do in the first place. I put my phone to my ear, anxiously awaiting for an answer. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long.

 _"Hello?"_

"Hey!" I gasped, smiling like a dork; I was so happy to hear his voice. "Hey, buddy! How's it going?"

 _"Clovey!"_ Jake screamed happily, making me grin. He was the only one who called me that and the only one who would _ever_ be allowed to call me that. _"I'm good! Aunt Annie just handed me her cell phone, I knew you would call!"_

"Of course!" I said, bittersweet tears filling my eyes. "I always think of you. I miss you _so_ much, bud, I hope I can see you soon."

 _"I miss you too,"_ he told me, sounding much sadder. _"You're going to be safe tonight... right?"_

I stiffened, my smile slowly disappearing from my face. He always asked that question. _And I always had to lie to him._ "Yes," I choked out. "Yes, of course. Don't you worry, kiddo. More importantly, are you guys alright?"

 _"We're great. Aunt Ann wants to know do you need anything?"_

"No, I'm fine," I told him, forcing a smile so that he wouldn't sense there was something wrong. Wiping my cheeks I said: "I will call you again tomorrow, okay? Like always."

 _"Okay,"_ he agreed. _"I love you, Clovey."_

I squeezed my eyes tight, making more tears fall down my face. "I love you too buddy. Bye now, Jakie."

 _"Bye!"_

I hung up, as my hand went limp and fell to my lap, squeezing the phone tightly. I bit my lip to stop it from shaking and tried my best to compose myself before reaching my destination. It was killing me that I had to be apart from Jakie. But at the end of the day, at least I didn't need to worry about him. He was safe and sound in Canada with my dad's sister. She's always been a good aunt. And she has two sons, twins, about Jake's age so he couldn't have possibly ended up at a better place. Their family was having a rather hard time with money and despite that, they always called and asked if I needed anything. I knew I could count on them. I knew they'd take me in if I were to tell them I wanted to come to Canada. But I couldn't leave Gale. There was no way his family could move there, too, besides our government was making every little process extremely difficult.

The New Founding Fathers were anything but stupid. The borders were closed from January 1st until the end of Purge so that people couldn't travel outside of the country. People couldn't miss so much work or school. The perfect solution to a perfectly fucked up agenda. Of course, you could still travel _to_ the United States. There were actually some foreigners doing that; taking a trip to America to Purge. To be able to kill legally. That was the one thing our stupid government was indeed right about to a certain degree; people would do horrible things all the time if they were legal.

I finally got off the bus and as I walked to Gale's apartment building, I tried to block all those thoughts out. I wanted to spend a few, relaxing hours with my best friend before this country takes a sharp turn straight into Hell again.

Gale couldn't be happier when he saw me, which really made me realize just how much he wanted to see me before 7 o'clock tonight. It gave me a bit of an uncomfortable feeling; as if he could sense something was going to go down. I decided I would wait with telling him I was Purging again this year until it was time for me to go because I really wanted to avoid him getting angry with me before it was necessary. That time came way too fast and I wasn't nearly ready yet to be yelled at.

"I have to go now, Gale," I started carefully, hoping he wouldn't ask why. Hoping that just maybe I wouldn't have to tell him the truth.

"I know," he said, surprising me. _"What time do you guys meet?"_

I frowned, staring at him uncertainly. "Um," I said in a hoarse voice, trying to think of an answer, but Gale just held up his hand to stop me.

"I _know_ you're Purging tonight, Clove," he stated the obvious, but I still felt like someone just removed the ground from beneath my feet. I could tell my face paled, as he continued to gape at him in a way I found hard to describe.

"Oh," I murmured weakly, looking down. _"Who told you?"_

"I wish you'd have told me _yourself,"_ he said, clearly not wanting to spill the beans. I knew it was Johanna, though. They were dating after all. Something I found super easy to forget at times. "But it was sorta obvious to me."

 _"I'm sorry,"_ I whispered, but he just shook his head.

"It's fine..." Gale told me, not doing a very good job at trying to convince me he really felt that way. "If I'm not mad at Jo, guess it'd be wrong to be angry with you. It just sucks to know both of you are gonna be out there tonight."

I licked my dry lips, still not ready to look up. I felt a slight pang of jealousy at the fact he didn't single me out like he normally did, even despite being with Jo. This time it was me _and_ Jo. But I couldn't blame him. Of course he was worried about her, too. "We're going to be fine. I'll keep my phone on in case you-" I paused to swallow hard, as fear for my best friend almost overwhelmed me. _"In case you need our help."_

I knew Gale could be quite too proud at times to accept help from people, _especially_ if it was from Cato. But if his family's lives depended on it, I knew he would call. There were a bunch of us, after all. Trained and armed. We would be his only chance. "I'll remember that," he said with a small smile, probably trying not to give in to the horror we were about to go through yet again tonight. In that moment I realized just how much I didn't want to leave him. I just wanted to stay at his place where I could at least be sure he was okay. Where I would feel the safest. His neighborhood was of course not the greatest, but there were much more dangerous areas in the city. Last year he didn't even hear much going on outside, which was quite surprising. I could only hope for the same this year.

"I'll see you tomorrow... ok?" I said, unable to stop my voice from shaking slightly as I whispered my goodbye.

"You _will,"_ he swore, pulling me in for a hug. I buried my face in his shoulder, trying not to completely break down. "You watch yourself out there... _please."_

"I will, I promise," I whispered pulling back so I could look him in the eyes. "Listen... I know that you hate Cato for talking me into this and that you're worried about me, but trust me when I say that we are trying to make a change. It may not be the best or the right way to do it, but look around you," I paused to let out a resigned breath. "what about this whole thing _is_ right?"

Gale watched the pained expression on my face for a little while before looking down and nodding. "I know," he choked out. "Just... _stay safe."_

I nodded too, placing my trembling hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze as if to assure him nothing bad was going to happen. As if to promise things I had no control over. _"You too."_

* * *

 _March 21, 2023  
10:55p.m.  
Time remaining: 00:08:04:28_

As soon we made it far enough not to be able to hear the crazy roof woman's voice anymore, we were forced to make another stop. Because there right in front of us stood a broken truck, smoke surrounding it, dead bodies of soldiers scattered around the street. I felt something of weird taste irritate my throat and nostrils and I coughed along with Johanna who had the exact same problem. "What the _hell_ is that?"

"Is that tear gas?" Gale asked, covering his mouth and nose with the palm of his hand. Cato looked around to make sure we were alone and then began examining the area.

"Smoke canister," he then told us before waving his arm at us, "stay close."

Before I was able to close the distance between me and him, out of the blue I was grabbed as the man lying on the ground in front of me came back to life and was now getting up, his hands squeezing my arms. I let out a muffled scream, looking at his blood-covered face.

"Hey!" Gale barked, moving in to help me, but Cato was much faster and before long he was already grabbing the man away from me.

" _Get off her!_ " he snapped, letting him fall back to the ground. The man struggled to take a breath as he rolled onto his back and stared up at us with pain filling his bloodshot eyes.

"We were just doing our _duty!"_ he choked out like he thought it would justify killing dozens of helpless and scared people. For another brief moment, he choked on his own blood, and hopefully on his meaningless words as well, and then he stopped moving. I gaped at his lifeless, bloody face with a mixture of shock and pity that I knew he did not deserve.

"Are you alright?" Gale asked me, placing his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head with a weak smile. _"What the hell happened here?"_

"Look at his uniform," Johanna whispered suddenly and I shivered slightly when I heard her disgusted voice right beside me. "This is one of the bastards who came into my building." she realized, glancing at Gale as if for confirmation.

"And that looks like their truck," he simply added with a nod. "I wonder who attacked them..."

"Come with me," Cato said, heading for the truck; the doors to the trailer were wide open. He swiftly jumped inside and we followed him, absolutely amazed at what we discovered inside. There were, of course, a bunch of guns and other weapons hanging on the walls, so without wondering we began collecting some. As I took off a hand gun and checked if it had any bullets, I took a closer look around, now noticing all the monitors, each one displaying a different location.

"They were tracking people down..." I murmured more to myself than anyone else, but my comment drew the attention of others and made them stare at the monitors, as well. Cato came closer to me, frowning at the scene before him.

"This is some high-tech shit," Jo announced, drinking it all in. "Somebody spent a lot of money trying to do some heavy-duty Purging. Look at this. They're accessing  
the city's traffic cams."

"Traffic cams are controlled by the government. How did they get into these?" Gale asked, his eyebrows furrowed in consternation.

"Maybe you just answered your own question," Jo whispered without turning to check his reaction to her shocking revelation.

 _"Truck 3, come in!"_

We heard a voice coming from the speaker placed next to another monitor to our right and on it, there was an interactive map of the city with red, blinking points in several different places. "What the fuck is this?" I asked, bending to take a better look.

"Look at this," Cato breathed, pointing to one of the red spots. "Seventh Street. _Johanna, that's your place,"_

"Why is it all red?"

"You're being targeted for something, along with all these other buildings on the map," Cato continued. "Here and here... All around the projects. All over the damn city."

"Look, I'm telling you, this is the New Founding Fathers," Johanna insisted, purposely staring at Gale as she spoke. "It's our own fucking government doing this. And look at this mark," she turned around and pointed at the wall visible from the inside of the truck. There was a white graffiti of the NFFA flag, the mark of the New Founding Fathers campaign logo, a red cross sprayed over it. "That's Carmelo's mark, I told you he was the real deal, Clove." she said, throwing me a 'I told you so' kind of look. "His group took these fuckers out."

Maybe Johanna was actually right. Maybe there really was a group of people out there that, just like we used to, were out during the Purge fighting the regime, leaving smoke and corpses behind them.

 _"Truck 3, please respond!"_

"Everybody got a weapon?" Cato asked hastily, because I was sure he could tell we had to get the hell out of this place. And as if on cue, we heard a loud noise of an upcoming truck and as we all turned heads, there it was, coming at us from around the corner.

 _"Shit,_ there's another one!" Gale gasped, "It's a fucking army!"

"Here, take this!" Cato said, handing another hand gun to him before hopping out of the truck. "Come on, let's go!" he waved at us. I followed him and he helped me down and the four of us headed back into the darkness of the night, not knowing what awaits us.

* * *

 _March 22, 2022_  
 _05:26 a.m._

"Move it, guys! We have four minutes left!" Cato called to us, glancing at his watch anxiously.

"We're almost done!" Finnick shouted, while helping me with the last explosive we were setting up at the main entrance of the mansion we were about to blow the heck out. Well, we were not blowing up the actual house. Just all the security gates and fences that had been put up to shelter another filthy rich Beverly Hills celebrities from the slaughtering that millions of Americans had no way of protecting themselves from. That was basically what we were doing. We were trying to give them the foretaste of what has been forced down our throats every year without our consent. Barely anyone was coming to this area during the Purge anyway, since those properties were impossible to enter with all their fancy and expensive security systems. But it was almost comforting to know that at least for once it would be them as well, forced to face all the demons and fears that we had to fight every year. We silently hoped it would make them realize just how wrong and injust Purge really was and that maybe a few of them would come out and stand up for the rest of this country. Maybe they'd realize what it felt like to be someone's living target for no reason whatsover. Because tonight it didn't matter to anyone whether you were rich or poor, attractive or not, a kind or a horrible human being. If you found yourself on their path, _you die._ No matter what you do or say. No matter _who_ you are.

"Clove, I need more light," Finnick whispered hastily. I directed the light from my flashlight so he could see better, feeling my hands starting to shake.

 _"Finn,"_ I gasped, checking the time again.

 _05:28_

"We have to go," I told him, grabbing his shoulder.

"Wait," he insisted.

 _"Clove, where the fuck are you!?"_ I heard Cato's anxious voice coming from my walkie-talkie. _"You have less than two minutes left!"_

"We're coming, buddy," Finnick responded, holding his own device to his mouth. "Go, Princess, I'll catch up with you in two seconds."

Before I could protest, the sound of shooting reached my ears and I was pulled to the ground by Finnick who covered me until the shots stopped. As soon as they did, he did the last thing I would have expected him to do. He pushed me down from the stairs leading to the main gate. I fell ten feet down on the concrete, managing to put my arms first by which I avoided cracking my head open. I cried out when I finally hit the ground, an agonizing pain shot through my entire body. I heard some distant voices calling things I could not understand. Then I felt a sudden blow of air to my right, as if something heavy just fell down right beside me. More shots followed and I felt a warm body laying on me right before an explosion took place right above us, almost blowing my ears up. Pieces of metal and bricks fell on us like heavy rain, but they only got my left arm and leg since someone was still on top of me, most definitely getting hit with everything that was coming down. I choked as the smoke made into my eyes and nostrils and for second I forgot where I was or what was happening. Pain was all I could feel.

My ears were ringing and all I saw when I opened my eyes were blurry figures making their way towards me. I reached for my gun, but it wasn't there. I realized I must have dropped it when the shooting began. The body weight on top of me suddenly left me and I curled up on the concrete ground like a broken doll. I couldn't move my right hand and through the tears in my eyes, I could see the left sleeve of my black jacket ripped to pieces.

Then it was like the volume has been turned up and I could hear everything again. A few more screams and several gun shots later, I was finally able to make out who and what was yelling.

 _"CLOVE!"_ I heard Cato's panicked voice cut through the air like one of the bullets that had just been sent our way. _"Finnick!"_

I turned my head to my right and my breath was taken away.

He was lying there, _unconscious._ All bruised up and bleeding on almost every inch of skin that was visible; his entire face and neck, his hands scratched up and seeping blood. I gasped and slowly turned my entire body on my side, ignoring all the pain I was feeling. _"Finn,"_ I choked out, as I tasted blood in my mouth. "Finnick!" I cried, reaching out to try and shake him awake. But he wouldn't.

" _Clove!"_ I heard someone else scream at the top of their lungs. _"Stay where you are!"_

More gunshots filled the brief silence, but I didn't care. All I cared about was my friend, lying there next to me, looking like he was- _"No,"_ I whispered, the saltiness of my tears mixing with the metallic taste of blood. "Finn, wake _up,"_ I tried again, propping my body up on my elbow so I could place my other hand on his swollen cheek. _"Finnick..."_

And that's when I saw it. _Blood._ A lot of it. Escaping his body from a gun shot wound on his chest. I stiffened, feeling my heart beating so fast I expected it to explode in my chest any minute. More yells accompanied my vast heart-beat, creating music that I knew I would never be able to forget.

I didn't know where I was anymore. Or what I was doing here. I heard more distant voices calling things I could not understand. The pain was all I could feel.

The saltiness of tears mixed with the bitter taste of blood...

 _I didn't know where I was anymore._

* * *

 _March 21, 2023  
11:24 p.m._  
 _Time remaining: 00:07:35:41_

We were able to escape the truck without being spotted and about thirty minutes later we stopped again. Cato began frantically looking for something in his jacket and I frowned. _"What is it?"_

He didn't answer. A relieved smile crossed his face before he took something small out of one of his pockets and walked past me. He stopped when he got to this huge, gray door and in a matter of seconds, he opened it. But then he was faced with another thick, black door and a security panel on the side of it.

I let out a heavy breath. "What is this? _What are you-"_ I cut off my own question when I saw him punch in a code without hesitation. The door opened instantly, he pushed it inside and switched on a flashlight.

"Come on," he said, motioning with his head for us to follow him. Johanna and I exchanged confused looks but did as we were asked. I wrapped my arm around Gale once more and we went inside. Cato locked the door behind us, double-checked that it was for sure secure, then led us down the hallway. I decided not to ask any more questions; it clearly seemed that he wasn't in the mood to explain. He's never told me about this place before. I knew that we were somewhat near our school, though. A moment later Cato stopped and after a 'click' sound, the light was on and we were finally able to see the surroundings.

We were in a conveniant store.

Instead of explaining anything to us, Cato walked off and down the pharmacy aisle and began collecting different things from the shelves like he owned the place. I watched him for a while, but then I heard Gale's panting beside me and decided it would probably be a good idea to have him sit down.

"Careful," I whispered to Johanna as we both sat him down on the floor. He winced and I did, too, when I saw how the blood had seeped through his clothes. "Wait here," I told him. He looked at me with eyes full of pain but nodded. I sent him a sad smile before getting back on my feet and walking away.

He was still in that aisle, looking for something when I approached him. "What is this place? How come you have access to all this?"

Cato glanced at me before going back to his previous task. "I have a friend who works here. Her dad owns this store. She gave me the keys in case of an emergency." he explained grabbing another box of pills from the shelf. _"I'd say this is one."_

He then without another word went back to where Jo and Gale were sitting. I followed him back to my friends with furrowed eyebrows. Cato squatted next to Gale and laid out everything he'd gathered before him. "If you could take off your top, I'll dress your wound."

Gale looked up at me, surprised. I felt the corners of my lips go up slightly forming a ghost of a smile and I nodded to encourage him to do as he was asked. He took off his jacket with a quiet hiss of pain before Johanna assisted him with pulling his shirt over his head as slowly and as carefully as she could.

"This is gonna sting," Cato warned him before pouring a clear liquid over his wound which I presumed should help with disinfection. Gale bit his bottom lip hard and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to muffle a moan he knew was coming.

I couldn't watch him suffer like that. He was here now because of me. It was all my fault. I couldn't stand it.

 _I walked away._

* * *

 _March 22, 2022  
08:23 a.m._

I woke up to my body trying to take a deep breath, resulting in horrible pain crushing my entire midsection. I gasped breathlessly and opened my eyes wide in shock.

 _Where was I?_

I choked when I tried taking in more oxygen, which only made my chest hurt like it was burning.

 _"Nurse!"_ I heard a strangely familiar voice call out, as through tears of pain I saw a moving figure of a girl standing above me. _"Call the doctor!"_

I continued to choke on the air, afraid it would deliver more pain, clenching my fists so hard my nails broke the skin on the inside of my hands.

 _"Clove, it's okay!"_ I heard the same person say to me. _"You're gonna be fine!"_

More people showed up out of the blue and I saw them fussing around me, but I couldn't really tell what they were doing. Before long, I was out again. The blackness surrounded me once more and it just felt so peaceful. _So quiet._ I couldn't really feel anything. I couldn't remember anything. It was blissful. Sooner or later, though...

 _... you always have to wake up._

The next time my eyes opened, I was able to take a deep breath without making my body scream in pain. Glancing down at my arm I saw a wire coming out of my vein and leading to the IV that stood right beside the hospital bed. I was also able to make out Johanna's concerned face, as she moved her chair closer to me with bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks. I didn't want to ask her. I was so afraid of asking her, but I knew I had to... sooner or later.

 _"What happened?"_

My voice didn't sound like me. It was a voice of the _old_ me; that broken, little girl who I hated so much. Jo gave me a teary look as if asking me not to make her do this. She didn't look like herself, either. Excluding a few scratches on her collarbone and neck, physically she seemed just fine. She licked her dry, chipped lips and took a breath before looking me in the eyes. _"Cato and Finnick are in surgery."_

I felt vomit literally make its way up my throat, as soon as those words left her mouth. I pulled my body to the other side of the bed and puked on the floor, choking and shivering. Johanna came running immediately, her hands trying to keep me steady as I continued vomiting. She turned her face away, but before she did I could see tears marking her cheeks. Was there something she was not telling me? _How bad was it?_

Without glancing at me, she handed me a bunch of tissues from the windowsill and I cleaned myself up a little, knowing it was time to compose myself and get all the answers. "What... happened?" I asked again. She stayed quiet. _"Johanna,"_

Finally, she looked at me again, not caring much to hide her tears anymore. She waited for another minute or so and then in a small voice that was so unlike her, she said: "They must have heard us back there, so they sent a few guards. They started shooting at us. I saw... I saw Finnick pushing you off the stairs right before he got shot. He landed right beside you and that's when Cato tried to get to you," she paused, squeezing her eyes shut. "But he got shot halfway there and collapsed on the ground."

I swallowed hard, tears filling my eyes despite all of my attempts to hold them back. And I just waited. Waited to hear the rest of it.

"We began shooting at them so that we could get the three of you back to the van. But you and Finnick were unconscious. And Cato couldn't even walk. He got shot twice, in his leg and abdomen."

 _"How..."_ I choked out. "How is he doing.. _now?"_

Johanna wiped her cheeks hastily and shook her head. "I'm not sure... Clove, we were an hour and a half away from the end of Purge. We tried our best to stop the bleeding, but-"

I closed my eyes, feeling nauseous all over again. Cato and Finnick got shot. They couldn't stop the bleeding. _For an hour and a half, they just tried to stop the bleeding._

"How long have they been in surgery?" I decided to ask a more technical question since it didn't seem like Johanna had any solid answers.

"We got here around 6:30 and they admitted you guys at 7 a.m. sharp... It's 11 now," she whispered.

"And what's wrong with _me?"_ I questioned her more for whatever reason because I really did not care.

"You have fractured your wrist and took a really bad fall, so they were worried about internal bleeding, but they've checked you thoroughly and you seem fine. They gave you some morphine for the pain,"

"Can I get out of this bed then?"

"I don't know-"

"What _DO_ you know?" I snapped before I could stop myself. Johanna pulled back from me with wide eyes, only half-surprised by my attitude. She didn't get the chance to respond, though. Gale chose that particular moment to show up in the doorway, his pale face regaining some colors when he saw me awake. Ignoring the awkwardness he walked in on, he took a few shaky steps to my hospital bed and held me in his arms gently, careful not to hurt me.

I stayed in his embrace for a little while, my eyes wide and blank as if I didn't feel anything. _As if I didn't care._

An hour later, without seeking a permission from my doctor, I sneaked out to Cato's room.

I dreaded the moment he would wake up. As much as I wanted him to, as much as I feared he wouldn't, I still was scared of the moment I'd have to look him in the eyes and not only tell him what was going on with his best friend, but also tell him just how much I hated him for what had happened to us. Gale had been right all along. This was not a protest against the system that for years have been killing American citizens with impunity. This was no act of bravery from young high-schoolers. This whole thing that Cato had created was just one thing and one thing only: _stupid._ I didn't know how I hadn't realized that earlier. I didn't know how I could ever find it so _righteous_ and exciting. How could that ever deliver any adrenaline? How could I do it twice?

I didn't know how long it had been since the last time I felt this way about the guy lying in front of me. I didn't want to feel that way, but my thoughts were so intense I was not able to stop them anymore. I was in pain and in shock and I didn't care much for whatever excuse he would come up with.

 _Finnick was dying._

That was all that I could think of. Finnick was hanging by a thread; the doctors gave him a few percent chance of survival. If his organs started failing now, there would be no turning back. They'd have to take him off life support. If that didn't happen, we were still looking at weeks or months of him hooked up to the machines in a coma, unlikely to ever wake up from it and even if he did, the chances of him being the way he used to be, were slim. The chances of him waking up and recovering fully were, say, as possible as me forgiving Cato when he wakes up; close to zero.

It took hours, but once my eyes started closing despite my attempts to stay awake, I heard him grunt under his breath. I sat up straight in my chair, swallowing hard, both happy and scared seeing him finally come back to life. As I looked at his pained face, I knew I couldn't fool myself that I didn't care for him. That I actually hated him. That I would never be able to forgive him.

Slowly, his eyes opened just to squint right afterward, due to the bright light that sun was forcing into the room through the hospital window. I could tell he was hurting. I could tell he wasn't sure where he was.

Choking back a sniff, I reached out and grabbed his hand, knowing he'd recognize my touch. His features relaxed when he felt me and I bit my bottom lip to stop it from quivering. He was alive. That really was all that mattered. _He was back._

"Hey," I choked out, squeezing his fingers. _"It's Clove."_

"I know it's you," he whispered weakly before finally managing to fully open his eyes. I almost looked away, because I couldn't stand the horror that was filling those blue eyes of his as he glanced at me. "How bad is it?"

I decided to give him a moment with me; a calm and peaceful minute that he could hopefully take comfort in. Before all hell breaks loose. I let go of his hand and placed my fingers on his cheek, leaning slightly forward to be closer to him for that one blissful minute when I tried to forget how much I wanted to yell in his face. He studied me carefully, noticing the bandage around my wrist and some more dressings on my neck and arms, the bruises on my collarbone and scratches on my cheeks. His face grew even sadder, as he noticed the state I was in. How little he knew… _How much he had yet to find out…_

"I'm _so_ sorry," he choked out, tears pooling in those beautiful, cold eyes of his. _"Clove, I am so sorry-"_

"Shh," I hushed him, stroking his hair. I didn't want to hear his apology. _I had no use for it._ "Cato, listen to me," I said in a slightly shaking voice, pulling back, my hand removing the comfort it was giving him. "Things are worse than you think. _Much worse."_

His face paled instantly, making me wonder how much he actually remembered from what happened. "How's the rest of our team? Is Johanna okay?" he asked me hastily, his lips trembling as he spoke. There was dead silence between us for a while, before he finally said it, "It's Finnick… _isn't it?"_

The lack of response was an answer enough for him. He sucked in a breath as he struggled to sit up, wincing in the process. But I didn't move to help him. "Clove," he whispered, his voice sounding like it was seconds from breaking down. _"Please,"_ his eyes begged me to say something. Anything. "Just… _just tell me."_

"Finnick is _dying,_ Cato," I said, the tone of my voice colder than I had expected it would be. "His heart stopped several times on the operating table and he is now in a coma, unlikely to ever wake up." I told him and without giving him a second to recover from that, I mercilessly continued: "Your best friend was shot in the chest because he was trying so hard not to disappoint you. Because he wouldn't let go. Because he was determined to finish his job. A job that probably cost him his _life."_

I had no idea where all those hateful words were coming from. I didn't know why I found it so incredibly hard to just be happy that Cato was alive and well. To be thankful it wasn't him also in a coma. But as the memory of Finnick's smiling face crossed my mind, I found myself falling into that endless bitterness more and more. "Finnick literally shielded me from the bullets, getting shot himself instead and yet he still covered me from the explosion YOU could have stopped."

"Clove, you _know_ I couldn't do anything. Once you put that device into motion, it takes a long time to-"

"You could have done _something!"_ I finally cracked, getting on my feet. "It was all YOUR idea! It was YOUR plan! _You_ were in charge of all that! And yet when we were being shot at, when Finnick took a fucking _BULLET_ for me when he covered me with his own broken body… where were _YOU!?"_

Cato looked as if I just shot him in the heart, sitting there all breathless and speechless, which only made me angrier and angrier. How dared he look so innocent? How dared he not say anything? How dared he stare at me like I was out of line?

"Finnick… has always been there for me when you weren't. _Always._ All those times you acted like a dick for a stupid reason, it was HIM that stood by me. It was HIM that I could count on. When I had no one, at least I knew he was there." I spat out, clenching my shaking fists, making my knuckles turn white. "And he was there last night to protect me. He was there to save my life. He was there," I rubbed it all in, even more, watching his frozen, devastated expression. _"Where were YOU?"_

He still said nothing, just watching me in utter shock, regret painted on his face. But he had no more words for me. No more 'sorry's'. No more "'I couldn't do anything's'. He just sat there, trembling from pain and I could no longer tell if it was his injuries that were hurting him or his heart.

I didn't know if I meant all of what I just let myself shout out. But I cared so little. The rage I felt was white hot and it was burning inside of me. I didn't want to look at him. I wanted to be as far away from those blue eyes of his as possible.

Without another word, I spun around and left him alone to digest the horrors he had woken up to.

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _12:05 a.m._  
 _Time remaining: 00:06:54:41_

I was sitting with my back pressed against the cold wall behind me, my eyes closed as I tried to compose myself before going back to the rest. I wasn't doing a very good job with that so far; my hands were still slightly shaking and my heart kept pumping out blood like crazy.

 _Breathe_. I told myself. But my body wouldn't listen.

"Hey."

My eyes opened wide at the sound of his voice, but I said nothing when he sat down beside me, his arm brushing mine and that certainly didn't help calm my heartbeat. "Are you okay?" he asked me softly and I worked up the guts to look at him.

"Yeah," I whispered with a weak nod. "How's Gale?"

"I disinfected and dressed his wound, then gave him some pain killers. I think he'll be alright."

I licked my dry lips, feeling rather at a loss for words. _"Thank you.."_ I said, hoping he'll know just how much I meant it. Words, all of a sudden, seemed to lack any value for me. "Are, um..." I paused, feeling a large lump tightening my throat. Afraid I'd break into tears any second, I swallowed hard and looked away. "Are _you_ okay?"

I sensed his laser focused gaze on my face but dared not looking him in the eyes. It seemed like it took him hours to respond;

"I'm all right, Clove." he tried assuring me, but I knew better. None of us were all right. We were, in fact, as far from all right as humanly possible. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Of course I do," I argued, still incapable of facing him. _"I always do."_

He didn't say anything for a long while and we were surrounded by this blissful silence for a few beautiful minutes. I couldn't remember the last time that we sat like that together in a comfortable silence. Without speaking or passive aggressive looks when the other was facing away. "I never stopped worrying about you either," Cato said suddenly, making me finally glance at him with my shiny eyes.

"I know." I nodded because I _did_ know. I knew he'd been watching me for all those past months we didn't speak to each other. I knew he'd been checking in with Johanna to make sure I was holding up alright. I decided to keep that a secret, though. "I've missed you so... _so much,"_ I whispered, making my eyes fill up with hot, unwanted tears. He stared at me, shocked to the core, not expecting a confession of that sort from me. "I need you to know that I am so _sorry_ for leaving you alone when you needed me the most. And if I die tonight-"

 _"Hey,"_ he cut me off, placing his hand on my cheek firmly, "You... are _not_ going to die tonight, Clove," he told me as if it was up to him and him only. _"You're not dying tonight._ You hear me?"

I shook my head, trying to get away from his touch because it was all too much, but he refused to let me go. "You're _not_ gonna die, little girl," he whispered softly, looking straight into my eyes and I felt warmth gradually replacing the fear I've been paralyzed with. "I won't let anything happen to you. _You have my word."_

Tears rolled down my numb cheeks and he brushed them away gently with his hands. "You're gonna be okay, I promise you."

"What about _you?_ And Gale and Jo?" I choked out. "I _can't_ lose you guys, too..."

"You _won't,"_ he vowed again, pulling me into a hug. "We'll be alright, okay? _We can survive this."_

I nodded against his chest and let him hold me like that for a minute before I decided to carry on with the one thing I've been pushing to the back of my mind ever since Finnick died. Something that needed to be said before the Purge takes that chance away.

 _"When my dad died,"_ I whispered and immediately felt him tense up. I couldn't blame him; I've never spoken about my dad before. It was a taboo subject and he was well aware of that "when he died, my mom went crazy. I don't mean depressed and grieving kind of crazy... I mean she went _bonkers."_ I sensed Cato frown in confusion, but I didn't think I had the courage to finish my story if I had to look him in the eyes. His steadily breathing chest and strong arms wrapped around me weak form were giving me the comfort I needed to be able to carry on. "For months, I was the one that had to take care of my little brother. Make sure there was food on the table. Make sure he had clothes to wear. Make sure he was safe while my mom was popping prescription pills in the bedroom and she'd go days without stepping outside. There were times I had to go and check if she was even alive because all she did was take drugs and drink alcohol with my fucking two-year-old brother in the next room."

Cato's grip on me tightened significantly and I knew he could not believe his ears. And that he probably wanted me to stop. But this had to be said.

"I was handling it. At least... _I thought I was._ Until one day she pushed Jakie on the wall, giving him a concussion." I swallowed hard and tasted more tears. _"Because he wouldn't stop crying for his daddy."_

"Oh my _God,"_ Cato whispered, resting his cheek on top of my head for comfort.

"You're probably wonderin' how it's possible that my mom didn't lose custody over Jakie," I continued, feeling anger filling me up like hot lava. "She didn't because I lied. _I lied_ for _her._ I told the doctors he fell at the playground and that it was _my_ fault. I lied because I wanted to believe so badly that she'd get better."

"And she did..." Cato murmured and I nodded.

"Yeah... but she wouldn't have, had I not decided to have her admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She was steps away from dying herself by the time they took her away and Jakie was sent to my dad's family in Canada. But there was no room for me, so they placed me in a foster home. When that didn't work out, they realized my mom had an even crazier sister and decided it'd do me some good if I ended up living with her for two years. Turned out she was the spitting image of my mother; except that she was that way because she didn't give a _shit,_ whereas my mom suffered a mental breakdown because she had lost someone she loved more than anyone else in the world. _More than her own kids, too..."_

I spent a lifetime trying to come to terms with it... The fact my own mother loved me less than a mom should. There were times I hated her for that deeply. But my dad was such an amazing man that I found it hard to blame her for it.

"I _couldn't_ do this again, Cato." I choked out, as I continued. "I couldn't be there for you seeing how broken you were. I cou _l_ dn't be the person to pick up the pieces and make sure they stay in place. I couldn't go through that again. I needed to feel _something;_ I _needed_ to be able to grieve the way I should have when I lost my dad. But I couldn't because I had my little brother to take care of. Because no one else was going to do that for me. But when Finn died... it was _just me_ , Cato. My mom was still away at that time and Jake was safe. It was just me and I _needed_ it to be just me. I desperately needed to have the chance to mourn. The chance that was taken away from me that last time. I couldn't shut everything out again, it'd have _killed_ me. It would have eaten me from the inside... I couldn't let you do to me what my mom had done. I would have ended up hating you like I still hate her for what she's put Jake and me through."

There was silence for a few, dreadful moments, filled with heavy sorrow and uncertainty. What was there to say? What could he possibly say in response to that?

" _I thought you already hated me..."_ Cato whispered into my hair. I pushed away from him to be able to look at him. Words couldn't describe how much love and affection I saw in his eyes in that moment. We should have had that conversation a long time ago. We should have played things out differently. But people are stupid. That's right, I said it. We are a special kind of dumb at times; we don't learn from our mistakes. We take things for granted. We are incapable of appreciating the people and things we were blessed with. Until we are steps away from _'too late'._

"I never hated you," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. _"I could never hate you."_

* * *

 _March 25, 2022_  
 _12:38p.m._

I walked down the hospital hall that was, now, way too familiar for me, it was almost painful; like I've been living here for a while. I had gone home last night to get some sleep and little did I know I really did need it. I was secretly grateful to Cato for asking Johanna to stay with Finnick so I could get some proper rest. Of course, all I dreamed of was horrifying nightmares filled with the blood of those I loved and deeply cared for. But even despite that, when I woke up almost 12 hours later, I felt significantly better; physically anyway. I didn't think there was anything that could make me feel better emotionally. Finnick was still dying and the call I had received from Johanna, that had put me out of sleep, just made me panic even worse. She refused to give me any details over the phone, just asked me to come to the hospital as soon as possible. So I got dressed and within five minutes I was already running out the door.

I saw Jo sitting by Finnick's room in the company of the one person I really didn't want to be around. But he was there, looking like he hadn't slept in a week. What I did notice was that he was no longer hooked up to the IV and was wearing a reasonable outfit instead of that ridiculous hospital gown. I could tell he has still not been discharged due to cannulas still plastered to the middle of both of his arms.

As soon as he saw me coming toward them, his face changed colors. He looked down to the floor, unable to meet my eyes and I couldn't blame him. _I was trying to avoid his at all costs, too._

"What's happening?" I gasped when I finally reached them. Johanna shook her head as if to let me know nothing had taken a turn for the worse.

"The doctor called us to his office," she explained, standing up. "He wants to talk to us about Finn."

 _"Why?"_ I choked out, not liking the sound of that.

"I don't know," she sighed. "Cato figured that you'd want to be here for that, though, so I called you."

I swallowed, trying to moisten my dry throat and stop the horrible itching. I glanced at Cato, who still refused to return the favor. I watched him for a brief moment, debating with myself whether I should say something to him or just keep my mouth zipped. "Ok," I finally whispered. _"Let's go then."_

Nothing else was said. We walked side by side to Finn's doctor's office, silence filling the air between us. A nurse let us in and told us to take seats and that he would be right with us. We waited for about ten minutes, unwilling to make any kind of small talk. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Cato and Johanna exchanged looks a few times, but I decided it was best to ignore that. I sat to Cato's right, feeling rather stuck. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body and all my heart was telling me to do was to hold him. _God, how I missed that-_

"Good afternoon, guys," doctor Grant greeted us, closing the door behind him and snapping me out of my wishful and hopeless dreams. "How you all doing?"

"Fine," Cato responded dismissively; I knew he really wanted to know what was so urgent. Maybe, just like me, he was expecting a bit of good news for a change. "Why are we here?"

Doctor Grant sat in his chair in front of us and clasped his hands together, an uneasy look on his face that I really didn't want to try and interpret on my own. "As I am sure you've already figured out, it's about my patient and your friend, Mr Oddair," he began, making all of us sit up straight, trying to prepare for whatever was to come. "It seems as though time has come to discuss the next step in his treatment. We've found Finnick's entire medical history and it's very clear to us that he had picked the person that would be allowed to make decisions should it was ever necessary," he continued and I was close to telling him to just make his point already, instead of going around it in circles. "Finnick has undergone a very difficult surgery during which his heart stopped beating four times, he has been given a blood transfusion, but he never really stabilized ever since."

"What are you trying to tell us?" Johanna finally asked what all of us had on our minds. Doctor Grant let out a heavy breath as if bracing himself for the bed news he had to deliver.

"I'm afraid there is little to no brain activity," he whispered, almost as if he was afraid saying it louder would hurt us more. But there was nothing that could possibly hurt us more. We were already in excruciating pain. "I am _very_ sorry, but it seems to us that his chances of recovery are almost non-existent at this point."

I sat there, trying to block out his voice that sounded so distant in my ears; like it was a dream. _Like this wasn't actually happening._

"He picked you, Cato, for his emergency contact, did you know that?"

Johanna and I both glanced at him and I was amazed at how well he was able to keep himself together. "Yes," he croaked. _"Yes, I did."_

"We have tried calling his uncle, but we were unable to reach him and we feel time is an important factor here." He carried on, giving Cato something that he probably considered a comforting look. "It is up to _you_ what happens next. Have you ever talked to him about extraordinary measures? Do you know what he would wish for you to decide?"

I couldn't breathe. Not only did Finnick end up like this because of Cato's brilliant idea, but now he was the one to decide what the doctors would do next to help him? How could he know, anyway? Wasn't it doctors' job to decide their patient's treatment?

 _"Ninety days. "_

I froze. My lips parted as I looked at Cato in disbelief, wishing for a way I could rewind five seconds back because I couldn't have heard him correctly.

 _"What?"_ I choked out, but he didn't look at me.

"Ninety days," he repeated louder now, making the blood in my veins turn ice cold. "Starting today. Ninety days and if his condition doesn't get any better," he paused and I saw his Adam's apple quivering as he swallowed hard. _"… unplug him."_

Tears blurred my vision, as I continued to stare at Cato, more disappointed in him than I have ever been. "What are you _saying?"_ I whispered tearfully, making him finally glance at me. "You _can't_ just do that-"

"Clove, you heard the doctor," he tried to reason with me. "He will never wake up-"

"You don't _know_ that!" I insisted. Johanna stared at me with wide eyes, apparently at a loss for words. "You _can't_ just give up on him, we have to have _hope-"_

"Hope for _what!?"_ Cato snapped, his cheeks turning flushed, his eyes red and teary. "In the best case scenario, he will wake up mentally or physically disabled, unable to walk by himself, eat by himself, is that what you want for him?"

"I want him to _live!"_ I barked, tears of anger and sorrow marking my cold cheeks. "I want to believe he'll get better! He can _still_ wake up, people DO wake up!"

"Can you just put your emotions aside for _once_ in your life and see the bigger picture?"

"And _what_ bigger picture is that!? You _killing_ him!?"

Cato moved back, blinking fast as those hateful words slipped through my lips so very easily. I almost looked shocked myself that I actually said that. It was too late to take it back now. Dead silence filled the room as Cato and I stared at each other with a mixture of helplessness and despise.

"That's what he would want," he whispered after what seemed like forever and I laughed coldly.

"How can _you_ know what he would-"

"Because I'm his _BEST_ friend!" Cato yelled, now making _me_ pull back, more tears falling down my face and disappearing in the mass of my tangled hair. "Because I'm his _brother!_ His whole _family!_ Because I grew up with him and he would NOT want that!" he pointed to the door as if Finnick was lying right behind it, hooked up to all those loud machines that have been keeping him alive for days now. "Don't you think we talked about this?" he asked, trying to calm his voice. "Think we were just going Purging without ever mentioning what should happen if one of us ended up like this?" he snapped, an ugly grimace covering his face. "There is a _reason_ I'm his emergency contact. He _knew_ I'd do what he wished for."

I never thought my heart could ever ache so much. I had never allowed myself to feel the loss of my dad before because I couldn't afford to. I wasn't given that opportunity. I would never have thought that it was for the best; _not to feel all this._

"Here is the paperwork," doctor Grant said carefully, reminding us he was still there, watching and listening to every yell that just filled this dead air in his office. _"You have to sign at the bottom."_

Cato glanced down at it and stared for a good two minutes or more, probably sensing my eyes on him the entire time. Slowly he reached for the paper and the pen that he squeezed in his trembling fingers. And then he just did it. Just like that, _he signed it._ I watched him write his name on Finnick's death sentence and it hurt more and more with every letter he scribbled.

"He said _'thirty days'_ ," Cato whispered, as he put the pen down, staring at his signature dreadfully. "He told me not to let him rot in bed, hooked up to the machines for longer than _thirty days_. I'm giving him ninety. He would kick my ass if he-"

 _"If he woke up?"_ I cut him off, glaring at his profile with unstoppable tears flowing down my cheeks. "Guess that'll never happen. _Congratulations,_ your ass will be just fine." I spat my last bitter words, before pushing the chair back, making lots of screeching noise, as I stood up. Ignoring Johanna's absolutely stunned face, I got the hell out of that office.

Far away from Cato.

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _02:13 a.m._  
 _Time remaining: 00:04:46:35_

I wasn't sure what snapped me out of the many nightmares I was dreaming, snuggled up to Cato's side as we sat there together in the back of the store. I wasn't sure if it was just my instinct kicking in, or if I sensed something threatening was coming our way. I wasn't sure if it was Cato shaking my shoulder or that familiar, dangerous sound of the truck closing its distance with our location.

"Clove," I heard Cato's voice loud and clear now. _"Get up."_

I pulled away from him and he took my hand gently and helped me up, just as Johanna came running toward us, gun at the ready. "They've found us, _we gotta get,_ " she whispered in a hurry and we didn't hesitate to follow her. I made my way to Gale quickly and grabbed his healthy arm, squeezing it a bit too hard.

"You okay?" I asked and he nodded reassuringly.

"Let's go," Cato whispered, motioning with his head to the back exit we had entered through. We knew we had a maximum of thirty seconds before the soldiers surround the entire building. So as quietly and as quickly as we could, we ran to the back door. Cato punched in the code again and walked outside first, frantically looking around. He then nodded to Johanna letting her know it was clear. She joined him outside and immediately began heading to the wall that separated the alley from another's building backyard. I saw her climb it nimbly and when she was at the top, she nodded at me and Gale.

I glanced at my best friend before we both walked outside. As I was about to push past Cato, he grabbed a hold of my arm and looked me deep in my scared, dark eyes. "Do _not_ wait for me, you hear me?" he whispered, making my heart drop the very bottom of my stomach. "Once you're on the other side of this wall, you run as fast as you can and _do not stop_ , do you understand?"

I heard footsteps approaching us. I didn't have a choice. As much as it hurt me, I nodded and sent him one last tearful look, as I squeezed his hand, praying it wasn't our last goodbye. I ran after Gale who managed to make it to the top of the wall with Johanna's help. He then reached for me and within a few seconds I was already with him on the other side and Johanna was crossing the backyard and heading toward the next alley. I threw one last desperate glance up at the wall, hoping to see Cato crawling his way over it, but he wasn't there.

"Come on," Gale whispered, taking my hand and pulling me along. Had I known how much further we would make it, I would have fought Gale harder to stay put and wait for Cato. _But how could I know?_

We ran after Johanna and as soon as we stepped into the alley, I felt a dull, blinding pain hit me out of nowhere on the back of my head.

And then there was darkness. And nothing, _but_ darkness. And I was stuck in it, hoping I would never wake up, yet knowing at the same time that sooner or later...

 _... I will._

* * *

 **A/N: I know... it has been forever. I sincerely apologize, but I'm sure that those of you who also write fanfictions know that sometimes it seems impossible to write more than a sentence at a time.. Fortunately, though, it appears that my inspiration is back and thus I was able to give you the longest chapter yet! Nearly 14,000 words, people! :) I already have a bunch of scraps written and waiting for furture chapters, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed I will be able to update again soon! I really, really hope that you liked it and would appreciate it so much if you could let me know what you think!**


	11. Contempt

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to the wonderful _Bellicose Blue_** **as it is entirely thanks to her I was inspired to update again so soon (I believe one month is quite soon if we go by my standards :P).  
**

 **Belle \- thank you SO much for all your lovely messages and reviews, I appreciate each and every one of them more than I can say!**

 **Belle** is also a fantastic writer so go check out her stories, you won't be sorry! :)

 **Guest \- ** thank you so very much! So happy you've been enjoying both of my stories and I hope I can keep you interested moving forward. I really appreciate your wonderful review, thanks so much! Hope you like this chapter! :)

* * *

 _"All that you rely on and all that you can fake  
will leave you in the morning...  
but find you in the day.  
Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out...  
Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth...  
Oh, you run away cause I am not what you found...  
Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out...  
Everything will change... nothing stays the same.  
Nobody here's perfect... oh, but everyone's to blame."_

 _~ Andrew Belle "In my veins"_

* * *

 **Chapter 11: "Contempt"**

 _January 5, 2022  
8:32p.m._

I could hardly believe the excitement I felt while standing in Cato's kitchen, cooking and waiting for him to get back from work. Today, according to _him_ anyway, it has been exactly one year since he first approached me with that thrilling offer of his. I would have never thought that I would end up with a guy like him. Life has a million ways of surprising you. This was surely one of them.

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of somebody unlocking the front door and I instantly perked up even more. I glanced up expecting for my eyes to meet his, smiling right back at me but instead, they were met with Finnick's. He walked into the living room, a mildly surprised look on his face, as he put his bag down.

"Hi there Princess,"

"Oh, it's you,"

"Yeah, it's _me,"_ Finn drawled. "I _live_ here," he added, smirking. I just shook my head with a smile, dismissing his comment. "What up, Clove girl?"

"Not much, just waiting on Cato to get here."

"What'cha doing?" he asked curiously, coming closer. "You cooking?"

"Yep," I nodded. "I'm making sushi."

Finnick's eyes widened. " _No way_. I didn't know you were such a talented little cook, Princess."

I let out a brief laugh."Yeah well, today's our _'anniversary'_ ," I mocked the word, drawing invisible quotation marks in the air with my fingers to which he responded with a smirk. "Cato's been talking about taking me out to dinner to this Japanese restaurant, but he's been working his ass off lately and I don't want him to spend a bunch of money so we can sit at a table for twenty minutes with overpriced sushi rolls and people everywhere around us," I explained, slicing my fresh salmon into thin pieces. "So I took some cash from my aunt and bought all these ingredients. We can have fancy Japanese food right here."

"Won't she be mad?" Finnick asked, stealing a piece of cucumber I had cut up earlier.

"I don't think she'll notice," I murmured, glancing down.

"Really? She that loaded?" he questioned me, raising his eyebrows and before I knew it, an answer to that question flew right out of my mouth;

 _"No, just drunk."_

The mood changed instantly; I stopped what I was doing and stood there frozen, sensing Finnick's confused and uncomfortable gaze on me. It seemed like a good five minutes passed before I worked up the courage to say something again; _"Sorry,"_ I whispered. "I didn't actually mean to burden you with that-"

 _"Clove,"_ he cut me off, making me look up. "It's okay. Did you think I haven't realized on my own that things aren't well at your house?"

"You _have?"_ I choked out, a fast growing lump forming in my throat. I hated it when people would ask me questions about my family, so to find out that someone had already figured it out was very embarrassing for me, to say the least. I was almost ashamed.

"Look," he sighed, bending slightly so he could rest his elbow on the kitchen counter. "I know I may come off as arrogant and crass sometimes," he paused before smirking at me. "Ok, _all the time_."

I chuckled, despite myself.

 _"But,"_ he said holding up a finger. "I see you, Clove. I notice things. I've known about this longer than you might think."

"Did someone... _say something?"_

"Clove, my point is that they didn't _have to_ ," he smiled warmly. _"You_ didn't have to say anything. My point is," he paused almost dramatically. " _I see you_."

I really didn't know how to feel about his confession. It wasn't like I didn't know that he cared about me. I've known for a while. We have been quite close for months. But he was still just a guy, a quite popular one who spent half his time teasing and flirting with girls at school, _including_ me. People don't give each other enough credit and Finnick was a perfect example.

"Thanks, Finn," I whispered, sending him a smile. "That means a lot."

"Don't thank me. You're not just Cato's girlfriend to me, Clove," he said, grabbing another cucumber piece. "You're a friend. A quite decent one," he added with a smirk and I just shook my head again, chuckling. He sure could make me laugh an awful lot.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," I confessed truthfully. Finnick was a very unexpected friend I was very happy to have around. Just like Johanna. Just like Cato was a very unexpected boyfriend. I sure was not complaining, though.

"This sushi looks _fab,_ girl! You're too good for Cato, life ain't fair." Finnick changed the subject smoothly, winking at me and I laughed. That was when I realized we were being watched.

My eyes met Cato's as he stood in the living room with a backpack hanging loosely from his shoulder. I didn't even hear him come in.

"Hey!" I greeted him with a smile. "You're home early."

Cato's face wore a rather uneasy expression as he stared at me with furrowed eyebrows; he looked fairly confused. Finnick glanced over his shoulder at his best friend and waved his hand as a kind of greeting. "What's up, man?"

He still said nothing, just threw his backpack on the couch, clearly irritated with something. "Are you okay?" I questioned, getting slightly worried. He was acting really odd.

"I'm fine," he snapped and I frowned. _What was his problem?_ "What are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming,"

"That's because it's a _surprise,_ Sherlock," Finnick mocked him. "I'll leave you two alone, have a good night," he said winking at me once more before going into his room and closing the door behind him. I glanced at Cato again whose face still looked like he'd just drunk a bottle of super sour lemon juice.

"I'm sorry," I murmured stupidly, though I wasn't exactly sure what I was apologizing for. "I wanted to get all this ready before you get here."

" _Clove, I-_ " he paused, his expression changing from somewhat angry to tired. "I'm exhausted, I had a very long day."

I stood there with my hands frozen above the cutting tray and I just stared at him, completely at a loss for words. Involuntarily, my fingers squeezed the handle of the knife I was holding and I swallowed hard, not sure what to say or how to behave. Here I was, making a surprise, fancy dinner for him and he just wanted me to leave? _"Oh..."_

Cato kept quiet for a little while before letting out a heavy breath and coming closer to the counter. He glanced down to my hands and instantly his eyes softened and his face relaxed. "You're making sushi?"

I licked my lips and looked down. "Yeah," I whispered. "You said you wanted to go to that Japanese restaurant downtown, so I thought I'd make some food myself and we could eat here instead," I explained, trying to stop my hands from shaking. "Thought it'd save you some money."

At this point, the atmosphere took a sharp turn straight to awkward. I looked up and saw him run a hand through his hair tiredly before he sighed;

"I'm gonna go change," he announced, avoiding looking me in the eyes. He turned around and took a few steps towards his room before stopping suddenly. Once he spun around to face me again, he looked almost contained, like his normal self again. It was a bit frightening. _"Sorry,"_ he apologized almost incomprehensibly yet sounding quite remorseful. "I just had a bad day. I didn't mean to be a jerk,"

I gave him a tight nod in response. "It's okay," I whispered. "I can leave, you should get some sleep."

 _"No,"_ he refused my idea firmly. "Don't go. We can watch a movie and have dinner and you can just stay here for the night. How's that?"

I stared at him, completely lost. I knew that Cato was sort of popular for his frequent mood swings, but rarely did he act this way towards _me._ I didn't know how to feel about this sudden change of behavior. "Ok," I drawled, narrowing my eyes at him. "Sounds good."

For another minute, Cato looked as if he was struggling with his inner voices and whether he wanted to walk away or not. Eventually, he walked up to me and placing his large hand on my cheek he brought my lips to his for a soft kiss. I stood there, unmoving and baffled, my hands still on the counter, one of them holding the knife. He pulled away from me slightly to look me in the eyes, his own begging me to accept his silent apology. But I still just stood there, frozen. His hand fell from my face and stopped limply at his side, his face defeated and resigned. I felt a pang of guilt as he moved to walk away, so I reached for him before he could. I placed my hands on _his_ cheeks this time, the knife still there, now by his left ear, as I went on tiptoes to be able to kiss him. He was happy to respond and we stayed like that for a minute or two, just making out before I pulled back and he realized I'd had that sharp blade of mine close to his face the entire time. He glanced at it before landing his eyes on my innocent smile. "You scare me sometimes, you know that?"

"My tiny little self?" I gasped with a hand across my chest, faking shock. " _No way_ ,"

"Yeah, it's in your eyes, feisty," he laughed. "Put that knife away or I'll _scream."_

I snickered and did as he asked, before turning to him for one more proper kiss. "What's there to be scared of, Cato?" I asked. "I mean, look at you. You could break me within seconds if you wanted to."

"But see, little girl," he brushed a few strands of hair away from my face. "That's the thing. _I couldn't hurt you if my **life** depended on it._ "

My eyes softened instantly as every little bit of anger I may have felt moments ago evaporated. _Damn this guy._ He knew exactly how to get back in my good graces. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. "Really now?"

He smiled. _"Really,"_ he assured me, pecking my lips softly once more.

"Even if I were a crazy, blood-thirsty killer hunting the streets during Purge?" I questioned with a smirk, making him chuckle.

" _Even then_ ," he rasped. "I would just make a run for it, screaming my head off. You're _that_ scary,"

I shook my head with a laugh, pushing him away from me slightly. "Just go get changed and I'll finish making these,"

"Okay," he agreed, wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing the side of my head. "I'll be right back."

I nodded, smiling up at him before letting him walk away to his room. _As he disappeared, the smile on my face somewhat faded._

* * *

 _June 27, 2022_  
 _11:32a.m._

I gazed at my reflection in the mirror; that hollow look in my dark eyes as I tried to recognize the person in front of me. I had lost every little trace of fierceness and fervor that I used to have once upon a time. I had once again become the person back from when my dad died. When my mom had done everything possible to fail at helping me and Jakie get over that tragedy. When I could barely function. And even if I managed to forget for a while, every night I'd dream yet another reminder of what had happened to me. To _us._

" _Hey you_ ," his soft voice rang in my ears like a soothing melody. I looked at his reflection coming up behind me and forced a weak smile.

"Hi," I whispered, smoothing out the blouse on my stomach.

"Are you ready?" he asked and I noticed car keys in his hand, letting me know he was all set to go. I forced another smile, even weaker than the first one.

"Not really, but it's not like I have a choice," I whispered, licking my dry lips and rubbing my tired eyelids.

"You can do it, Clove," he assured me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I'll be there with you the entire time."

"Thank you, Gale," I muttered, turning around to face him. _"Let's go."_

And so we did. I got into his cousin's car and we drove. I rested my forehead against the cold window and watched as we passed all the buildings by and all those people who were just trying to go about their day. Who had nothing nearly as traumatizing to encounter. I looked away, feeling sick and put a hand on my stomach with a grimace forming on my face.

"You okay?" Gale asked, throwing me a quick, concerned glance. "Need me to pull over?"

"No," I responded quickly. "I just wish it was over already."

He put his hand over mine and nodded. "I know," he whispered. There was not much more to be said. He continued to hold my hand for the rest of the ride until we made it to our destination. I watched all the dark figures making their way to a place I was afraid I didn't have the stomach to be part of. But there was no choice. Gale and I followed the others, side by side, and with every step, I felt my stomach turning and twisting a bit more intensively. I swallowed hard to try and stop myself from puking right then and there and Gale wrapped his arm around me like he was scared I'd pass out any second now. Eventually, we joined the crowd of people standing in the middle of the cemetery and I stared at the tomb in front of us as if the inscribed words were about to change to _"just kidding"._

The ceremony started soon enough and I just stood there, stiff and empty like I wasn't sure what was happening. I listened to everything the priest was saying, but it didn't feel like his words had much meaning. It was just a couple of words he memorized. Something he was saying to people every other day during funerals. But Finnick was not just another person he could describe with identical words he had used hundreds of times before. He was someone special. _To me._

I looked to my left and as soon as I did, I wished I hadn't. Cato was there, looking just as unhealthy and empty as I felt, standing there in a suit with desolation filling his eyes. And if _he_ wasn't enough to make my heart drop to the very bottom of my stomach, holding his hand - _there was Rue._ Little, innocent Rue with tears crawling down her beautiful face. Nausea came back twice as intense as before, but the worst was yet to come. As if on cue, Rue's eyes met mine. I stared at her, torn as to whether there was anything I should do or not. I didn't expect what happened next. Her face scrunched up in pain and she looked so betrayed and disappointed that it literally almost killed me. She didn't give me the chance to react, she simply looked away leaving me with yet another hole in my heart.

It was so hard; coming to terms with her contempt. Rue _loved_ me. She had always treated me like a part of her family. She was always over the moon whenever she'd see me. But I knew better; I knew she was a smart kid. I knew she must have noticed my absence and the state Cato was in and so she put two and two together. And just like that, I was no longer welcome in her family. I couldn't help but think to myself… _that she was right to exclude me._

It seemed like Finnick's funeral had no end. Eventually, after what felt like forever, it was over. I leaned against Gale's arm and he rested his cheek on top of my head, as we both just stared at his grave. People began to leave gradually and I wanted them all to go away. _I needed a minute alone with him._

I sensed, more than saw, Cato standing not too far from me. I couldn't help but glance in his direction. He was watching me with a look of pure sorrow, making my already punctured heart break into pieces. Why did I not have it in me to approach him? Tell him I was sorry? _Be there for him?_ Those were the questions for which I had no answers at that time. Cato must have realized that I wasn't planning on leaving yet and that I wanted to stay with Finn longer so he just gently grabbed a hold of Rue's small hand and led her away from us. From all those graves. _From Finnick._

That horrible, choking pain was all that filled my days ever since that horrible night. I thought maybe after the funeral, I would find a way to come to terms with the fact I had lost an amazing friend. That maybe I'd be able to accept it enough to be able to move on.

 _I was wrong._

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _02:37a.m._  
 _Time remaining: 00:04:22:14_

I woke up with a wince, as a painfilled moan slipped through my chapped lips. I realized that my body was swaying slightly and I was leaning back against something hard and cold. I reached my hand to the back of my head where it hurt and felt something wet and sticky on my fingers. I opened my eyes but at first, I could see nothing. Darkness surrounded me and it took me another minute to recognize the faces around me. _How I wished that I hadn't..._

I let out a tiny gasp as I pulled myself up into more of a sitting position before it finally hit me where I was and what had happened.

 _"Wakey wakey!"_

I glared at the person in front of me, but all he did was smile at me with even more venom than his voice alone contained. I recognized him instantly, although he was no longer wearing a mask. Even if I hadn't actually recognized his voice, I would have still figured out it was him since his nose was red and swollen from Cato's punch. _Jackson._ The leader of the group that Cato had abandoned in order to save my life just a couple of hours ago. It looked like that decision would get us both killed. Because here we were; inside the van I thought I'd been rescued from.

"How'd you sleep?" Jackson continued to tease me from his spot next to Cato on the opposite side of the car. I glanced at him, but he wasn't looking at me. He just sat there, his head turned away from his former partner in crime, his face scrunched up like he was in pain. I looked to the side and my eyes met Gale's, then Johanna's. They were both awake and gazing at me with hopelessness. I swallowed hard and sucked in a breath as the cruel reality finally sinked in;

 _This was it. We were going to die tonight. **All** of us._

"See, Cato?" Jackson said with that sarcastic smirk still present on his wicked face, as he put his arm around Cato's shoulders like they were best friends. "Remember when I told you that chicks are never worth it? _Wasn't I right?"_

I expected Cato to get angry, to push that asshole away and snap something nasty right back at him. But he didn't. He just slowly turned his head to look at me with an apology in his eyes. Even though I was sure he knew there was nothing he could have done.

"How do you know his name?" Johanna asked, out of the blue, shooting daggers at Jackson. "Who the fuck are you?"

I felt a lump growing in my throat when I realized that Cato's secret, which I'd been planning to take to the grave with me, was about to be revealed.

"They don't know, eh?" Jackson laughed, apparently very amused with the entire situation. "Cato, how _rude_ of you! Are you not gonna introduce us to your friends here? Better late than never and you don't have much time left, I'm afraid."

" _Shut up_ ," I hissed at him, desperately trying to save Cato's face. They did not need to find out. _Not like that._ Not when we were on our way to get slaughtered. They wouldn't understand. Not like I did.

 _"Ooh,_ check out the quiet one!" Jackson mocked me shamelessly. "Keep that up and maybe I'll understand why Cato here had foolishly decided to ditch our group to save your fierce ass,"

 _"What?"_ Johanna gasped, staring at Cato like she'd just seen a ghost. "What the _hell_ is he on about?"

"Oh, I'll gladly tell you," Jackson continued, grinning evilly, drawing Jo's attention back to him. "You see, you _clueless_ hostage of mine, Cato is one of _us._ Or _was,_ I should say."

"I said _shut your mouth_!" I yelled, my eyes widening as I was shocked myself that those words had made it out without my permission. Everyone stared at me, looking quite stunned. Well, everyone _but_ Jackson who again just laughed at me. I landed my eyes on Cato who sat there, all resigned and without a trace of hope in his gaze. He just stared at me sadly and shook his head, letting me know it was okay. Silently telling me he did not need me to stand up for him. That it didn't _matter._ I swallowed hard, gaping at him with tears filling my eyes.

"Okay, see _now_ I get it," Jackson snickered, giving Cato a pat on the back. "She's a _feisty_ one!"

Johanna glanced at me as if demanding answers but I just sent her a pleading look, hoping she would get the message. Hoping she'd realize it was _not_ like she thought. That Cato was not a traitor or a liar.

"I think you'll be glad to know that we got a special request for the four of you," Jackson carried on running his mouth, "I surely _am_ since this is all an auction, people. Whoever gives more, _wins._ And tonight we've been offered 10 grand alone for just _her,"_ Jackson said nodding his head in my direction. Everyone stared at me again, Cato's expression changing significantly. I found it so much harder to contain myself all of a sudden as I looked back in Jackson's smirking eyes.

" _Someone really wants to kill you,_ " he sang with a mischevious smile before turning around to talk to the driver. I sat there, my lips parted as I tried to remember how to breathe. _What the hell did he mean?_ I had always known that I wasn't generally popular among certain groups of people; I had been quite an outcast before I met Cato and so I had always been a rather easy target for mocking, though I never really cared. After I had got involved with Cato and his team, it seemed to only get worse because girls would hate me for having the attention of the few good looking guys in our school. I didn't care about that either. I definitely hadn't seen _this_ coming, though. Someone actually hated me _so much_ they wanted to kill me?

My throat was dry as paper and no matter how hard I tried to calm my heartbeat, I could feel hot blood pumping loudly in my ears. I could also sense everyone's eyes on me, but I didn't have it in me to return their hopeless glances. I couldn't watch the pure horror painted on their faces. Because, how are you supposed to prepare yourself for something like this? _I was going to die tonight._ As someone's _personal_ Purge. And they would have to sit there and watch me take my last breath before it's their turn to go. How do you get ready for that?

 _You can't._

* * *

 _September 1, 2022  
_ _12:55p.m._

I arrived at Gale's house and he opened the door for me, all sneezy and feverish, asking me what I was doing here so early. I avoided answering his question by simply pushing past him and into his apartment; all his siblings were still at school and his mom was at work as always, until very late. She was working two jobs to be able to support them.

I told Gale to lie back down and I occupied myself in the kitchen, making hot chicken noodle soup for lunch for us. I hoped it was enough to distract myself from the unfortunate encounter with Johanna in the cafeteria earlier. But it _wasn't._ By the time soup was done, I was still actively thinking back to what happened at school and it didn't go unnoticed by Gale.

"What's the matter?" he asked, sitting up so he could drink the soup I had given him in a mug. His nose was really red and he was pale and shaky. I covered him more tightly with the blanket and nodded my head to the mug he was holding onto for dear life.

"Eat," I said with a smile that I could only hope was credible enough. "It'll make you feel better."

He watched me for another minute before taking a careful sip from the mug. He swallowed with what seemed like great difficulty and then glanced at me again. "Clove, _please_ don't ignore my questions. What's happened at school?"

I put my own mug away on the table, as I let out a heavy breath. I knew that sooner or later there was no getting away from it. "I tried talking to Johanna," I explained, running a tired hand through my hair. _"She hates me."_

"Stop," he croaked, wincing as he swallowed another hot sip of soup. "She _doesn't_ hate you at all. You know Johanna. She just needs some time now, too. Just give her a few weeks, Clove."

"I _have_ given her a few weeks, Gale," I reminded him referring to the last time she and I talked before today.

"I guess it wasn't enough," he told me softly, his eyes sending me a comforting look. "She'll come around."

"What if she's right?" I asked, looking down at my hands, feeling rather ashamed.

 _"Clove,"_ he sighed, leaning forward and putting his unoccupied hand on mine. "People deal with loss individually. I'm sure Johanna understands that. She just needs a bit more time herself, cause she's still not done grieving. _You aren't either."_

I wanted to believe him so badly, but I wasn't sure if he was saying all that because he actually meant every word, or because he just wanted to help and make me feel better. I guessed it was the latter since I did believe that Johanna _was_ right; she knew Finnick far longer than I did and she was also close with him and yet not once did she try blaming Cato or anyone else for his death. _Unlike me._

I forced another smile to cover up all the other emotions my heart was stubbornly pumping through my veins. _"You're my best friend,"_ I declared genuinely. He stared at me somewhat sad for a brief moment and when I was about to ask him what was wrong, he smiled back.

"Ditto," he nodded, giving my hand a squeeze before going back to eating his soup. "It's very good, thank you."

I wasn't surprised. I was a good cook. I've spent the last few years cooking for myself and before for Jake too since my mother had at that time been incapable of getting out of bed. I flinched slightly, as my phone buzzed in my pocket suddenly and my heart began beating faster. I hastily grabbed it and looked at the screen, hoping it'd say _"Johanna"_. My hopes were soon shattered and I almost cussed myself out for letting such thoughts cross my mind in the first place.

"Who's that?" Gale asked, watching my disappointed face with concern.

"No idea," I said, shrugging as I answered it. "Hello?... Yes, this is she."

If only I had seen it coming… but as always, I _didn't._ We never do. I had no idea that the next minute and a half was going to change my life from that point on. That it would have a great impact on the rest of my day. _How could I?_

As l listened, completely in awe, Gale's eyes began growing more and more concerned. He put his mug away on the floor and watched me anxiously, waiting for me to be done with the phone call so I could let him know what made my face resemble a stone cold statue. My shaking hand dropped my phone in my lap and I sat there, breathless and shocked until I felt Gale shaking my shoulder. I glanced at him unconsciously.

"Shit, Clove, _what is it?"_ He almost snapped, probably close to scolding me for making him wait so long. I let out a heavy breath, staring at him with wide, teary eyes.

"It's my mom," I choked out, my heart beating wildly in my chest. _"She's coming back."_

* * *

 _September 15, 2022_  
 _4:56p.m._

I rubbed my hands together, as I waited at the bus station, feeling like it was just some kind of a wonderful dream I was about to wake up from. Because those _never_ really last, do they? My relationship with Cato felt exactly the same. It ended just like the rest of them. Was this one going to end as well?

 _"Clovey!"_

His voice told me a different story. I turned around, smiling from ear to ear as I saw my not so little brother anymore running from the other end of the waiting room with open arms, followed by my Aunt Ann. I choked back upcoming tears of joy as I knelt on the floor just in time to catch him in a rib-crushing hug. _"Oh Jakie,"_ I sighed, praying that I would never have to say goodbye to him ever again. "I've missed you _so_ much, buddy."

"I missed you too," he whispered in my ear, stroking my hair and making me smile through my tears. "Where's mama?"

I froze for a split second, before reminding myself that the poor boy had no clue about the horrors he had experienced as a toddler; I was very happy he could not remember any of it. At least I _hoped_ he didn't. "Mom's coming home tomorrow morning, bud," I told him, pulling back so I could look him in those beautiful, innocent eyes of his. "Aunt Annie is staying with us tonight and she will pick her up when it's time, okay?"

"She's not sick anymore?" he asked naively and it took everything in me not to lose my smile. I had no idea what she would be like. I hadn't seen her in years. I didn't know what to expect. Frankly, I couldn't be any more scared of our reunion than I already was.

"I hope not, Jake," I said because I just couldn't lie to him. A vague, wishful answer was all I was capable of. _"I hope not."_

* * *

 _October 15, 2022_  
 _08:50a.m._

Things started looking out for me a bit more these days and I was surprised myself that I seemed a bit happier. My mom has been with us for a few weeks now and I had Jakie back… I could not really ask for much more at this point. I had Gale and my family again. I had lost a lot of important people that I cared for dearly, but life thankfully turned around slightly and brought me a quite big dose of happiness that I could lean on and find support and comfort in. I was yet to realize that this day was going to get even better for me;

 _"Hey you,"_

I almost felt like tapping my ear, because I couldn't have possibly heard her voice right next to me for real. Her voice that was actually speaking to _me._ But as I turned my head, surely there she was. Her eyes no longer shooting daggers at me like they had been for the past few weeks. I threw a glance over my shoulder to make sure it was me she was talking to before softly responding, "Hey."

She looked quite uncertain of what she wanted to say to me, which made me wonder was she actually trying to patch things up or maybe she simply needed a favor. _"So,"_ she murmured, leaning against the lockers. "I heard your brother came back from The Great White North?"

"Uh, yeah," I responded, unable to stop a shy smile from curving my lips. "He came home a few weeks ago,"

"I'm sure you must be thrilled," she commented lazily, looking somewhere to my left. "I'm guessing you're feeling much better now."

My smirk faded immediately, as the pang of guilt I still felt over my behavior crushed me like a pile of bricks. "Yeah, um," I stuttered. _"I'm okay."_

Johanna looked me in the eyes for a little while and I fought really hard not to look away from her piercing, intense eyes. "I'm glad," she said and I decided to just believe she was being sincere, rather than sarcastic and malicious. But this was Johanna; you never really knew.

"Are _you_ all right?" I asked her, glancing down to my hands, afraid of her response.

"I'm Johanna Mason, aren't I?" she snickered, making me feel confident enough to look up again. "If I can't survive shit, then who _can?"_

I watched her curiously for a little while, before breaking into a rather tearful smile. But I had no time to feel pathetic for letting her see just how pleasantly surprised I was to have a conversation with her again, because Cato suddenly came strolling down the hallway. Involuntarily, I stared at him with that joyful smile still present on my face. For a split second, I really had high hopes he would respond positively; make eye contact and maybe send a small smile back. In the best scenario, I saw him stopping to have a little chat with us, too.

Apparently, though, I've stressed my hopes and dreams to their absolute limit, because as soon as he caught my smile, he looked away and walked past us without a word, like he had no idea who I even was. What was left of my smile melted away like ice thrown into a pot of hot water. Johanna followed my eyes and needed no further explanation. "He doesn't hate you," she told me as if she could read my darn mind. _"Nor do I,"_ she added, bumping into me with her shoulder in a playful, semi-comforting manner. "But you _did_ fuck up, girl."

 _"Yeah,"_ I whispered under my breath, not really caring if she even heard my meaningless response.

"Hey," Jo said, placing her hand on my shoulder. "You know that he cares about you. I can guarantee you he still does. He just hasn't been himself in a while, you know. I don't mean to pry, I know it's none of my business, but whatever you're thinking of doing now, _if_ you are planning anything, I think it'd be best if you left him alone for a little while. He's _really_ hurt."

I started feeling nauseous before she was even done talking. I knew he was hurt. I had no doubt about that. But as I reminded myself of those sad, crystal clear blue eyes of his, I realized that at some point I had started believing that there was nothing I could do now or ever to fix us. I was pretty sure there wasn't. It already seemed that the Cato I knew was long gone.

 _Just like Finnick._

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _02:57a.m._  
 _Time remaining: 00:04:02:44_

The van stopped abruptly, making me bump into Gale. I glanced up and caught his upset gaze, to say the _least._ He looked absolutely terrified. I didn't have to ask him why. It was as obvious as it possibly could be. He had lost every little bit of hope that I was going to make it through the night with him. At least I was still in the position to have faith that just maybe whoever had requested my death would spare _him._ As naive as it was, at least I had _that_ to hope for. _What did he have?_

"Okay!" Jackson exclaimed, clasping his hands together. "Who's ready to _party?!"_

As he went to open the back door, Cato grabbed him by the front of his jacket without warning and pushed him hard against the wall. Jackson's eyes widened at the impact and I was happy to catch a glimpse of fear in his hateful eyes.

 _"Just keep in mind,"_ Cato whispered through gritted teeth. "If by chance I come out of this alive and someone here gets hurt, I _will_ find you." he threatened, his face mere inches away from Jackson's. "You can move to a different city. You can change your name. You can disguise yourself as whoever the hell you want. _And I will **still** find you_."

With that Cato let go of him harshly, his glaring eyes burning holes in Jackson's face. "But unlike your _pathetic_ self, I won't wait for the Purge to do that. I will kill you regardless of what day of the fucking year it may be. _Have fun sleeping at night from now on._ "

I almost shivered as I quickly realized that it didn't matter how little of a chance Cato had to survive this night. Whether Jackson liked it or not, he was intimidating and able to scare the living shit out of people with his glaring eyes and strong physical appearance. And nowadays, there was nothing worse than having someone promise you they'd kill you whether it is Purge night or just an ordinary day. Because committing murder during Purge was nothing extraordinary anymore. It had become normal and socially acceptable for most people. It was killing on ordinary days that was so cold-blooded and frightening. _Anyone_ could kill during Purge. That was the entire point of it; that was what the New Founding Fathers wanted to prove to us so badly. Anyone is capable of killing when given a legal opportunity. It was those who were brave enough to _still_ break the law, despite the Purge, that people really were afraid of. Because clearly, they had _nothing_ to lose. Clearly, they could not care _any_ less.

Jackson narrowed his eyes hatefully at Cato, but apparently he couldn't come up with any response because he simply turned and opened the door. Outside there were the others waiting already, making sure none of us would be able to escape. Jackson motioned with his head for us to get out of the van, but he didn't have the balls to push anyone out, his eyes observing Cato the entire time intensely. Gale was the first one to hop out and I followed him with Johanna and Cato.

I looked around and realized we were in the front yard of a mansion. A very expensive-looking mansion. I frowned, anxious and curious at the same time as to whose property it was. I knew I was about to find out, though. I wasn't wrong.

 _"Well!"_ a voice reached my ears and we all spun around to face our killer-to-be. _"Welcome to my house!"_

I wasn't typically a very easy person to shock. But this time... _I might have as well been struck by lightning.  
_

* * *

 **A/N: Cliffhanger because I cannot live without those. :P I hope you liked this chapter and will share your thoughts on it in the reviews. I doubt I will update within the next two/three weeks so I would like to wish everyone a Happy Easter! :) :) :)  
**


	12. Superman

_"If someone hurt_

 _someone you love..._

 _How far would you go..._

 _to hurt them back?"_

 _~ The Last House On The Left_

* * *

 **Chapter 12: "Superman"**

 _August 2, 2022_  
 _12:35p.m._

I didn't know how long I just lied there, lost in my thoughts and almost completely oblivious to the rest of the world. Days had become blended together and I wasn't sure what time or even what date it was anymore. I didn't know if it was the weekend or midweek. I didn't care. I had spent a very long time shutting out the outside world. Have you ever done that? I'm sure you have. It almost made me feel like a thief; as if I knew I wasn't supposed to ignore all this pain. As if deep inside I thought I should face it, stare it down. Confront it. But I'd been through that before when my dad died. It felt nice to be able to just sweep it under the rug. Not completely, because it still hurt like hell. But on the other hand, it was just that and me. Just **my** pain. I didn't have to console anyone else. This time **I** was the one who was being comforted. It felt nice...

 _... at least while it lasted._

"Clove, Johanna's here," I heard Gale's voice from the other room, but I stayed put. I didn't even move an inch. I just lied there on my side with my knees up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. I stared at the wall in front of me, trying to find the slightest bit of motivation to do something, _anything_ else with my time. I have been staying at Gale's ever since the funeral. His mom was more than fine with it since I've always been a part of the Hawthrones family. I just couldn't bear the thought of going back to my aunt's and having to deal with her drunk, crazy self every day. I needed peace and quiet. I needed support. I needed for someone to care enough to try and get me to eat and to be there when I'd wake up crying at night. Gale was all that. Supportive and caring. That's what he's always been.

Johanna walked into the living room and as her eyes landed on my weak, tiny body her eyes grew bigger. But thankfully, she chose not to ask me how many pounds I had lost. "Hey girl," she greeted me softly, something I didn't hear often. "How you doin'?"

I scratched the back of my head, as I slowly pulled myself up into a sitting position so she could sit next to me. "I'm fine," I told her, avoiding her piercing, worried stare.

"Clove, you know you don't have to pretend, right? You are _not_ fine," she stated, continuing to watch me with that concerned look on her face that really didn't suit her. "I'm going through the same thing as you. You're not fine. _We_ are not fine. It's okay to say that."

"Right," I replied in a dry voice, playing with my fingers to give myself something to do.

"I know you don't really feel up to company these days. I didn't come here to bother you, just wanted to check and see how you've been holding up. And to let you know I'm here if you need me. _We all are."_

"I know," I whispered, but it didn't come out sounding as convincing as I hoped it would.

"When was the last time Cato stopped by? I think you both need each other right now, maybe you should ask him to-"

"We're not together anymore," I cut her off and she blinked fast, her face even more shocked than when she had first come in. It took her so long to say anything that I decided to at last look her in the eyes.

"You broke up with him?" she asked, disbelief replacing the expression of shock. _"Why?"_

I didn't answer. It wasn't any of her business, anyway. I didn't feel like I had to explain myself to her.

"Because of Finn?" she pressed on, sounding like she was fairly certain that was the reason. _"Clove,"_ she whispered and the tone of her voice scared me. I had never heard her sound so … _distraught_ before. "You know that was _not_ his fault. I _know_ you do."

"He put us there," I argued, feeling sick to my stomach as the memory of Finnick's unconscious face shot through my head like a burning arrow. "This whole thing was _his_ idea-"

"An idea we all _agreed_ to," Johanna reminded me, piercing me down with her intense brown eyes. "Clove, you're not a child. You know that each one of us could have said 'no'. Each one of us could have walked away at any time. We all _knew_ what we were signing up for. Finnick knew he was risking his life when he agreed to Cato's plan. He helped him talk people into it-"

"Cato was still the one who came up with it," I insisted, tears of fatigue and heartache began gathering in my tired eyes once more. "If it hadn't been for him, Finnick would be alive today-"

"You have _no_ way of knowing that," Johanna interrupted me, her voice soaked with venom this time, as she glared me half-heartedly. "People die every day, Clove. And in the times we live in, _millions_ die every year because of the Purge. Cato's idea was a way to express our protest **against** that. An idea to emphasize and avenge the lives of _other_ people's Finnicks. To give their deaths _meaning."_

"He took a _bullet_ for me, Jo," I murmured as if I didn't hear a word from what she just tried to get through to me. She stared at me in confusion before letting out a tired sigh.

"Tell me," she said, placing her elbows on her knees and leaning forward slightly. "Is there something I'm missing here?" she asked, watching me carefully like she was ready to catch any and every little trace of dishonesty next time I opened my mouth.

"What are you talking about?"

"Was there something going between you guys?" she cleared up and I almost gasped. How _dared_ she suggest that?

"You're asking me if we had an _affair?"_ I snapped at her. "Why in the world would you think that?"

"Because he wasn't just _your_ friend, Clove, and it seems to me that you're completely oblivious to the fact that I knew him much longer than you and Cato literally spent his _entire_ life with the guy. Yet somehow, it is _you_ that's trying to show everyone how you are the one who is hurt the _most."_

"I'm not _trying-"_

"We **all** loved him," she interrupted me, apparently not really giving a damn about what I had to say in my defense. "We _all_ are devastated by his loss. You have to start acknowledging other people's pain, Clove. It's not just _you."_

I looked away from her glare, trying to swallow all those bitter words she just fed me. Deep inside, I knew everything she just said made sense. She was right about it all. But my head was all over the place, it was almost like she was speaking a different dialect, making everything much more difficult for me to comprehend. I knew that sleep deprivation and complete loss of appetite had quite a lot to do with the state of my mind.

"Look," Jo sighed, her voice sounding softer again. "I know you're grieving. I know you're going through a rough time. But so are _we,"_ she tried to convince me, looking me dead in the eye as she was about to say something I was not ready for: "So is _Cato…_ I know he _really_ needs you right now and I think you need him too. Just go see him, Clove, you-"

 _"No,"_ I cut her off harshly, squeezing my tears eyes shut. "It's done, Johanna. I don't want to see him. We're _done."_

I couldn't return her stare but I didn't have to do that in order to know how glaring and despising her eyes were while observing me from where she sat on the other side of the couch. I could almost sense how much she hated what I said and what I had become; it was in the air and in the way my skin crawled once she spoke again:

"I need you to look me in the eyes and listen to me carefully because what I'm about to say, _I really mean it,"_

I didn't want to. That was the last thing I felt up to. But I obeyed; I glanced at her, almost fearing the expression her face would hold. And I was right to be scared because Johanna looked like she was ready to cut me.

"I love you and I'll always be your friend," she declared and I swallowed the huge lump in my throat that had been there for months now. "But for now, _I need to be away from you."_

I gaped at her, at a loss for words. What was there to be said? I understood why she had chosen to stay away from me. I really did. But that didn't make it sting any less. "Jo-"

 _"Bye, Clove,"_ she spoke in a cold voice before leaving me alone in the room with nothing but the walls to stare at.

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _03:15a.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:03:44:32_

 _"Well! Welcome to my house!"_

I couldn't believe that right there in front of me was the boy I hated so much. Tall and skinny. Brown hair. Eyes full of venom.

 _Marvel._

As the Purger behind me pushed me forward, I looked over my shoulder with a glare. "Don't _touch_ me." I hissed and God, I wished I could stare him down. But the coward wouldn't take that mask off; no, he seemed to believe that as long as no one knew who he really was, his sins wouldn't matter. I followed the rest at gunpoint, ignoring Marvel's wicked smile as I passed him by. I walked inside and saw two more guys from school whose faces I was familiar with enough. It hit me how I didn't even know their names. They were going to kill me and my friends and I had no idea what their names were.

"Have a seat, have a seat!" a high, perked-up voice cut through the cold silence and I wasn't even surprised to see Marvel's beloved co-Purger in the form of Glimmer; the most horrible human being I've ever met. "Make yourselves comfortable while you can!" she sang, excited as ever. "Clove, dear!" she purred when she saw me. "So _glad_ to see you!"

"That makes _one_ of us." I snapped without even looking her in the eye. I saw one of the nameless boys push Johanna, as well as Gale down on the couch, who hissed in pain when he landed on his gun shot wound. "Leave him _alone!"_ I yelled, lunging forward and pushing the guy back as hard as I was able to. Immediately, I felt something hard digging into my back. I froze.

"Give me another reason and I'll gladly pull the trigger right now." I heard Marvel's hateful voice behind me.

 _"If you so much as touch her,"_ Cato hissed, making everyone look at him. I glanced his way too and saw him standing in the corner with the other guy who had his rifle pointed at his head. "I'm gonna make the life bleed out of you as slowly as humanly possible,"

"Whoa!" Marvel semi-laughed and was followed by Glimmer who giggled along. "Well aren't you Mr _Tough?_ That's surprising, cause I thought you guys had broken up a long time ago over your _dead_ best friend."

Cato's eyes turned darker than I'd ever seen them and he took a step forward, jaw clenched and fists clenched, but stopped as soon as I felt a cold blade make contact with my neck. Gale tried to get up but Johanna grabbed his healthy arm and shook her head firmly.

"Like I said," Marvel whispered darkly. " _Give me another reason_. I **can't** wait as it is."

"You said she'd be _my_ kill." Glimmer cut in with a glare.

"I changed my mind. You can have these two instead." Marvel told her nodding towards Jo and Gale. Glimmer glanced at them and let out a sigh as if they were the next best thing. "This one's all _mine."_ Marvel added and I felt the pressure of the blade on my skin become sharper.

"Get your hands **off** of her or I'll come do it _for you_." Cato spat through gritted teeth, staring Marvel down with vicious eyes.

"Look, buddy." Marvel sighed, letting go of me but still keeping me at gun point. "I _admire_ your heroism and how confident you seem to think you are." he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "But it just so happens that _I'm_ the one with all the guns." he stated with a smirk. "And even if I weren't, you don't scare me, Peters. I'm just as strong as you are. And I'm definitely just as _crazy."_

Silence filled the room during which I tried to stop my heart from escaping my chest. I was panicked. I was frozen.

"That right?" Cato snapped, glaring at the other guy. "But are you even one tenth as _pissed off_ as I am?"

Marvel's smirk slightly faded as I'm sure he finally noticed what I'd been aware of all along; Cato looked unstoppable. And his next words only confirmed that; "From what I've observed, you couldn't give any less shits about the lives of those who are here Purging with you tonight. I know you wouldn't turn around to help _any_ of them if their lives were at stake."

I saw Glimmer throw a glance at Marvel who wasn't brave enough to look at her; he probably knew she'd see right through him if he did. Because Cato was right. He would leave her pathetic ass behind if it came to saving his own skin.

"You're too much of a _coward,_ aren't you?" Cato continued, knowing he'd hit home. "You don't _know_ what it's like to have that someone for whom you'd burn everything around you down to the _ground._ You have no idea what it's like to love someone _so much_ you'll rip everyone on your way to bloody pieces just to get to her. You don't have a _clue_ what someone feeling _that_ kind of rage is capable of. You have no idea about _any_ of that, do you?"

It seemed as though his words had stopped everything for the time being. Everyone just continued to gape at him and I could see that what he just said had gotten to them. For a moment at least.

"Well I _do."_ Cato carried on. "And unlucky for you, _she_ happens to be that person for me. So if you touch her, if you _hurt_ her, I'm going to make sure you'll regret you were ever born. _Now step the fuck away from her."_

"I'm sorry, are you _mental?"_ Marvel hissed with a deliberate glare my way. "Don't you realize how _bad_ things can get if you continue to run your **trap**?"

"Whatever you have in mind, _trust me_ ," Cato snapped, clenching his fists. "my ideas are _far_ worse than yours will ever be."

Glimmer's eyes widened and she stared at Marvel in hopes he'd come up with a scary enough answer. But Marvel was simply not that bright. I've seen him around during those past couple of years at school enough to know that. Yet, he was still standing super close to me with a gun pointed at me and a knife in his other hand that I knew he would _love_ to use. On me, especially. I knew he wanted to make Cato watch me die. His twisted brain couldn't wait to make me bleed, I could tell that much from the way he was gazing at me. He'd never been fond of our group; he seemed to hate Cato the most for reasons that probably only he understood. But it also seemed as if there was something personal going on when it came to me. I had no idea why he disliked me so much. I didn't have a clue why he had requested me as his personal Purge tonight.

"How about we get this thing started then?" Marvel proposed with a smirk, his eyes shining with hunger as he glanced at me one more time. I felt a lump growing in the back of my throat, as fear began consuming me. I knew I had to stay calm and reserved for as long as possible, but that knife looked so sharp. So _painful._ "All you've done so far is _talk._ So how about we see how brave you _truly_ are, shall we?" he sang, lifting his knife yet again and stepping closer to me. I heard Gale's heavy breathing behind me and couldn't help but look over my shoulder at him. His face was white and I couldn't tell whether it was from blood loss or was he simply _terrified_ that he was about to watch me suffer.

I swallowed hard and landed my eyes on Johanna next. She looked relatively calm but I knew her better than that; she was possibly desperately trying to come up with some sort of a plan. But it was futile. I could see it in Marvel's eyes and the way they were filled with pure excitement.

 _I was dead already._

* * *

 _September 1, 2022_  
 _12:15p.m._

I walked inside the cafeteria, not knowing what to expect; it was the first day of school after the nightmare of a summer I experienced after last Purge. Gale was sick so I was sort of left alone to deal with the consequences of what we had left behind when we buried Finnick and never looked back. Now, it was time to face the reality _again_ and no one was going to ask us if we felt like it. Our Purging group had remained a mystery, so no one else in school really knew what happened to Finnick Odair. And we didn't plan on telling anyone. Everyone simply assumed someone had broken into his apartment and killed him. I remembered all the questions people were throwing my way when I returned to school in April; I never answered any of them. It was none of their business.

Gale had insisted in the morning that he was going to go to school, but I told him to stay at home, since he could barely stand straight and his forehead was hot as lava. But as I stood in the cafeteria, watching all the people eat their lunch with smiles on their faces, I regretted my decision, even though it was the best one I could have made for Gale's sake. I noticed Johanna sitting at one of the tables by herself, looking pissed with everything and everyone around her. I carried out a long debate with my inner voice whether it was a good time for me to try and talk to her since we haven't talked since that last time she stopped by at Gale's and scolded me for the vendetta I was holding upon Cato.

Clenching my fists, I decided to risk it. And so a minute or two later I stopped right in front of her and murmured a quiet greeting: "Hey,"

She wasn't really surprised to see me when she glanced up, but she looked far from happy. "Hi," she said in a dry voice, before engaging in eating her lunch again. I swallowed hard, feeling rather awkward, but sat down anyway.

"Are you still angry with me?" I asked her carefully, setting my lunch tray down. Johanna let out a rather sarcastic laugh, before looking at me again, her eyes weirdly blank.

"Are you still under the impression your pain is the most severe? And that your feelings are the _only_ ones that matter?"

 _Ouch._ I tried to pretend her bitter words didn't impact me too much, but I guess I was doing a rather lousy job with that, because her eyes only grew colder. _"I'm sorry,"_ I whispered an apology, knowing that was all I could do. "I was in a dark place, but I'm out now and I really am _sorry."_

"Why are you apologizing to _me?"_ she asked, confused. "I got by just fine without your support. It's not _me_ you should be saying this to, but then again, it doesn't seem like you catch on fast, so it doesn't surprise me you're here talking to me instead,"

"Jo-" I tried again, although I did already have a feeling it was a futile attempt.

"If you don't mind, Clove, I'd rather have my lunch with a _friend,"_ she snapped, before grabbing her lunch tray and walking away to the other end of cafeteria where all alone, there sat Cato. Johanna made herself comfortable at his table, throwing him a comforting smile as she did. He looked much more awake as soon as she showed up and smiled back, almost gratefully, making my stomach swirl unpleasantly. The worst part was that I knew I would give a lot to have the courage to walk over there and try and make things right. But wasn't it too late? It rather seemed to me that it was. Even though Johanna had declared not too long ago that she was always going to be my friend. But can one even make that promise? I didn't think so. We should not ever make such promises. So often we aren't even capable of keeping much simpler ones.

I decided I was no longer hungry. I decided I wasn't even going to attend the afternoon classes. So with another sorrow-filled look at my former friends who meant so much to me, I got up and began heading to my locker. I was done with this day. I just wanted to go back to Gale's and help him get better. Nobody needed or wanted me here anyway. And no, I wasn't pitying myself. That was simply the truth.

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _03:21a.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:03:38:14_

Glimmer and the rest were all trying to make sure that nobody would interfere by having their weapons pointed at my friends. I glanced to Cato and saw the guy beside him press the barrel of his gun to his head so that he wouldn't move. He clenched his jaw tight, panting as his eyes met mine and softened immediately. I could see all the love and affection in them that he had for me. I had no doubt in that moment that despite everything we'd been through, Cato Peters never stopped loving me. And I knew I'd always love him, too.

"You should have said yes when I asked you out, Clove." Marvel taunted me with the knife, waving it in front of my face, looking as if he was debating where to cut me first. "If you had, I would at least consider letting you live,". As soon as he said that I realized that this was why he must have hated me and Cato so much. Marvel wasn't exactly a sane person as it turned out. This must have been reason enough to want to use us to Purge on.

 _"You had the hots for her?"_

If I hadn't seen her lips moving, I'd have never believed that it was Johanna who asked him that question in such a _hateful_ voice. She slowly got to her feet, well aware there was a gun pointed at her head. "What _is_ it with you all?" Jo snapped, apparently furious with something. Her eyes were shooting daggers at me and my killer-to-be. "What is so _great_ about her that makes you all fall for her skinny ass?"

I stared at her with wide eyes, unsure how to act. What was her problem all of a sudden? Was that the plan she came up with just now? Was she trying to win me some more time for whatever reason? We both knew there was no way out. We were all going to die here tonight. So what was this about?

"I just don't get it." Johanna carried on and Marvel curiously watched her take a few steps towards us, knife at the ready. "First Cato, then Gale. Now _you,_ too?" she hissed, before landing her glare on me. "Haven't you had _enough?_ Do you really have to have _every_ guy I ever liked fall for you?"

 _"What-"_ I choked on my own words, completely taken off guard. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend that you don't know." Jo barked, glancing at Cato. "We had a thing going on between us," she said to him before landing her hateful eyes back on me. "But then your ass showed up out of _nowhere_ and suddenly he couldn't care less about me. Out of the blue, _you_ were all he constantly talked about, _you_ were the only one he wanted to spend time with. He was **my** friend first. What gave you the right to take him away?"

"I didn't take him _away!"_ I argued, gaping at her with confusion.

"Well!" Marvel laughed, crossing arms over his chest. _"This is gonna be good."_

"You _did!"_ Johanna snapped, shaking with anger. I'd never ever seen her this angry before. "I didn't care at first because thanks to you I met Gale. And we were so good together until one day, without a reason, he went and broke things off. And do you want to know _why?_ Cause I sure figured it out."

 _"Jo-"_ Gale started but she cut him off.

"Because of _you!"_ Jo exclaimed, basically getting in my face. "As soon as Finn died and you ditched Cato, he told me he _'wasn't ready for a relationship'_. But he must be stupid if he thought I didn't know the _real_ reason. He thought it was his chance to get _you_ back. _That's_ why he left me. He left me to try it on with you since Cato was no longer in the picture,"

"Johanna, that's _enough,"_ Cato told her sternly and I heard a warning in his voice.

 _"Of course_ you're gonna defend her!" she yelled, throwing her arms up furiously. "Nothing new there."

"What is your _problem?"_ I asked her, hoping she'd give me some kind of sign to let me know she didn't _actually_ mean all those things. "I thought we were friends."

 _"Friends?"_ she mocked with a sinister laugh that gave me chills. I didn't know that girl. The person in front of me was no longer the same girl I'd been hanging out with for years now. "If I had a knife, I'd show you just how much I appreciate you as my _friend."_

I almost took a step back. She might have as well just stabbed me; that's how much hearing that hurt me. "Where is this coming from?" I said, my voice soft and wounded.

"Oh, it's been piling up, _girlfriend,"_ Jo told me and she couldn't sound more bitter. "But tonight's the last straw. Here we are, about to get _slaughtered,_ but somehow you still just _happen_ to be the center of attention. Somehow, it's all about **you** yet again."

"Seems like you hate her _guts,"_ Marvel commented, throwing a smirk my way. I glared at him in response. "Tell you what," he carried on glancing back to Johanna. "I'll let you cleanse yourself." And just like that he offered his knife to Jo. "Go ahead." he encouraged her with a sick smile.

I gaped at Johanna and to my horror, she actually looked like she might take him up on that offer. In that moment I decided that I was done with her bullshit. I was not going down as this betrayed, helpless girl. And that was exactly what made the next few words come out of my mouth: "You won't do _shit."_ I murmured with venom in my voice. "You don't have the balls."

Next thing I knew I felt a prickling pain in my cheek; the force of Jo's slap had slammed my head to the side and I was now face to face with Marvel who laughed shamelessly. _"You sure about that?"_ Johanna mocked me with raised eyebrows.

"What the **hell** are you _doing?!"_ Cato exclaimed moving a step forward but was stopped when Marvel lifted his rifle and pointed it at his heart.

"You better stay right there, _Superman."_

Cato had no choice but to obey. He wasn't going to help anyone if he got shot anyway. He knew better than that. As of in that moment, he had to stay where he was. I didn't want him to think that I felt defeated though. And so with a freezing look at Johanna, I said: "Planning on doing that again?" I snapped. "If you are, at least make it _hurt."_

And damn me, she _did._ Next time her hand connected with my face, it was curled into a fist. I felt it cut my lip open as the power of it brought me down to the floor.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you, Johanna?!" Cato yelled once more. I tasted blood and lifted my head, fixing my stare upon my former boyfriend and I saw just how helpless and enraged he looked. His eyes softened when he caught mine and he looked ready to cut Johanna to pieces if she dared to hurt me one more time.

There's a lot you can expect when you get stuck outside during the Purge. But having your supposed friend beat the shit out of you before you get killed...

 _... isn't one of them._

* * *

 _October 17, 2022_  
 _5:34 p.m._

I was late. As usual. But this day has been particularly unpleasant. And as I ran down the street, to top it all off, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket for the eleventh time at least. Frustrated, I took it out of my pocket and I didn't even care to check whose name it had on the screen before I answered it with an angry snap: _"What!?"_

 _"Clove?"_

I slowed down immediately, as soon as I heard the tone of her voice. "Jo? What's up, are you okay?"

 _"No,"_ she whispered before sniffing, letting me know she'd been crying. But Johanna _never_ cried. _"Can you come to mine? Please."_

"I, uh," I stuttered. I was really late for work, but did I really have a choice? She sounded terribly upset. Johanna never _asked._ She was not the "please" and "thank you" type. Something was really wrong. So after another, short moment of hesitation: "Sure, I'll be there soon."

Half an hour later I was already in front of her door, knocking like crazy. "Jo! It's Clove!"

It took her another minute or so to open it and I was glad enough because my knuckles were starting to hurt. As soon as I laid my eyes on her, my hand froze in the air. She looked absolutely horrible. Her face was pale, her eyes red and puffy. She didn't look like herself at all.

"My God, what's _wrong?"_ I asked, placing my hands on her shoulders gently. She stepped away from me and walked to her room without a word. I figured she didn't want to have that conversation in the doorway where all her neighbors and roommates could hear.

"Jo," I whispered, following her into her room and closing the door behind me. "You're scaring me."

"Have you talked to Gale today?" she asked in a cold voice and I frowned.

"Yeah, this morning," I told her and watched her face fall even more. "Why? What is this about?"

"He broke up with me last night," Jo confessed and I froze once more. I really did not see that coming. I actually felt as confused as ever. _Why did he not tell me?_

"I had no idea," I said, hoping she'd believe me because I was indeed telling the truth. But she just looked at me blankly. As if she didn't care either way.

"You can go now."

I stood there, staring at her wide-eyed. "What?" I choked out, incredibly confused. "Jo, I did _not_ know he was going to-"

"Yeah, I know," she replied dryly and she looked anything but convinced. _"I just want to be alone,"_

Completely dumbfounded, I left her without another word, extremely anxious about the aftermath of Gale's decision. I had just patched things up with Johanna. Something was telling me this could really affect our friendship.

 _I was almost sure it would._

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _03:35a.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:03:24:07_

I wasn't sure if I could actually feel any pain. I knew that I was caught off guard and downright exhausted. I also was in shock; I could not really grasp what had just happened until Marvel's mischevious voice shed more light on our hopeless situation:

"I didn't realize this would be so much _fun!"_ Marvel exclaimed, as excited as one can be and looking down on me. I was still on the floor with a swollen, bleeding lip and a red cheek. "On your feet," he ordered, pointing his gun at me once more.

I swallowed hard and choked back some upcoming tears, deciding that all I could do was stand tall and not give any of them satisfaction. I would _not_ cry, or at least I would try not to for as long as I manage. Shaking slightly, I slowly got myself up, feeling Gale's and Cato's eyes on me.

"Ready to cut, killer?" Marvel turned to Johanna, offering his knife to Johanna again with a smirk. "Just _please_ make it a good show, we have lots of time so don't rush."

She actually smirked back and took the blade from him without any hesitation. "I've cut people before, I know what to do."

 _Oh, she sure does._

Time seemed to be mocking us, going by painfully slow. I just wanted to get this over with. If I really was going to die tonight, I wanted it to happen as fast as possible. Why drag it out? Johanna looked me in the eyes and that's when I saw it; that reassuring look that crossed her face for a split second and I realized she hadn't gone crazy. She wasn't ruthless and she didn't hate me.

She was _stalling_ them.

That was her plan? She may have bought me a couple of minutes, but what next? She had to start doing something or else Marvel would realize she was full of it and do the job himself. Trying to carry on with her plan, she turned to Cato and put on the most wicked smile she was capable of: "I can't _wait_ to pay your girl back for how she pushed us apart."

"You're _sick."_ Cato hissed, his eyes narrowed, his fists clenched in rage. "Don't you _dare_ touch her."

"You are in no position to threaten me, _dear."_ Jo sighed. "I think I'll start with her pretty face. We'll see how much you'll like her _then."_

 _"Don't,"_ he barked dangerously. "I'm warning you, Johanna. If you hurt her, _I will **kill** you."_

I studied his face for a moment, trying to decide whether he was aware of Jo's plan and was just really good at acting, or did he really think she was about to cut me. I wasn't sure. "We are _all_ gonna die tonight, Cato." she snapped back at him. "I don't care who's going to kill me as long as I get the chance to make her _pay."_

"As much as I'm _loving_ all this," Marvel spoke with a tired sigh. "I'd prefer a little more _action;_ all this talking is making me yawn."

I saw Johanna's hand squeeze the handle of the knife she was given and I knew she had no clue what to do next. If she tried hurting Marvel, she'd get shot right away. If she tried to make it look like she wanted to hurt me, Cato would try to help and would get shot. Basically, anything she would do next would get someone injured. She tried to keep that confident, hateful expression on her face but was slowly losing her grip.

As if on cue, right before Marvel managed to get sick of waiting for Jo to make a move, we heard a familiar sound of a truck approach the house. Marvel and Glimmer both frowned, clearly startled. But I knew the four of us definitely recognized that sound. And we were more than convinced what was about to happen.

One of the guys, whose names I couldn't remember, approached the window and was probably about to take a peek, even though the entire house was well secured for the Purge. But before he was able to hear or see anything more, the sound of multiple guns getting loaded reached our ears,

 _"Get down!"_ Cato yelled and I threw myself down on the floor seconds before the gun fire started. The house was closed down and secured... but whatever weapons they had easily begun cutting through the protection that had been installed on the windows and I almost laughed. Most rich people, unlike Marvel's family, had bought security systems that would not let bullets go through that easily, if at all. But this was the thing about some rich bastards these days: they were also _cheap._ They were convinced no one would try invading the richer parts of town due to how good of security systems those usually have.

I covered my head with my hands trying to press myself as flatly to the floor as I could; the noise from all the gunshots filled my ears and I wanted to scream. This went on for another while before they had to reload and I heard Cato's scream:

"DOOR!" he roared and I felt myself being lifted up by someone. I looked up and saw Gale in front of me, pulling me away from the rest. Cato stood by the body of the guy who had previously had his automatic gun pointed at him. He was now the one with the gun and was firing blindly at the window simply to prevent the people outside from starting to shoot too quickly again. _"Door, door, **door**!"_ he yelled again and I let Gale rush me out of the room. Johanna was already waiting for us to catch up in the hallway.

"Wait," I gasped, as more gunshots cut through the silence. _"What about Cato!?"_

"Let's go, let's _go!"_ Johanna egged us on as I tried to turn around, but Gale wouldn't let me. He was too strong and I couldn't fight him off so I ended up being pulled down the hallway while panicking.

"No, _wait!"_ I cried out, terrified and confused. "What about Cato!? We **can't** leave him behind!"

Gale was practically carrying me as I screamed and kicked to try and go back for Cato. But the two of them were having none of that. We made it all the way to the end of the hallway and Johanna stormed through the door in front of us in a hurry. Gale made me follow her inside and we realized we may have been just lucky enough because right there in front of us was a car. We were in Marvel's garage.

"Find the keys!" Gale called to Jo, still refusing to let me go. My face was wet with tears at that point. Johanna looked around frantically and noticed a nice, shiny set of car keys hanging on the wall beside us.

"Well that's stupid," she snorted, snatching them and unlocking the car. "let's get the garage door open, _quick!"_

Gale's hands finally let me be and I watched him approach the security panel behind us. _"Shit,_ I don't know the code!"

 _"I do."_

I almost collapsed with relief as soon as I heard his voice. He stood in the doorway, holding Marvel by the collar of his shirt, blood seeping from his nose. "Get it open," Cato ordered, pushing him towards Gale and aiming the gun at his head. _"Now!"_

Marvel sent one pathetic look my way before punching in the code. The garage door began lifting and when it was halfway up, Cato grabbed Marvel by the neck and glared into his fear-filled eyes: "If only I had more time, I'd make you suffer _tremendously_ for every single time you thought of hurting her and my friends. Consider yourself _motherfucking **lucky** ,"_ Cato spat out at him before knocking the guy out cold by hitting him with the machine gun hard across the head. "Get in the car," he told us, somehow capable of staying calm. _"Hurry."_

Johanna jumped behind the wheel, while I helped Gale in the backseat; his arm had started bleeding quite heavily again. Cato sat in the front seat.

 _"Shit,_ Johanna, why'd you have to hit me so hard?" I moaned, wiping my hand across my swollen lip.

"I'm sorry, _I'm so sorry!"_ she exclaimed as she started the car with an apologizing glance at me in the rear-view mirror.

 _"Go,_ _go!"_ Cato screamed when the garage door was already all the way up. Jo put the car in reverse and backed out of the garage as fast as she could. We were in the back of the house, it turned out, so to get away we had to drive by the truck.

"Heads down!" she yelled, pushing the gas pedal all the way down and heading for the street where the truck was.

As we expected, as soon as the soldiers realized we were trying to get away, they began firing at us. We heard multiple bullets hit the trunk and broke the rear window into pieces. I felt some of the glass fall all over me and when Johanna turned right while at full speed, I hit the car door painfully. She carried on speeding down the street and after another moment sounds of the gunshots died down and I decided it was safe to lift my head.

Cato let out a heavy breath he seemed to have been holding for quite a while. _"Shit,"_ he murmured and I knew he was close to losing it. I wasn't very wrong. "God _**damn**_ _it!"_ he cursed, hitting the dashboard in front of him a good couple of times out of rage. He then sat back for another minute, panting and swearing some more under his breath. At last, he finally calmed down enough to speak again: "Everyone alright? Anyone hurt?"

"I'm good." Johanna was the first one to answer. Gale whispered a quite 'yeah', as well. I stayed quiet.

Cato turned around in his seat, his eyes soft and filled with fear. _"Come here,"_ he whispered to me and I sat up and moved closer so he could reach my face. He checked me for any gunshot wounds first then rubbed his thumb across my red cheek. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

"No," I whispered back, sending him a tearful look. "I'm okay. Are _you?"_

He ignored my question. Letting out a sigh of relief, he kissed me softly, his hands on either side of my head before pressing his forehead against mine. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, but I could swear I could feel his hands shaking slightly as he held onto me for another short while, before he let go and turned back around, facing the street. _"Thank you."_ he then said to Johanna with a look of genuine gratitude and I knew exactly what he was thanking for. She might have saved my life; even if she did punch me twice along the way, but I was willing to forgive her _anything._

Jo just nodded her head, choosing to focus on the road and throwing quick glances at the rear-view mirror, probably making sure we weren't being followed. I looked over my shoulder myself before landing my eyes on Gale. "You gonna be okay?" I asked, placing my hand on his shoulder. He glanced at me with so much warmness in his gaze that I almost found it unbearable.

"Don't worry about me," he nodded, pulling me into an uncomfortable hug, as we both were slightly bouncing due to the fast speed of the car. "We're all gonna make it," he almost promised as he let go of me and rested his forehead on mine.

I didn't have to look to know that we were being watched by the other two who probably had no clue what to make of it. They weren't the only ones.

 _I didn't either._

* * *

 _October 18, 2022_  
 _08:13a.m._

He was sitting in front of my building, on the bench, waiting for me. It was a rather windy and chilly morning so I bundled up tighter with my coat and stormed straight towards him before hitting him across his head. Hard.

"OW!" he yelped with a shocked glance up at me. "What was _that!?"_

"Why did you do that?" I asked, my voice accusing.

"Dude, that _hurt,"_ he gasped, rubbing the back of his head. _"What_ is your problem?"

 _"MY_ problem?" I glared at him. "Why did you not tell me you were going to break up with her?"

Gale's face relaxed instantly, as he realized what I had made all this fuss about. I waited for a moment before sitting down next to him, staring at his profile. He looked quite upset. "It's supposed to be my private business, Clove,"

 _"Private business?"_ I snickered. "Since _when_ do you not tell me absolutely **everything**?"

"Since it's too hard to choke out," he shot back with a glare of his own. "I _really_ don't wanna talk about this right now,"

The wind had my hair flying all over the place and he just stared at me as if he just saw me for the very first time, his glare softening more and more the longer he gazed straight into my eyes. I dug deep into my mind to find something, _anything_ that would help me understand; but it was futile. I had nothing.

"Why _now?"_ I asked carefully, as he continued to watch me with something in his eyes I found hard to define. "Things were great with you two as of lately. Why now?"

He swallowed hard, but never looked away. "One day... _maybe I'll tell you,"_

And that was his only response. He would say nothing more. I didn't realize I'd have to wait a good couple of months to figure this out. To receive some answers as to why everything had got so crazily fucked up.

Little did I know - the truth would not be what I had expected.

* * *

 _March 22, 2023_  
 _04:32a.m._

 _Time remaining: 00:02:26:17_

Twenty minutes, maybe half an hour had passed since we'd escaped Marvel's house. As I watched all the people we were passing by on our way, I felt something squeeze my throat and push onto my chest until it was hard for me to breathe. Some of those people were crying, others were covered in blood. And I knew, deep inside, there was really _nothing_ we could do to help. We simply could not risk stopping the car. We would get killed. And we sure had not just got away from a certain death to die so easily.

I glanced away from the window because I could not take the sights behind it anymore. I glanced at Gale and sent him a small smile, thanking God that none of us had been injured very seriously. I moved closer to him and made sure his dressing was still holding and stopping the bleeding. Thankfully - it was. "How you feelin'?" I asked, stroking his shoulder gently. He smiled back.

"I'm good," he responded, although his face was rather pale and his forehead was covered in sweat. "You?"

I ignored his question. "How much time left?"

"2 and a half hours," Johanna said, glancing at me in the rear-view mirror. "We've got a full tank, though. I think we can just try and wait out the rest of this fucked up night, just drive around-"

"You can do that," Cato spoke suddenly for the second time since we first got away. I stared at his profile and an unpleasant feeling squeezed my insides. _"You"_ can do that? Something was not right. "I need you to drop me off somewhere, Jo,"

 _"What?"_ she gasped in response, throwing him a confused look, her eyebrows furrowed in anger. "Did you hit your head when I wasn't lookin'? I'm _not_ letting you get off this car. You're talking _crazy,_ Cato,"

"This isn't a _request,"_ he responded in a freezing voice to let us know he was not screwing around. "I need you to slightly turn around and get me as close to downtown as you can without putting the rest of you in any more danger. This night ain't over for me yet. There are things I need to do-"

 _"What_ things?" I cut him off, trying to breathe steadily with my heart beating wildly in my chest. He could _not_ just leave me. I just knew I would never see him again if he did.

 _"Clove-"_ he sighed, his voice begging me to stop. But I wasn't having it.

"WHAT things?" I asked again, getting angry, worried and upset all at the same time. I could see his shoulders moving up and down slowly as he tried to calm his breathing. I could tell he wasn't very happy about his own idea, but he looked determined.

After another long minute of silence, he turned around and looked me in the eyes with so much love I felt like bursting into tears right then and there. "I need you to trust me, ok?" he begged, "I know I fucked everything up in the past, but I do not have a choice here. There are things I need to take care of. _For him,"_

I froze. He may have as well just slapped me. Those two words changed everything. I saw Johanna's face relaxing as well as her eyes showed signs of tearing up.

 _Finnick._

I bit my bottom lip hard to stop it from shaking as I glanced down, unable to think of a single thing to say. Forever passed before I finally looked up and into his beautiful, blue eyes. And I knew what to say now, _"I'm coming with you."_

Gale's glare landed on me and Johanna involuntarily slowed the car down. Cato looked like he almost wanted to smile. He didn't, though. "That's _ridiculous,_ Clove," he said, shaking his head. _"No way,"_

" **Yes** way," I insisted, my eyes darkening. "I am coming. I am not letting you go by yourself. Whatever it is you have to do, we will do it _together."_

"Clove-"

"You agree to take me or I'll jump right out of this car as we speak," I threatened and I was quite certain I meant it. Cato's eyes widened and a ghost of fear crossed his face. And I knew he was imagining me keeping this promise of mine.

"If she goes, I go," Gale declared and Johanna nodded.

"Looks like it's the four of us," she smirked.

"No, that's fucking crazy, guys!" Cato declined, throwing his hands up in the air. "Gale's hurt, he does not need any more people trying to kill him,"

I frowned. _Was he worried about Gale now?_ What the hell happened to their silent pack of mutual hatred?

"Thanks for the concern, but I'm _not_ lettin' Clove out of my sight, I'm _fine,"_ Gale argued, pinning him down with his intense glare.

"I will take care of her," Cato promised, not bothering to glare back. "You can _not_ come, Gale. You've never been trained. You're injured and it shows. No offense, but as of right now, you're an easy target. And you might put us in danger as well,"

 _"What the h-"_

"Ok, _enough!"_ I cut Gale's yell off before an unnecessary fight revolved. "I'm sorry, Gale, but he's right. You should stay with Johanna."

He sent me a betrayed look and I responded with a pleading one of my own, _"Please,"_ I whispered, tears slowly filling my eyes. "Please, don't fight me on this."

I guessed the combination of what Cato had said about putting us in danger and the look on my face eventually got through to him and very reluctantly, he nodded. I let out a sigh of relief and pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed as if afraid this was the last time. As I pulled back, he tried to avoid my eyes but I placed my hands on either side of his face to make him look at me. "I'm gonna be fine, ok? I _promise,_ Gale."

He tried to smile, but all he ended up showing was some sort of a grimace before I moved away from him and glanced at Cato.

"It'll be fine," I said, more to convince myself than any of them. Because I was not sure of that at all. How could I be? I had no idea what was going to happen. I didn't even know what I had just volunteered myself for. But it didn't matter. I was not going to back out. So with a stern look on my face and trying to make my sound voice stronger than I actually felt, I said:

 _"Let's do this."_

* * *

 **A/N:** Hey guys. Sorry for taking so long to update. I hope some of you are still interested in where this is going and I predict there are about 2-3 more chapters left in this story. Please review. Thank you for reading!


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